patience. its the golden word for me this past one week and more. every events that happened since my last post, tested out my level of patience and im quite happy to see how much i've improved since my sec 3 days. since my last post, it has been a series of non-stop events one after another, i was hoping to catch a break, and here i am, totally free and sian-ed these 2 days, going back to my 宅男 lifestyle.

class chalet will be quite a memorable event for me, guess i'll be remembering the events that occured for life, not that i want to remember, but its so mind-engraving that its hard to put it out of my mind. i also dunno if its a good memory or a bad one, but since bad memories are easily forgotten, i think its a good one, good in the sense that it opened my horizon to this world and gave me new experiences ba. thou shall not elaborate on what exactly is this significant event, those who knows will want to avoid revealing it, just like me...haha. for the most part class chalet was quite a new experience to me, after all its the first major activity i've had with my class, of cos most things didnt go according to plan, for some reasons. BBQ on the first night didnt start until 12am, and by then all the food was already oven-cooked. then second day many peeps left, and our basketball session was affected by the rain. At least i had fun starting the BBQ fire and learning to play mahjong, and we had a satisfying PizzaHut/KFC feast (which damaged my voice, unfortunately) and alll the way thru second day night till third day morning, i had alot of fun, esp gotten alot of new experiences. and i must talk about our chalet, Aloha Changi Fairypoint 6, its super duper ulu, and surrounded by countless abandoned old bungalows and factories, and not to mention the infamous old changi hospital, just walk around the place at night gives me the creeps, and i had a great time scaring myself during the nightwalk along the "broad" way. and of cos one more highlight of the chalet was the double bike me and GJ rented for a bloodly $24, but we cycled almost 20km in 2 days on it, so its quite worth our dimes, thanks to the bike, we were able to have lotsa fun exploring the spooky place and chitchating along the way whiling avoiding the traffic. and i realized...that actually many ppl in class, are behaving similarly as me in front of other ppl...

but after this chalet, im even more convinced that this class i have now cant be compared to my beloved 405, both are good in diff ways, but 405 is the ones that make me feel most belonged and comfortable. how i wish to be back in 405, where i dun have to manage anything, and things still work out fine, i missed those days when as long as we have bbq, benedict and gang will settle everything for us, and when it comes to inhouse activities, everyone is able to enjoy themselves no matter how boring the games seems to me right now, and when it comes to outdoor activities, benedict and the rest will always have something unique and interesting waiting for me to explore. it was those days when fu lu shou looked out for each other, and i know i can always count on mr fu to settle any obstacles that comes our way, and i can always rely on mr shou to have the same sentiments as me. of cos there's hiccups here and there, bcos of the rash and perfectionistic mr lu, but things always miraculous work themselves out somehow. those were the days.

and why isnt 07s17 like this? if u ask me, i say its the attitude and mentality of every individual in the class. we were all brought up in totally different schools with diverse culture and environment, thus its difficult for someone from X school to accept the way of life of a xinmin student like me, thus when we wanna play some games, sure will have some ppl find it sianz, and unable to make themselves enjoy the activities. i've said many times to my classmates, nth is interesting 100%, u have to make urself enjoy the things you're doing if not you'll not be happy with anything. we have a variety of character in this class, some ppl only think for themselves, some ppl think of everything b4 thinking about the class, some ppl think too highly of themselves, some ppl think too lowly of other ppl, and some ppl think too little for the ppl around them, some ppl think too casually, some ppl think too much. one part of our class is very bonded and can get things to work out, but unfortunately its too one-sided, and we're unable to get things moving in a class-chalet situation, back in 405 of cos we're not all bonded, but we have lines, even if its tiny lines, linking every part of the class together, so its a chain-reaction, and we can get things done, right now i feel 07s17 lacks this lines or bridges across different parts, causing a communication breakdown when activities becums too large scale.

