im so glad its finally the end of 2009, and what a long, eventful and gruelling one year it has been for me. 2009 doesnt feel like 365 days to me, it feels like 2009 days, thats the best description i can give you.

the year has definitely been eventful without a doubt, starting with me coming back from a fruitful trip to china with my godbrother royston. Back then i lived everyday like Sunday, practically rotting at home and occasionally searching for jobs to do, until i finally received the long await call from mr tang. I began my short but enjoyable career as a relief teacher in xinmin, where i was totally blessed with joy at work in every aspect, even though work was long and tiring, i did not feel the fatigue at all, i looked forward to everyday at work, working with my teachers and interacting with students: something i loved to do. Man, i would love to go back to those 2 months...

before i knew it 3 mths passed and i enlisted into the SCDF (don't be confused, yes i said 2009 was slow, it started to become slow from this moment) and after a short 3 days orientation as a recruit, i was thrown aimlessly into a gruelling and painstaking 24-weeks emergency response specialist course where i was trained physically and mentally as a fire-fighter, an emergency responder and a rescuer. Most of my rantings this year was during the course, especially the start and the end.

i can still vividly remember how each day ended with me lying anywhere on my dorm floor, staring at the ceiling with sweat-soaked uniform. i can still rmb how bad our fire jackets smelled everyday after training and we still had to wear it the next day, be it wet or dry, dirty or clean. i still rmb the first time i cried since ages ago, when i was pushed to my physical and mental limit. i still rmb waking up at 5am every morning running rounds and rounds around the camp, getting our shirts all soaked b4 breakfast. i rmb all the tears, sweat, laughter and joy that i've gone thru this 6 mths, i cant rmb how many times i thought of giving up, thought of quiting, but the thought of proving others wrong motivated me to push on, and finally endure through everything. i wouldnt say its the best 6 mths in my life, its definitely not something i wanna go thru again, but i has been a great experience and exposure that most of my counterparts in army and police wouldnt get.

just as i thought surviving the course was the end, it was actually the beginning. life after passing out is actually as tough as trainee life, becos now my shoulders are heavier, and my motivation as an NSF has deteoriated to the minimal, going to work everyday since 5 Oct 2009 has been a mental torture to me mostly, waking up at 5.30am and gng to choa chu kang 5 days per week is something i have never done before. i begin to understand the life of a typical white collar, how monotonous and taxing life can be on us, but i think i feel more sian, working as an underpaid NSF and being forced to work under many regimentations. looking on the bright side, im glad to be working under nice officers and enciks who understands our thinking and feelings, but i have yet to find the drive to go to work. i believe if i was working for xinmin now, staying back till 11pm is no problem, but now i think of gng home even b4 lunchtime -_- i clearly saw the difference in output when ppl are tasked to do something by choice and by force, and distance really play a big part in our life, especially when it comes to working place and home, it cannot be too far apart when u have no car!

despite all my grumbles, i know i have been a very lucky instructor, being able to work with nice officers is one, another is being able to run two consequtive NCDCC courses at the start of my appointment. which means i get to work with schools and interact with students again, it really brought colour to my dull and grey NS life, even though working with fellow collegues was not always a pleasant experience, the ability to interact with youngsters has made me infected with their enthusiasm, and at the end of the day, the fun and laughter overpowered any unhappiness the day brought. so thank you officers for giving me this unique experience.

now my main job as an instructor just started, with me instructing 49 officers-to-be, things didnt start out too smoothly for me, as i fell seriously sick after my first day at work, and had to take the whole week off lying in bed, feeling bad both physically and mentally. more mentally cos i think i've ps-ed my dear officer who treated me so well, yet i fell at such a crucial moment. like i always prayed for, i hope all my mistakes are forgiven and my officer understand my situation. for 2010, this course is gng to be the only thing that i set my mind into and i will give my 110% to ensure everything goes on smoothly, hope the person up there can be the witness and bless me with the strength, stamina and wisdom needed to survive this 31-week course.

that practically sums up the year 2009, with me lying in bed sick on new years eve =( looking back on 2009, i really have too much to say, but firstly i just wanna thank everyone that has came into my life, giving me energy, be it positive or negative. i got to see a new light into the society i live in, an aspect where most of my peers will not see. i got a peek into the life in the real working world, where papers are not everything and talents are no necessary recognised, everything needs to connect for one to succeed. but above it all, i wanna thanks all loved one, my family and my friends for sticking with me through this year of 2009, full of waves and turbulences, but WE MADE IT THROUGH!

