i shouldnt be blogging at this point of time, but i havent been writing for months and i thought for the sake of my GP, i shall attempt to start my brain spinning and reflect on the many thoughts piling up in my mind. i dunno if anyone still visits this place, but well there are pros and cons =) however i do hope you are a J1 or someone who isnt taking any exams lately.


hasnt been feeling very good as of late, both physically and mentally. lost my appetite since sunday and insomia is back at night. i really hope i dun fall ill at this moment, cos the last time i had insomia for 4 days and fell sick for 2 weeks *touchwood* and mentally i dun feel the zai-ness coming out of me yet, i know i should stop looking back at the past so often, but yea i can feel the zai-ness in me 2 weeks before my O's, but for the A's this time, i still seeking that zai-ness in me, that inner-peace and reassurance from myself that i can do. to do that i should stop blogging and continue on my work XD but yea the reasons are stated above =)


we live in such in busy and stressful society, we are made to feel that we must keep moving, cos if we slow down for one moment we will lag behind others. back in xinmin, i didnt really understand what it really meant, until now. i can see that from the way i study, i am getting more and more affected by how others study, what others are doing, and trying to follow suit, im getting influenced by this "if he/she did this practice paper, and i have to do it too in order to be on par" attitude in studies, which is unlikely of me. when i was younger and in a less competitive environment, studies to me was a personal thing, it was about following my feelings and studying when my mind feels like it, and i was mentally certain of the results i was going to get. but studying has become a pill so hard to swallow these days, i really wonder if the problem was in me, or is it with the environment. Like everyone else, all i can do is study to my max capacity and hope for the best, but besides that i have also been reviewing my studying productivity vs. duration, its about doing the most using the least time possible, only 9 days left.

i wanna talk about dreams. very unlikely topic to talk about when i only have 9 days left to either do or dream. most ppl will instantly, "stop dreaming! start doing!", this is the normal reaction in the modern society. but what is life? if, full of care, we have no time to stop and stare? dreaming is an important part of success and an important part of my life too (whatever that means) i do not like to do things without a plan, without a purpose and without a clear direction, and i mean specific work, not general ones like "study". but recently, i feel that i dream less and less, and my dreams are getting shorter and shorter, probably im becoming mentally challenged in the face of reality XD but whatever the reason is, i want to find back my courage to dream for greater things beyond the limitations of reality, becos "reality" is but a self-limiting barrier of our true potential, only when we dare to challenge the limits, we will know where the true limit lies.

david tao once said, and i agree, that love and dream are actually the same thing. when we are pursuing our dreams, we are actually having a relationship with ourselves, its a commitment to oneself to strive for desires, to achieve what we want. i true enough, when i see myself pursuing my dreams bravely, i will really love myself more, becos im doing what i can, and im not wasting my life away meaninglessly. i hope everyone will learn to love ourselves and pursue our dreams.

but life love to play tricks on me. i have two dreams currently, one obvious dream and another unintentionally arised dream. chances are hard to come by, and even harder when they come simultaneously. i really have no idea if i can juggle both dreams and achieve them at the same time, its either i undertake them both, or i drop one to pursue the other. im gonna get'em both=) some people feel that life is a complex number where there's no real solutions, other feel that its a summation to infinity where the solution is either neverending or zero. to me, life can take many forms, and i believe life can be a simultaneous equation, where the both results will be attained at the end of the equation.

nothing much has been going on in my life recently, if u are interested to know. sianz is seriously an understatement about my life now, which occasional drips of colour here and there=) but its part and parcel of JC2 life, im just glad everything will conclude in less than a mths time. currently i have composed 3 more songs and working on the details of them, since my second song i've decided to walk away from sad and emo songs, because that is not representative of my life at all. since last yr, i have already bid farewell to the sad songs of my life, and i am still seeking the happy song i desire, and i think i will not need to look far for it anymore =)

whoever you are, thank you for bearing with me until this point, hope that you are on ur way to achieving your dreams and aspirations. whoever is up there, this might be my last post before A's, wish me luck and grant me all the strength to survive through the race. to some people, the race is ending, to me, it has just started.




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