now to talk about my singing, friday's talentpop was a total disaster...haiz actually i had anticipated it long ago, i signed up for it just for fun, and i had 3 day chalet during which i spoiled my voice, and i didnt really practice at all, so why will i stand any chance to win? but since i know i will lose, why do i feel so guilty right now? its bcos i regreted. i didnt give my audience their due respect bcos i didnt give them my best, and as someone who loves music so much, i feel a responsibility to bring good music to my fellow saints, but i didnt do that on friday. and now im questioning my own singing, i dunno its the sound system or my vocals, it doesnt seem to be audible in the open, and i am unable to get into the singing groove when im in the open or when its very noisy, seems that my singing still has a long way to go, and my performing skills is also far from reach the mark. thus these few days i've been practising my singing whenever i have the chance, evaluating my singing thru all these years, from CSS right till talentpop, im still desperately trying to find the right way for me to sing, cos i too weak right now. i sing to others so that they will feel the music and understand my emotions, and hopefully fall in love with the music im in love with, but im still unable to convey that to the audience, so my route has only just started, i must listen my mother, to grasp every performance opportunity to gain experience, even 杨宗伟 had to go thru countless competition and performances b4 attaining such singing standards, so what makes me think i can 一步登天?

regarding table tennis, as each day passes, im losing hope with SATT, i mean come on we're like the slackest CCA amongst the teams in national top 3, ok i know i always go training late, but how about those ppl who nvr turn up for training at all? and our number of training days are getting lesser and lesser, seems that my teammates feel their skill will not be lost so easily and the other schools are as slack as us. well thats not the main point, these few days i've been quite satisfied with my progress during training, slowly but surely, but getting my feel for the bat and the ball back, i've yet to return to competition standard but i can see glimmers of hope, thanks to the coach and my teammates for playing with me. but just as im beginning to look forward to trng once more, they tell me theres no more trng cos nobody wants, omg man. ok i know im leaving for china soon, but i wanna have a peace of mind knowing that my team is trng hard back in singapore while i train hard in china, and we will have a go at the championship next yr. yingjie i know you're reading this, lol...plz continue trng hard during the holidays, maybe next week restart trng liao, whether u believe it or not, we need the trng and the players to come for our trng, no matter how good we think we are.

ok that brings me to another point, its decided, i'll be returning to china on the 7th dec, my mother and bro will unlikely be able to go back, sadly. thanks to royston for helping me book the tix online, but im more grateful to my family for allowing me back. earlier i was saying we're still deciding who should go back, then we came to a conclusion that all three of us will stay in singapore, which made me kind of down, bcos of cos i know the reason why i couldnt return, so i didnt argue with my mother, like i used to back in secondary school days, but i was feeling a void in my heart. bcos i know i want to be back in china, every yr at this time, i will always be breathing in china air, and stepping on china soil, if i am not able to go back, i really dunno what i am gng to do in singapore, everything seemed so empty ahead of me. so i raised this issue to my mother again and we came up with solution, im still having mixed feelings now, one side im feeling rejoiced about the fact of going back, another hand im feeling injust for my mother and esp my brother, last yr it was the same situation, both my bro and i wanted to go back, but my mother only allowed me to go back, it was kind of unfair for my bro, and tis yr it'll be the same thing, but i cant help it. so now its confirmed that i'll be gng back, to enjoy myself one last time b4 my Alvls next yr, to trng as hard as i could for the last time in my time, and of cos to finally break the thrift law and buy all the things i want, if i can.

not much time b4 my departure ler, this week will be a boring one, a good opportunity for me to rest my body after a series of tiring events, and to prepare for another series of similar stuff next week. camp is next week! my beloved juniors of SLB, if you're reading this, i just cant contain my excitement, first training camp ran by us SLs for SLs, interesting huh? o yea not to forget tmr is xinmin's open house i think, i shall go back and check out how its gng to unfold, and if the present xinmin students love xinmin as much as i do. so for now its all about relaxing, singing and saving, so that im able to enjoy during the next few weeks in singapore, and i cant wait to meet up with my brothers after what it seemed like to be forever.