2010 will be just another year for me, doing pretty much the same thing, being restricted by this responsibility called NS. ORD is still a long long way for me, i hope wat others say are true, 2 yrs very fast one...but b4 i start to complain abt how long more i have to endure, i have many things i wish to achieve in 2010, b4 i ORD, and i will list them down here:

1. learn driving
2. get my foundation on architecture(autocad, 3dmax and photoshop)
3. restart my studio and composition
4. revamp my room
5. improve guitar and learn one more instrument, piano or drums
6. teach tuition (yea please look for me if u need)
7. reconnect with friends (sorry if im MIA, its all NS fault! =P)
8. save money for uni days
9. and lastly, reconnect with my blog XD

ok i think thats more than enough things to keep my year occupied, more may come in soon as i cant think of all of them at the moment, the urge comes and goes XD but the top 3 are my all-time priorities, if u r interested to embark on them with me, u are definitely welcomed! =D

i hoped for a peaceful 2009, and it didnt turn out that peaceful in my perspective, but so im gng to ask the person up there again for 2010, i hope its gng to be a peaceful year for me and everything to go smoothly, hope i will find my direction again as i've been lost for quite a while, and help me make all the right decisions and not regret them later in life. more imptly, i hope all my friends and loved ones are at peace too, and maybe they find their direction in life and not feel astrayed like i did. ultimately, i hope 2010 will be a fast and peaceful yr where everyday pass by so quickly, its gone in a blink of an eye! and i can finally breath the air of a free man once again, in 2011...till then...

i wish you a fruitful and meaningful year ahead, since u are reading this, u must be someone really close, and of great importance to me, i thank you for spending the past one year with me and hope we have many more one years to come in the future. all the best to you! =D




its been a month since i passed out as a sergeant! can't believe i haven blogged since 26 days before i passed out. I used to think i would have much to talk abt about i finally graduate from the gruelling 6 mths course, but guess im just too tired to let them out XD this is a glimpse of my passing-out ceremony day =P




feelings about passing out? not as much as i thought it would be, actually after all those long hours of rehearsal i dun feel the excitement as much, but nevertheless happy passing out to all my friends!! =D

after one week of rest, its back to work at the Civil Defence Academy again, this time as an instructor, and i've been trying my best to adapt to my new life since then =\

as my work place is at boon lay, every morning and evening i have lots of time on the train/bus to just stone and reflect on my life...something i love to do ironically...and i thought of hope, and how it move us to carry on with life.

so many times im being asked: do u regret becoming an instructor? having to work 5 days and travelling so far? and i have been having an internal struggle with the answer i give...and i thought about all the choices i've been thus far, how many of them truly made me happy right at the moment i made them? none.

most of the time, we do not have "happiness" as a choice or option in life, its just not available. From choosing our primary school, secondary school, JC and uni course, we are all choosing something most of us hate to do: study, but nevertheless we have to make the choice. I was nvr happy when i choose sajc, i even regret doing so at the start, but after i graduate, life as a student was the best time of my life so far!

so i realized, we regret our choices sometimes because we tend to focus on the opportunity cost of sacrificing our alternative choices, few of us look into the possibilities of the choices we already made. no matter which choice we make, it lead us to the same target ultimately, we just have to make happiness out of the journey ourselves. and that brings us to another important aspect of life: Hope.

hope is something that keeps us going, some great person once said: a person can live 3 weeks without food, 3 days without water, but only 3 seconds without hope. and i feel thats very true. all our life, we've been living on hope, hoping for a better future, hoping for more happiness to come. the fulfillment of one hope lead us to hoping to something else. i remember in my primary school days, we always hope to go to secondary school, and in secondary school, we hope Olevels to end so we can enjoy ourselves in JC. when we reach JC, we realize JC is not all about fun and hoped that Alevel will be over so that we could finally slack in NS, and when we reach NS, we cant wait for ORD so we can study again XD thats the repeated cycle of our life, or my life for now, the bottomline is without hope, we cannot survive. and its hope thats bringing me forward in NS life, hoping to pass out, hoping to ORD...hoping to be happy doing the things im suspose to do.

i believe happiness is a choice we have to make, whereas grieve and agony is the nature of the society. waking up at 5.30am and travelling 2 hours to work everyday made me experience the life of a working adult and a glimpse of the outside world, and im happy to be having this experience while doing what i like at work: teaching

i know i've just been dragging on and on without no focus or organization whatsoever, i shall end here, hope i will have more things to share with myself on this blog soon...until then...all the best to you =)

470 days to ORD....




i cant believe im typing on my long neglected blog again...haha probably roy was right about us wanting to blog but always procrastinated...so here i am at last =D

finally i can see the finish line, but like any long distance race, the final lap is always the toughest, where u are physically and mentally drained to the extend that u dun feel that moving on. And u see the finishing line, but no matter how hard u push urself, that line nvr seem to move closer to you...u can say thats the kind of feeling im getting now. on the brighter side, the sense of accomplishment after actually finishing the race is tremendous, if u ever did complete the race. so i hope i will press on, the next 3 weeks is not gng to be child's play...

