september holidays is going to be over in less than 48 hours, which means my "study break" is going to end pretty soon. actually i nvr felt so eager to return to school, because now i have countless question i wanna ask my tutors, and numerous concepts i wanna make sure with them too, bcos this sepember holidays has been such a moral dampener for me. actually i spent most of my time sleeping, then the rest doing maths. im super-inefficient, cos i merely finished summation and going on functions when i was totally demoralized by how lousy i was, i really dun feel like studying anymore, its like im totally lost by myself, i hope someone will come and guide me along, im really not a independant learner i guess.

the SAJC notes are so unclear i wonder why did i even bother to read them, and the revision qns is so damn hard i wished i hadnt looked at them, bcos after i get stuck in it its hard for me to get outta it, then comes the solution part, so disorganized...some topics dun even have solutions! come on plz spare a slacker like me some thought, do u think i can do the questions without seeing the worked solutions? i dunno if its possible for my tutor to go thru every single qns in the revision...cos i really dunno a single shit!

makes me miss my maths teachers back in xinmin, its not me wanting to see them...its they come chasing me with a butcher knife, screaming and yelling at me to do my work...lol...it might be crude but it works for a slacker like me, i need constant supervision and yelling from authorities to catch up with work. but honeymoon time is over and im all left by myself...i'll have to either adapt or extinct.

my progress is really very very slow compared to my friends, but i cant help it, things are getting so tough and distractions are becoming more and more attractive...hahaz...

mathematical induction! what a nightmare for me (dont laugh, im dumb ok?) i decided that im too fed up with maths so i started to play with my phone...i really like doze off every 5 min of doing maths? thats like a habit thru so many yrs, its very hard for me to conc on maths, my brain just turns to sleep mode when i see digits..hahaz, but when i do conc on maths, i cant sleep until i solve a really difficult qns(which is any qns for me now) and i cannot conc only on maths, theres still physics, my weakest subject, and econs which im also bottom of the class. i really dun dare to think about retaintion, its haunting me everyday, and yet im doing nth abt it, now im suspose to like mug like a dog right? lol but i am not doing that? whats wrong with me man, do i really want to retain? i need to save myself right now! my standard for myself really dropped drastically, last time im aiming for A1s, now? merely getting 50 marks to achieve a D, and 3 Ds will allow me to promote...what the hell la...why im asking so little from myself now...izzit really reality that i cant do any better? izzit true like what mr lim said, its impossible to get a U in CT and suddenly jump to an A? i really want to say NO! but my brain is telling me "its true"...
this is my table, the table which accompanied me thru the years of studying, since PSLE days till olvls period, and i guess its going to go thru Alvls with me too! infront of the table is all my motivations to study, hahaz...thru the yrs many things have been added in, my SLB photos during sec 2, the "all the best" clip given to me by mrs song during sec 3 end of year, during olvls period there hanged all my goals and the NJ poster, now whats left are some additions of things i cherish much, and of cos my CT progress record and MIT poster! hahaz whats missing in this picture? ME lying flat on the table and snoozing ZZZzzzz....lolz

sometimes i just wanna SLACK! i really stopped using my brains for too long liaoz, now like the gears inside all abit rusty, i cant study for too long without getting distracted. but i still feel lucky to have my guitar to accompany me during my study, so occasionally i could pick it up and play my favourite tunes. currently most played songs are david tao's Katrina and Regular Friends and Catherine...hahaz and of cos practising my bending thru stephanie sun's 一样的夏天.

the sad thing is theres not much good music these days. with david tao gone to film his movie, theres practically nth much to look forward to in the music industry this year and maybe next year too. just got a few new album, including Farenheit's 终极一家EP and 范玮琪-哲学家, also looked out for old albums which i missed, like the complete album of TANK's Fighting生存之道, and 曹格's 格格blue and Superman, even though there are nice songs, but nth of those which will make me "wow!", except maybe one song by tank, which i will talk about later. but wilber pan is coming out his new album on 14/9!! thats something to look forward to, i've already heard one of the songs, i should say even though wilber cant really sing that well, but his some of his songs are really well composed, i meant slow songs like 谢谢，我不怕，我让你走了, Kiss Night...etc i got to hear these songs by watching his concert, really not bad and touching, relevant to me too! hahaz. currently the songs i listen to are mostly "oldies" like wang leehom, 张震岳, 南拳妈妈's new album is also not bad! and of cos david tao! u can really nvr get sick of them, everytime i listen i always have a different feeling, 有一种不一样的感动, i somehow will understand the song in another way. fav TAOism songs right now are 说走就走, 再见以前先说再见, 不爱 and special mention: 追, the lyrics really have deep meanings...你就是我最想解答的问号...

ok enough about music. this holiday quite eventless, except monday went back to school to play bball and attend randy's make-up lesson, then went to subway for lunch. then thursday went to grace house for PW and saw royston's friend Aaron. i really love the HUDC, condo facilities, HDB price! totally awesome! PW is crap, we decided to take waway all our activities and design a new one, hopefully its better this way...

different people have different type of problems, sometimes its really difficult to understand one another, so i believe its near impossible to empathize with someone, u can say "i know" but do u really know? not unless you are really in the exact situation. when communication is closed by force, its is even more difficult for friends to care for each other, then we can only resort to guessing. o and my luck is getting better these days, my guess are becoming more accurate! maybe its true that times and different, people change and ur friends changes too. but izzit the time that changes you, or u who chooses to let time change you? personally thru my short experience in life of 17 years, i have changed the way i think about things and do things as i gain more insights about life, but somethings remain unchanged, like the way i treat my friends with utmost trust and loyalty. i sometimes wonder why so many ppl write on their blog: i hate backstabbers, are there really so many backstabbers out there? i dunno bcos i cannot imagine myself doing that to my frends, i think i am very truthful to friends and i do not hide my feelings, ms tee also said that im "naked" infront of ppl, which could both be good and bad, but thats me i guess...but i do have two sides of personality though, and it changes constantly lolz...but no matter what i still bring about the truest me at this moment to everyone, its just difficult for me to hide my true feelings...i do hope my friends too can take out the masks they are wearing, if they are, and face one another with their truest heart, this way this world will be less scary to live in.

lastly im gng to intro a song by tank! its called 几分之几. its getting late and my eyelids are getting heavier and heavier, so i shall let this song speak my mind,even though not everything is relevant to my thoughts, that also make it more difficult for u to guess what im thinking! haha but its really a very touching song, i'm loving it!! LOL, like always...if u can decipher its true meanings...it means we have the same frequency!

几分之几
歌手：tank 专辑：生存之道

我知道爱曾经被你和我闹得像发了烧

怪不得承诺还没过期就失效

这样也好

一路太精彩结局不该逊掉

虽然我们都因此睡不着

我知道你不敢看我脸上那个勉强的笑

因为你能看穿我厚重的礼貌

咖啡的味道不需要品尝我就能够明了

没有加糖一整个苦到脚

后来我有没有出现过你梦里

我们是彼此回忆的几分之几

如果说很想你

代表说遗憾占据太多比例

我应该常提醒自己

寂寞很轻

我知道你也会向朋友们探听我的消息

就好像我总好奇现在谁陪你

留点距离默默的关心却那么像逃避

面对过去我们没有勇气