i need more time...
2:38 am
ok intensive is over alright, and everyone is either blogging loads about it or writing tons of messages in the SL forums. i didnt really go blog hoping but i did read any blogs i came across which was about this camp. Guess everyone who blogged felt this camp was a great success and they learnt alot from it, some ppl even said this camp we planned was the "best ever" camp they've been thru, truly im very delighted to hear that my juniors are grateful to our efforts, and reassure us that we're not too old yet. Since so many ppl are writing regarding the camp my blog cannot remind stagnant, but i'll not blog about the normal things which so many ppl have repeated over and over again, plz read my junior's blogs if u wanna know the details of the camp, i'll just briefly recount it, for good memories.
but firstly i wanna thank some ppl, alot of ppl. thanks graduation gift for me, even though it is one year late, but its the thought that count. i was so surprise to know that u guys actually prepared a grad gift for us excos, and u all actually sew it up urself! it really gave me alot of motivation and great start to the camp for me!
its actually a soft toy in the shape of Y, with "exco2006 yuchuan secretary" glued on it, sew together using two pieces of cloth and stuff with cotton, im really touched...even though i had unhappiness about being a SL at the end of sec 4, this gift washed away all my unhappiness and left me with brilliant memories of those good old days.and i wanna thank all who have written warm fuzzies to me, i've kept all of them in my wallet and u bet i'll not throw it away. it really propel me to fight on during my low points and i'll cherish them.
before i start about the camp, i've got this insecurity in me since we broke camp. here i wanna make things right first, i apologize for any unhappiness felt by anyone i know since my absence from home and during the camp. i tend to be careless with my speech, perfectionist when doing things and it gets worse when im super uber tired and weared out, so i do not want any misunderstanding, plz clarify with me if u feel offended, i do not mean anything evil in the things i do, so pardon me for my mistake thus far.
ok SL intensive 2007...it all started here...
camp opt room
in-door dance cheorographing
mass dance party at parade sq!
reflection sharing timeDay 2
Basha building in the morning
Night in the Basha and fariz doing sentry duty with meDay 3
highlight of the camp: night trek 11KM (nicole and ruimin acting cute, if u can identify them...haha)
dancing somewhere at sengkangDay 4
final test: electric fence (they are suspose to transport everyone out of the boundary surrounded by ruffia string)
above are just events which i took pictures of, there many other activities that took place. everyone cried during the camp, except me and few others helping me out with logistic, and up till today i still dunno what did the rest of my camp comm did to make them cry out loud in the music room. all i know is junjin play our emo camp songs and said some emo speeches, and all of a sudden it struck to everyone in the room how much they love SLB, how much they cherish their friends, and how they did not do their job as a SL in the past, and everyone started crying. "BELIEVE" is the word. i havent really understood the whole story so i cant comment about it. but this event made me realize how emotional kids nowadays are getting, and how little they think on their own. if its just about how to take charge of their life, how has life unfolded for them and how much they love SLB, they shouldve done some soulsearching themselve alone, so i think there's something more.
whatever the case might be, im just glade that the juniors are finally enlightened and feel bonded as one SLB. from the start till the end of the camp, i seen the side of SLB which i havent seen for ages, those enthusiasm, those bond, those trust. my memories of the SLB was already fading b4 the start of the camp, and now it has suddenly became so clear in front of me, how was i like when i was a member of SLB, a proud member.
like i said during the debrief. im amazing and delighted to see how we the seniors, ppl like hongyou jasper nelson desmond junjin and me, how we could still work together after not seeing each other for so long, its really amazing. it suddenly struck me how long i've been MIA in SLB, since i entered JC, i've totally lost touch with the SLs in xinmin, even when i was secretary for the board, i practically didnt do anything to propel the board higher, i might even weaken it further. ms kuck said this during her speech, "a secretary is a person who take cares of everything gng on in the board, when theres any qns, the first person to ask is the secretary, the secretary is also someone not hesitant to give support to any troubled soul", even though the speech was for auldrey the current secretary, i made me think back about myself, i did not accomplish any of the responsibility of a secretary, i was not THE SECRETARY, but just someone who worn the exco badge and walked around the school doing nothing.
but what can i do? my juniors said they learnt alot during the camp, but this camp is also a learning journey for me. back in my era, i did not had the chance to lead any major events which involved the whole board, this intensive was the first time i was so involved, ironic huh? i dun have the experience like hongyou. neither do i have those CCA experiences in the UG like jasper. i do not have the eloquent speaking ability of junjin. neither do i have the cool and calm of nelson. all the more i dun have the flexibility of aishah my president. nor the perseverence of desmond. so what do i have that i can contribution? im just another extra senior with nothing special and can do nth but talk alot of crap. SLAB?? lol so what if i join, i dun even know what we are gng to do, and what my juniors wanna learn from me? this camp showed me how naive i was, i thought i was a leader, but i cant even made a simple decision without consulting others, im terribly outshined by my comrades. i mean seriously, what diff does it make whether im in the camp comm or not? what diff does it make if im in SLAB at all? anyone can do what i did, i have nth that can be used as an asset to the SLB, its time to face reality yuchuan. my presence is really so insignificant that everyone dun even bother to answer to my qns, like what happened during sing-a-long, and my point is always ignored during discussion, and no one is willing to give me the responsibility even when i step up to take it. i really dunno whose problem is it, but the attitude of ppl around me really make me feel this way. reality also gave me more assurance. since the sec4s get the luxury to consider about joining SLAB, why should i accept everything ppl ask of me? i know i said b4 i'll do whatever i can as long as xinmin needs my help, but i will have to gauge myself this time, how much i can help in SLAB, b4 i find something which can be an asset to SLB or SLAB, i am not gng to join SLAB, im not gng to let myself look like a fool.