actually as the day passes me by, i have alot of thoughts that i wanted to write into my blog, but at the end of the day when i actually sits down infront of the computer, all those thoughts kind of flew away. STM it might be =X but i guess im just too sian and tired of the things gng on around me, and i cant be bothered to say anything anymore. i guess its part of growing up that u learn how to shut up, despite how badly u wanna voice out. learning how to take whatever that is thrown to u, good or bad, and eat it all up, at the end of the day, whatever goes in must come out right? its just a matter of time, i just hope goodness and integrity will prevails at the end of it all.

just watched 2 very classical films recently, Forrest Gump and The Shawshank Redemption, both are timeless masterpieces and i have learnt alot about life thru watching them. Forrest Gump is a light hearted comedy reminding us that innocence and integrity is what we modern ppl terribly lacks. Shawshank Redemption painted a vivid picture of life behind the bars, through the stories of the inmates, we got to see life at a different light. i was almost moved to tears at several occasions during the film. one quote from the movie Shawshank i clearly remember: IN LIFE, WE EITHER GET BUSY LIVING, OR GET BUSY DYING. which one best depicts ur life? we have the choice to decide which option we want to take. for those who watched the films, my interpretation might not be comprehensive or just, but for those who havent watched, go check it out =D

after a wait of 3 years, david tao has finally answered my prayers and delivered his 6th studio album 69乐章! frankly, my first impression of the album was bad, i was =| for the whole time thru the 14 songs. but after 2 weeks of listening, i'm totallly loving it! its not ur conventional chinese commercial music we are bombarded with everyday, but instead a fusion of emotions, detailed arrangements and the love for music. i always felt that music of the west beats the east hands down, because they are more detailed in their arrangements and instruments, making every song in a studio album a masterpiece. whilst chinese music are filled with junk song written for the sake of writing. but david tao's Opus69 was surprising detailed and masterful, it boasts the kind of instrumental and arrangement expertise rare in chinese music industry. i understand that not everyone will be able to appreciate and agree with my thoughts about the album, but nvrtheless its one of the best album i've heard so far and i can safely say on behalf of all DT fans, that our 3 yr wait was worthwhile =)


DT's album has motivated to restart writing songs again, i have so many melodies flowing in my head all these while but no motivation to pen them down, but DT's songs has got me started again. hopefully after 26 days i will be able to revamp my studio and start writing my songs again. i miss my old life before NS, hasnt been able to go back to where i was, but im sure i will find them back asap =D

we can live life one way or another, get busy living or get busy dying, that basically summarise everything, and we obvious know which option to take. thanks for the enlightenment.




David Tao just released a single from his coming studio album 69乐章!! Finally something to brighten up the day xD check out taozhe.blogspot.com for the link to the song, simply said...I love it =) it's a very cheeky song about inspiring people to be their best, the song is Zero to Hero, I keep humming it during trng today xD

Good news aside...56 days more to go and I can pass out, but now my back pain is coming to haunt me =( it's always pain ESP when I slp, and affect my performance during trng. I want to get it check up but it's been a persistent problem so I am afraid of bad news=\ I hope I can endure this pain till I pass out...come on!

Still feeling sian, my mind is filled with problem and yet I hav to handle life in camp, really getting to my nerve...I hope this is the kind of mental trng I'm suspose to go thru in ns...cos I feel as each day passes, I'm getting more sian, tired and 无奈 =|

Tmr is yet another test to take, physical endurance kind of test...so need lots of rest, I dun mind trng hard, but sometimes somethings just want to spoil my mood...

I shan't rant on and on, I dun wan to sound naggy, hope u are doing fine in ur own way=) good night friends!




It's been a long time since I last wrote anything, 3 months to be exact...just because I could not find the energy and motivate to blog, dunno why also, but...

60 more days and I will pass out!! I can't wait, after 3 months of training I hav grew to become impatient xD

this week's program totally made me feel sian...I dunno I feel this sianess inside me since term 1 ended...hopes it will disappear soon ba

to my friends, long time to see, dun worry I'm fine because i have my loved ones around me to go thru these tough times =) I will try to blog more often in camp now just to get back to my habit of blogging, I think it's good for us to pen down ours thoughts, just for memory and keep our minds thinking

