almost 2 and i still cant get into the sleepy mood, as usual...so many things i ought to be doing right now but my heart isnt listening to my brain, so here i am blogging away happily, while praying i will wake up on time tmr morning...

many things have happened since i last blogged, and the ram in my pentium 1 brain cannot load the memories out right now, at least not every thing that i experience. should i say that this world is spinning around and around without any regards to whether we can keep up with the pace or not.

i wanna touch on one important issue which affects everyone of us, whether u have it or not. its DESIRE. one funny thing i observed while on the bus 88 today: when the bus drove to a stop outside RI, about 80% of the passengers turned their heads towards the RI main gate and stared at it until the bus drove away...when i look into their eyes...i wonder whats gng on in their minds. then when the bus stopped outside catholic high, no one gave a second glace in the cat high campus and the bus sped away. it might be a coincidence, but i doubt so...its the mentality people have, the desire to get the things you didnt. what went through MY mind when i saw RI? you might ask, in my mind i was saying, "if only i had work hard enough..." but verbally i will say, "RI nia!" lol see our reaction creates humor? i dunno if this is true for everyone, but im just being true to myself. we always desire things which we cannot attain, or didnt attain. but at least for myself, i feel that i look way too far, and forgot about the things around me, its good to aim big, but when u cant achieve it, learn to cherish the things u have around, this will make life much happier to go through...i hope i really think that way...cos i dun

promos is finally over, actually it was over long ago...but post promos period didnt turn out as fun as it was anticipated. its probably bcos i did not work hard enoigh for promos ba, slacked too much so pre and post promos seem indifferent. getting back the last 2 papers tmr, hope i will do well, cos now i havent reach 35 points yet. many ppl around me are doing very well, which is a good thing, but a bad news for me, bcos it shows that im under-performing. its time to start revising this year's work all over again, understand all the concepts and attempt the TYS, now its full force towards A levels, heck school standards liaoz, o that reminded me something: to register for SAT, though i am a bit lazy to take it this yr, think i flunk it...

have been asking myself many questions these days, and began thinking in another direction, this allowed me to understand many things in a new light. but sometimes i think we should just stop thinking so much, and carry on with life, taking on every obstacle as they arise, and not cracking our heads to think of possible problems. this way might give us a F for PW, but it'll definitely make our life an EE. true enough, life will be much easier without all the possible limitations and hesitations.

some ppl keep talking about what they wanna do, what they hope to do but have not done, what they want to be...etc i hope all those wishes are from the bottom of our hearts. as we busy ourselves everyday, i realize that i gradually lost touch with my dreams and ambitions, i forgotten what i wanted to be, wanted to do, because there's too many "impossibility". when we use our logic thinking to evaluate something, there's always something that is impossible, it is only when we stop thinking so much and just do it, impossible will be nothing. but our logic mind is stopping us from doing what we really want, thats the sad fact in life.

i always tell my friends that i wanna study architecture, i wanna follow my family's footsteps and continue the family business, but deep down in side, i actually dunno if this is really what i want. bcos i choose this path merely bcos nothing interest me and architecture is the only route i can possibly take. all my interests, are impossible to sustain my livelihood in the future.

i rmb as a kid, i had many many interests, i loved to draw and i loved kungfu, but i stopped doing all that long time ago, and its impossible for me to survive with drawing or kungfu. i also love singing but lazy to learn music, and its so impossible to be a singer these days. i also aspired to be a lawyer, but my GP sucks, i wanted to be a doctor, but now i dun take BIO or CHEM, i wanna be a gamer but i suck at WARCRAFT, i wanna be a programmer but i was intimidated with COMPUTING. i think its just my personality, not able to focus and work towards what i want. my friends often ask me the same qns, do you wanna be a singer? my answer is always no, but i wouldnt reject if theres a chance. the fact is nth in this world really interest me right now, like everyone, i just wanna have fun all day long, and my hobbies are singing and tabletennis, but i am good at nth, so its impossible to make a career out of anything.

as my uncle said to be last time: you cant do what u like, im not doing what i like. but you need to earn the $$! true enough, my uncle is not a architect major, he majored in COMPUTING! lol but now he's surviving on interior design, it is definitely not what he like to do, but it brings him $$. mayeb that why i am studying my life away right now, bcos i can do nth else, in order to survive, we have to do what is beneficial to us, and not what really appeals to us. look what kind of world we live in!

NEED and WANT, thats the two major factor in life.

have been going out quite often these days, spent all my $$ for this mth away liaoz...so now im offically broke, i'll go into poverty mode once again! thanks to all the PW meetings at mac, SL meetings at MAC too! TT team outings, KTV outing and other random but expensive outings. sometimes i really dunno where all my $$ gone to, it seems to disappear as soon as i put it in my wallet. time to manage $$ properly liaoz...

its great to hear my ex-classmates to be doing well in their studies, and most impt, enjoying their life. of cos there's some incidents here and there, but no worries. maybe i shall be abit more critical over here, i hope mr fu and mr shou dun mind my straightforwardness. cos sadly, all three of us did not perform to our very best.

to mr fu, i know you dun read my blog, lol, but i shall say nevertheless, you are the smartest among us, one of the real genius among the friends i know, but u havent been putting ur intelligence to the susposely right place. i used "susposely" bcos i feel u should be studying, but i know u might feel that other things in life are more impt. but i dun worry for u, bcos i have confidence in you, i know u know what u are doing, and u'll definitely do the right things at the right time, and you'll turn out to be a successful person.

to mr shou, it was a shock to me to be frank, i didnt expect it, i believe little did u expect it from urself. but what done cannot be undone, i dun think its game over for u...FAR FROM IT! rather than studying, i thinking its time to review ur efforts this year and find a more efficient way to apply ur efforts. you are someone who can really study, the most studious among us three, but there's a diff between able to study, and able to take test. but no worries, bcos i believe u understand even more than i do, and u'll find ur path very soon, given ur diligence and great attitude, you'll definitely rise above the rest to do us proud, u've already done me proud in many things liaoz..lol

i say until like i very pro liddat, critisize u alll lidddat, lol i hope u all understand my rational behind it, its not that im trying to gei kiang or act smart, its just my true thoughts. im someone whose stuck in between the two of u, maybe thats why we're fu lu shou, as lu im suspose to be stuck in the middle. i do not have the wit of mr fu, little do i have the diligence of mr shou, thats what make me in a diff position. i have seriously underperformed as well, none where near good, and what i should do is try to learn from u guys and empower myself, stay focused and work hard towards A levels. even though we're walking diff paths, i belive they all leads us to success, we will work hard together and soon we will reunit infront of the door of success.

its hard to be lovers, but its harder to be friends, i strongly believe in that, thats why i try my utmost best to cherish everyone around me, even though sometimes i seem to be not doing that. while seeking to fill my other half, friends are the supporting pillars, its great to be with so many great ppl, both in xinmin and in sajc.

currently theres many task on hand, the most impt will be GSC Alvls, then there's also PW. apart from that im also busying planning SL intensive camp for my beloved xinmin junior SLs, first time the school gave u such a heavy responsibility, but i willingly accepts it. im not someone who's strict by nature, even though i was incharge of discipline, my friends wil know that im actually a very lax person...lol so when the teachers ask us to make the camp " physically and mentally tough" my other SLAB members began to plan a torture camp...makes me worry for my juniors, however worry not cos as long as im there, i'll TRY to spare as many of u from torture as possible..hahaz cant wait for 29 nov to 2 dec man...

to that someone up there, thank you for everything during promos, give me luck during this final lap of the year...thanks!