whatever the case might be, im just glade that the juniors are finally enlightened and feel bonded as one SLB. from the start till the end of the camp, i seen the side of SLB which i havent seen for ages, those enthusiasm, those bond, those trust. my memories of the SLB was already fading b4 the start of the camp, and now it has suddenly became so clear in front of me, how was i like when i was a member of SLB, a proud member.
like i said during the debrief. im amazing and delighted to see how we the seniors, ppl like hongyou jasper nelson desmond junjin and me, how we could still work together after not seeing each other for so long, its really amazing. it suddenly struck me how long i've been MIA in SLB, since i entered JC, i've totally lost touch with the SLs in xinmin, even when i was secretary for the board, i practically didnt do anything to propel the board higher, i might even weaken it further. ms kuck said this during her speech, "a secretary is a person who take cares of everything gng on in the board, when theres any qns, the first person to ask is the secretary, the secretary is also someone not hesitant to give support to any troubled soul", even though the speech was for auldrey the current secretary, i made me think back about myself, i did not accomplish any of the responsibility of a secretary, i was not THE SECRETARY, but just someone who worn the exco badge and walked around the school doing nothing.
but what can i do? my juniors said they learnt alot during the camp, but this camp is also a learning journey for me. back in my era, i did not had the chance to lead any major events which involved the whole board, this intensive was the first time i was so involved, ironic huh? i dun have the experience like hongyou. neither do i have those CCA experiences in the UG like jasper. i do not have the eloquent speaking ability of junjin. neither do i have the cool and calm of nelson. all the more i dun have the flexibility of aishah my president. nor the perseverence of desmond. so what do i have that i can contribution? im just another extra senior with nothing special and can do nth but talk alot of crap. SLAB?? lol so what if i join, i dun even know what we are gng to do, and what my juniors wanna learn from me? this camp showed me how naive i was, i thought i was a leader, but i cant even made a simple decision without consulting others, im terribly outshined by my comrades. i mean seriously, what diff does it make whether im in the camp comm or not? what diff does it make if im in SLAB at all? anyone can do what i did, i have nth that can be used as an asset to the SLB, its time to face reality yuchuan. my presence is really so insignificant that everyone dun even bother to answer to my qns, like what happened during sing-a-long, and my point is always ignored during discussion, and no one is willing to give me the responsibility even when i step up to take it. i really dunno whose problem is it, but the attitude of ppl around me really make me feel this way. reality also gave me more assurance. since the sec4s get the luxury to consider about joining SLAB, why should i accept everything ppl ask of me? i know i said b4 i'll do whatever i can as long as xinmin needs my help, but i will have to gauge myself this time, how much i can help in SLAB, b4 i find something which can be an asset to SLB or SLAB, i am not gng to join SLAB, im not gng to let myself look like a fool.
i hope didnt offend anyone down here, bcos this is MY blog right? so i just write m impromptu random thoughts in, some of them might not be logical actually, but deep down i really feel i was not good enough for the SLB, neither im good enough for SLAB. its time for me to find myself again, find my strengths and my purpose. like what ms tee always tell me, i need to be more careful and not underestimate challenges, at the same time i need to enrich myself with more knowledge if not i'll become an empty vessel. im not gng to become an empty vessel, thus i need to start improve myself. this crappy year in sajc really made me a worse person, i no longer know who am i anymore, so this return to xinmin did help to find me back. but there's still some missing pieces i need to locate, but rest assure im on my way and making progresses.
i looked thru some old photos of my SL days in our msn groups, and those pictures really brought back so many good memories, and set me thinking of how i was then, and what i am now. see how much i've changed in just 1 or 2 yrs, just by looking, its not that hard to spot me right? lol
SL Investiture '06
SL Trainee Workshop '06as i look at how i've changed, how i use to laugh and smile, how the juniors used to look, how the seniors used to behave. and i look at myself now, and this sense of regret fill me, why have i lost myself in whole yr when i could find myself back so easily.
maybe cos its so early now and my mind is not working fine, i wrote lots of crap in this post, plz pardon me. but i know its time for me to start again, from where i took off, i dunno what exactly took away somethings which i had, but now im getting them all back, just wait.
SLB, its forever My SLB, Our SLB
SLB, its forever My SLB, Our SLB
ArnoldSYC
