About Year 2007

If theres one song that can summarize the whole of year 2007...it will be 梁静茹's 可惜不是你:

true enough as the lyrics depicts, i didnt achieve anything in year 2007, i practically didnt do anything for the past year, and i've let it slip away from my grasp unknowingly. i spent most of my time in despair and grumbles about the major setbacks i faced this past year, and forgotten the importance of letting bygones by bygones and start moving ahead in a new direction. the year started well, with a new school for PAE and knowing a group of fun-loving OG, everything seemed to be gng the right track, until the day JAE posting was released, i've long forgotten which day was it, but it was the day that turned my life up side down, and dropped me down from seventh haven. the damaged is so hard on me that i cant say i've fully recovered from its aftermath even at this moment.

It is one of the biggest mistake i've made in my life up till now, and i am truthfully regretful about my naiveness and lack of matureness. everything that i wanted to achieve last yr did not succeed in the end, and at the start of 2008, i feel as if 2007 was a waste of my life, that i've remained stagnant and not moved forward, and that i've value-minus my capabilities and let myself down. Academics aside, i did not achieve what i wanted in table tennis, neither did i achieve anything i wanted in my personal life.

should i say i've failed to be myself, a person who believes in what i wanted and will go all out to get it. i rmb in my SL trainee days, during the first trainee selection camp, i performed badly and gave the seniors a very bad impression, and was even on the edge of being sacked, but in my testimony for the camp, my seniors said one good point about me: determination. that i was determined to be a SL, no matter how bad my performance was, i still tries hard to be heard and to achieve what i want in life. but where have i placed my determination last year?

my classmates often refer to me when they needed a leader, even though most of the time i did not think of myself as a competent leader bcos theres so many other good personalities around like chairman ben and captain look, but when i ask them why they believed i was a leader, they said it was bcos of my ability to know when to have fun, and when to be serious and firm. like how i always have fun together with the rest in class, doing all sorts of stupid stuff together, but when it comes down to duties and attire checks, or any serious issues, i will know whats the correct attitude to handle things. but have i been having too much fun and losing myself, so much so that i've lost the balance of serious and casual?

my brothers often say that i have a positive thinking about situations, which is encouraging, but do they know what half of the time when i said "no worries, it can be done." last year, i was in doubt myself. i seem to have lost hope about the situations in my life.

but as i tell others too, when u lose something, u will gain something in return, and that very true. i think the most valuable thing i've gained this year, is being exposed to my weakness even more, and got to understand myself better, know what i am really going after in life, and it helped me pave my path for the years to come. and i've also learnt the importance of choices in life, yes choices...one wrong choice like mine, and you will end up in grieve for the rest of your life, everytime u look back into this period of ur life, u will despair, "o man, i shouldnt have..." but what is already done is done, the damage has already been taken, its a blessing that i learnt this at the age of 17, where i still have so many more 17 years to go and make sure similar mistakes doesnt repeat itself, ever again, its time to start things anew, as we move on to a new year...

the Present situation

if theres one song that can describe my feelings now, it will be 林志炫's 进退两难: