FINALLY got my computer to work...had a nightmarise 2 days without a working computer, dunno what happened to it in my 6 days of absence, it just wouldnt start when i press POWER x_x spent 2 sleepless nights trying to fix it, now my fingers are completely swollen, but at least i got the computer running again...

away for 6 days, i shant talk about my shanghai trip right now, i will write a detailed 6 day coverage when i receive all the pictures from my tt teammate, my mother took away my camera so i have zero pictures of my trip right down.

now im at home all by myself, free and lonely =( managing everything by myself and having no one to jio me out to happy...super super sian!! got nothing to do except using the comp and studying(which i didnt) spend every morning washing clothes and boiling water, not forgetting cleaning the stupid toilet and fixing the lousy computer...and did i mention my clothes havent dry after i wash for 2 days?? i really wanna curse and swear sia...6 am on friday i washed my shanghai clothes and the clothes my mum and bro left behind for me to wash x_x, then it rained in the evening, when i was out...so the clothes were dripping water when i got back... saturday i learnt my lesson and left the clothes indoors...but it still stinked, so today i hang it out again...and guess what, some stupid neighbour upstairs poured a bucket of water down!!!! and there goes my going-to-dry clothes...so now u will still see all the wet clothes flying outside my window...hope it will dry soon cos im running short of clothes to wear XD

i think im all refreshed now, after spending 6 "fantastic" days in shanghai, good thing is i managed to bond more to my team. whats more unbelievable is i saw so many familar faces in shanghai! from present saints to old saints, then somemore i saw Xinminians!! lol and ms phan =D mdm tian ^_^ took pics with them and had a short chat...shall go visit xinmin very very soon!

of cos not everything that happened when i came back is good. it was nightmare again on saturday, which was yesterday...when i heard this shocking news, something i wouldnt have imagined happened. may God bless my brother. please bless my brother. i know i will never be able to fully understand how u feel right now, cos i dun have similar experiences b4, but i think i know how hard it is to experience it at such a young age. but i know u have always been independant and mature, and u can take the blow without breaking down. all these u have experienced in the short 18 years of ur life...it cannot be undone, cannot be changed, but on the bright side, it made u become who u are today, a mentally strong, mature and independant person who people can find support in. you will be a great man in the future, so dun let this major setback stop ur advance...we will fight on, side by side, fu lu shou will always be together!

and royston...what i said on saturday night...i was wrong, i was totally wrong, i did feel the sorrow, but not at the moment u told me about it. after i alighted at hg pt, walking across the park back home, i felt tears rolling in my eyes, the sorrow had gotten into me, like how it gotten into you, so u are not the only person feeling this. probably i was slower in showing it, but when i think back about what i saw and heard under the HDB...i felt it...and i really understood how hard it is for our brother...but yea we must move on happily =)

生命太脆弱，奇迹太渺茫. someone told me that b4, and i read about it b4, yesterday i experienced it. yes. life is full of unexpected things, life is so weak and frail, and miracles are nowhere to be seen. i wonder what will i do if it happened to my family...i dun dare to think. but becos now that i experienced the weakness of life, i am more convinced that we shall not waste our time doing things we dun like to do, hesitating about things we want to do and giving up on things we should have done. we only have this few decades to live on this world...so we must really go for the things we want in life, and treat every opportunity as if its the final and last one. make our lifes fruitful and memorable, so we can leave this world without any regrets.

had a short but meaningful chat with benedict yesterday night, and feeling very grateful towards him now, cos everytime i talk to him, i will understand something new about life. the word "empowering" keep appearing in my mind right now, he said to me "relationships should be empowering, making ur life better. if u feel that it is affect ur life in the wrong way, u shouldnt continue holding on to it." i totally agree. no one has ever told me things like that b4, and it set me thinking about myself. ok i have not go into a relationship yet, but yea i want to, not for the sake of going into one, but to love someone that is really important to me. i thought to myself...will it really empower me? or do the exact opposite? i really dun dare to think, becos i feel that i am making it affect myself, more on the negative side right now. its all to do with the mental...my thoughts...all my ignorance for the past few weeks, my isolation from the place i wanna be, this unnatural feelings seem to be filling my heart, im think im not being myself sometimes, not doing the things i wanna do. and this is making the matter worse for me, cos i find it hard to concentrate on what im doing, my studies is in a total mess, and i'm losing my enthusiasm during table tennis. its all due to my thoughts, still unsettled, i really wanna find a chance to sit down and talk face-to-face again, to settle my thoughts down and make things empowering.

ok enough about all the sorrow and questions in my mind! basically my state of mind now is still mostly filled with happiness, happiness bcos i have total freedom now, happiness becos i saw my friends all enjoying themselves, happiness becos fu lu shou will always be brothers for life =D even though im SUPER SIAN at home right now =( holiday is so eventless, im so free yet no one is booking me XD only got a few things to attend: 9th june famine camp dry-run ; 15 june famine camp pre-setup ; 16-17 famine camp ; 21 econs make up ; and 22 morning send jn off. other then these i have totally available!!! someone...anyone! pls jio me out XD but but wait...PW grp members....dun contact me...im not available for PW!!! LOL

haha but i still enjoy life without parents and brother, not meaning that i dun love them...i just feel that it will be much better if my mother was to return to china to enjoy life, and my brother can stay in raffles or hwachong hostel...then i will manage myself at home, haha that'll be the ideal plan for the future. for now...its enjoying freedom while trying to study for common test...got a feeling that time isnt gng to be enough...im a very difficult engine to start XD

may GOD bless mr fu
may the person up there bless everyone around me
may whoever up there bless myself and my loved ones
may everything turn out successful
may everything that went the wrong way to guided back to the right path