上个星期刚送走了PW, 这个星期就和GSC说永别了... Life's good

holidays has finally officially started for me, its suppose to be something worth rejoicing right? but i feel otherwise. basically becos i think i screwed GSC la, the qns was easy, but i didnt perform to my best standard, i even forgotten to write my favorite rebuttal, whats more hurting is, the very day i watched the news and one MP addressed a very insightful comment about the same issue i did for my GSC!! if i had heard it one day earlier, i wouldve written an insightful piece of essay! now i feel my essay is totally ordinary and cant stand out at all...very strong feeling its gng to be a B. but nvr now its useless to grumble about it, just hope the rest are as "ordinary" as mine...

holiday life has been at the limit of boring-ness, i practically stayed home for about 4 liaoz, sleeping at 2am and waking after 12pm, facing the comp, playing the guitar and singing till everyone else sleeps. i feel more and more like a 宅男 lolz... but these 4 days was also the longest time i spent with my family continuously. in the past i was constantly on the move, so not much time to interact with them, these 4 days i really feel more like im part of my family, ironically. its really amazing to realize that the most tolerant people around u, no matter how cold u treat them, how many times u quarrel with them, at the end of the day u all still live under one roof, they still share the same kitchen with u, and they still does the laundry for u. the bond between family members are really amazing, even though some people tend to forget it sometimes. imagine how our society will becum if everyone treats each other like their kins, we will have no war, no poverty, no tragedy, no chaos.

currently im facing a major crisis in my family, regarding if we could return back to china. the problem is similar to the problem i've faced all year. due to this problem now its either i go back myself, or i stay in singapore and let my mother return with my brother. actually my mother has decided to let me return and she will stay in singapore with my brother, but i told her she had to go back to see my grandma, who was 80 years old liao, so i am willing to stay put to allow them to go back. but my mother is still in a dilemma. omg its already mid nov ler, and i planned to leave on 3rd dec, so its now or never liao, hopefully my mother makes up her mind soon.

sometimes i will question my father, and blame all the problems we face in singapore upon him. i find it hard to accept his ego, his over-confidence, his behavior and his carelessness. his wishful thinking and ego caused our family to be so seperated now, and life hasnt become better for us, in fact life might be much better if he had simply stayed in singapore and work for one of the premier architecture firms. but he did not want to be below anyone thus he went to find his own space in china, and thats when all the crap problem start to appear. but ironically, im not much different from him actually, deep aside of me lies the desire to be on top of everyone and excel in everything in do, and maybe thats why i always try to climb the cooperate ladder in every cooperation i join. in fact im worst than my father, at least my father had the determination to work towards his goals, at the very least he was a very diligent student and was a top student from the top university in china, but me? a lazy student who lacks determination and focus and currently in a @%$% school which some ppl dun even know about. so how can i comment about my father when im not even on par with his achievements?

maybe coming to singapore was a grave mistake right from the start. i've very frequently imagined how life will be like for me if i did not come to singapore, and how my family will be like in china, especially these few years after returning to china and witnessing how much life has improved in china for many relative who was not as well off as us last time. Singaporeans always feel that our lifestyle is more superior than the people in china and when we see tourist or immigrants from china, poor, crude, no manners, low-class etc...these words pop out in our mind, but how many of us actually see that beneath the humble appearances of china people, they are actually soooo much better off than us singaporeans? its high time for singaporeans to walk out of the small world their living and loook around the world, its time to jump out of the well. what disgust me most is the way my friends reacts when i tell them im from china, and when i talk to them about china, totally turns me off. Well im proud of my country, but im unable to stay there anymore. if i hadnt come to singapore, life will be totally different, i will probably be staying with my aunt and uncle under the same roof, and i'll be able to see my relative anytime i want, and have cousins whom i can spend my time with, i'll probably be able to get everything i want right now cos things are so cheap there, and maybe i'll study more bcos all my relatives will be forcing me on the chair...haha IFs and MAYBEs...

out of my dream, reality is i've been living in singapore for 11 years ler, and im almost, if not totally, singaporised. my family is also terribly seperated here and there, after my uncle migrate to canada, our family will be even more seperated. so its true huh, globalization is really breaking families aparts, just that i dun think anyone in my family is realising that, except me. i cant wait to end my studies and start working, then i will be able to support my family and lighten the burden of my father, but it'll still take about 10 years before that happens, i hope my family wouldnt collapse before that...im kindna looking forward to NS life, then i will not need to take allowance from my mother and in return pay for some of the family's expenses thru my NS salary. anyway im sure things will be better in the near future and i can live with more peace at home...

i've been wanting to talk about my thoughts after watching 《超级星光大道》, not about how well those ppl sing, they all sing super well. but about the story of 杨宗纬. when i heard him sing thru all the stages, im almost sure that he's the best singer there and there's no reason for him not to win becos of his voice and his good rapport with everyone, but when i read about 林宥家 becoming the champion, i was shocked, and started to wonder why 杨宗纬 lost. then one day on youtube, i watched him apologizing for lying about his age...then i realized that he was disqualified from the competition, what a waste! after some thoughts, i began to question this world, this society we're living. this world seem to hate perfect things, thus all of us are imperfect. 杨宗纬 seem to be perfect, he was no good-looking, but used his voice to conquer everyone's heart, he was not a talker, but was able to get along with everyone around him, all signs point to him being the winner, but heaven must come in and give this beautiful fairy tale a twist, i really dun understand why. why cant we see someone who works hard succeed? why isnt effort be proportionate to results? i see so much of these unfairness around me, but i cant do anything about it, some people say this is the beauty of the imperfect world, but i feel this is a sad fact of life. in a more logical surface, it is really dumb of 杨宗纬 to fake his age, but its even more hard to believe that the news just innocently happen to "find out" his real age, it must be becos ppl jealous of him receiving so much success, that those sadist people feel a need to tarnish him, thus purposely looking out for chances to destroy this fairy tale, and this time they succeeded. i also do not discard the possibility that its one of the other contestants trying to sabotage him, because with him around, its clear that the rest have no chance to win. that brings us back to the cruelty and coldness of our society, when can there be more love and care, and less of war and backstabs??

more things are gng to unfold after today, esp the long anticipated class chalet, im so excited about it, hope its gng to be fun and everyone will have fun. 14 to 16 is class chalet, then 17 to 19 my juniors invited me to their SL chalet! lol its gng to be fun being a old man in the midst of all the kids. its also funny for damn to be having a chalet b4 an intensive camp! lol imagining having fun b4 gng for a training camp (no i didnt mention its gng to be a torture camp!). then 19 is the opening of reading room, after that maybe gng out with camp comm to test out our camp activities, then can wait for the camp to start ler, i cant wait man...and at the very last, hope i can return to china once b4 my Alvls, so many things happened this yr that i feel i need a break away from singapore, and return to the place i truly call home, when i know i must be.