It's getting late, good night everyone! All the best=)

p.s mark down this date: 15 aug 2009 because David Tao is releasing his new album 69乐章!! I have waited 3 years for this day xD




its almost THREE months since i last updated, quite sure i've lost the last reader of my neglected blog. since my last post, my life have been a roller coaster ride, from really busy days to extremely laid-back "rest-days", but i haven't got the mood to blog about anything. i think my brain is seriously not working properly these days, has been hibernating for too long XD

ok first thing first, have been teaching in xinmin since feb, and it has been a tiring but fulfilling experience. i guess im really lucky, to be able to work in a familar environment, interacting with people of my age and youngsters. overall it has been much fun, especially the first 3 weeks when i took over a teacher, i really enjoyed the process of planning lessons and teaching. even though its very tiring, it gives me a sense of satisfaction when my students understood what i was teaching. of cos there was dissapointments, when i saw how weak some students are, esp in their chinese. its not due to their knowledge, but their passion and motivation to study and push themselves to the limits. it was also painful to see how many great teachers i knew had left xinmin, and now those sitting on top are no longer familar faces, they are definitely as capable or maybe even more capable, but to me, i no longer feel as warm in xinmin as i used to be. my teaching career ended with homecoming day, where xinmin students got to enjoy themselves, i also felt good to leave the school in a festive note. but im quite sure i will be back after my NS, so wait for me=) thanks to everyone in school for making my short career meaningful, esp teachers of the chinese dept, science dept and ITO.

aside from teaching, most of my after-school hours were spent outside, enjoying company of friends and relatives, which also meant i never really rested, so my health these days are also deteoriating rapidly, but i guess it will be better soon, after i adapt to the routine life of NS.

enlisted on 7 april 2009 into Singapore Civil Defence Force (SCDF), alr spent 3 days at the basic rescue training centre. moving to civil defence academy for my emergency response specialist (ERS) next week. basically i feel blessed to have 3 other saints with me in my platoon and dorm, and the orientation week is finally over. next week i will move on to spec course, which is very physically challenging. i know im not very physically inclined, but i thought i want to gain something from my NS days and not waste my time away, so i decided to challenge myself. ultimately, i hope to push myself to my limits and improve my fitness level.

new life, new environment, new people, but i wanna have the same attitude i always had, not giving up easily and always believe in myself. i will never know where my true limit lies until i reach my limit. but of cos, its important to take care of myself and make sure i survive thru the trainings XD so the person up there, please bless me and keep me safe XD

all of my class guys would be in the army by next tuesday, i hope we will all take care of ourselves and make good use of these 2 yrs to fulfill something in our life. hereby i also hope the person up there to keep everyone safe and sound, and bless us with an eventful yet peaceful 2 years ahead.

botak alr, people say hair are like worries, without hair, means no worries XD i cant believe im alr in NS, and the future 2 yrs still look bleak, but i will press on and survive thru it, i will jump over this obstacle and go for what i truly want in life =D if other ppl can, why can't i?

lol trying to be positive, pardon me xP




things has been moving rather slowly since i came back from china, and it kind of hard to get use to. normally at this time of the year, i will be wearing my uniform and going back to school, having fun with my peeps and knowing new juniors=D but my life is being turned upside down totally, i realized that i actually cant get used to doing nothing and stone XD its an irony of life, when u are busy, u desire to be free, and when im free, i desire to have something to do...it shows that we always need to strike a balance and not have too much of one.

i will contradict myself now: alot of things has happened since i came back, most noteworthy one will be the release of the olvl results. alot of juniors did below their expectations and are now feeling depressed and lost. Me myself also fell victim to the "post-olvl-blues" so i clearly understand how some of my juniors are feeling now.

thus i wanna talk about the "heart of life", inspired by John Mayer's song of the same title. i believe whether we are faced with setbacks in life, all we need is some form of reminder to put away the past and face the future bravely. John Mayer reminded me in this song that pain throws our hearts to the ground, but love can turn the whole thing around. Things dun always turn out as it should, but at the end of the day, i believe that the heart of life is good. everything happens for a reason, each event teaches us a lesson of life, and if we look out for them, we will be able to see a bright side in the darkness situations. especially when we are afraid to move on, always rememeber that fear is but a friend who is misunderstood by us. no matter what, i believe as long as your heart is good, the heart of life will be good to u as well, theres no obstacle too high to cross.

this applies to me as well. i dun expect year 2009 to be 100% smooth-sailing and trouble-free, so i hope this song will serve as a reminder to me and everyone else, that when times are bad, nvr gave up hope, if u are faced with setbacks, learn from it and move on bravely, be who you are and believe in yourself! =D

of cos i wanna congragulate everyone who has done well for their Olevels, never be self-satisfied and continue to strive for greater heights =D my alevels will be released soon as well and i hope everything to turn out well =) and finally happy chinese new year to you ^^

time to enjoy the masterpiece =)

The Heart of Life - John Mayer

I hate to see you cry
Lying there in that position
There's things you need to hear
So turn off your tears and listen

Pain throws you heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No, it won't all go the way, it should
But I know the heart of life is good

You know it's nothing new
Bad news never had good timing
Then the circle of your friends
Will defend the silver lining

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
Fear is a friend who's misunderstood
But I know the heart of life is good

I know it's good