O Level results was released on the 24th of January, much earlier than last year, but not as much merrier. overall, this year's batch did worse than the previous, and it has affected the results of many people, including those who i care and who cares for me too. Probably the strongest impact i felt was situation at xinmin secondary. we did not do as well as last year.

it was a pity that i couldnt be there personally to see my beloved juniors receive their results, but it was lucky that i couldnt be there, if not i wouldnt be able to control my emotions and break down together with many of my juniors. This is the first time in my 5 years of being a proud xinmin student, that i see people getting an olvl L1R5 higher than their prelims. and not to say our MSG, i could remember clearly when i was still a student at xinmin, everytime the olvl results are released, the principal will speak to the whole school thru the PA and announce how well the school have done, and declare a holiday or half-day at least, but this year the school's didnt even reveal the MSG. It might be because of the slackiness amongst my juniors, it might be the complacency of the teachers, it might be the inexperience of the new principal, it might be the slip-shot moderation from cambridge, whatever the case is, xinmin has not performed better for the first time in at least 5 years.

but it actually isnt so bad, because no matter what, those who did well did really well, i have many juniors coming up to me and telling me they got 8, 7 or even 6. We even produced the top student of singapore, with 10A1s (the newspaper reported wrongly) i couldnt hesitate but advice those able juniors to enter NJC, because it is definitely the best JC around. Actually xinmin's drop in results is reasonable, because our batch has already achieved a result that is hardly attainable, 100% jc-eligible and MSG of 10. this result already placed xinmin amongst the top 5 government schools in singapore, we can even have a xinmin junior college liaoz, since 100% of us are eligible. 所谓高处不胜寒, it is very difficult for a school to remain atop forever, at some point we have to slow down abit and let others catch up with us, so this year is the year where we rest, refill our ammunitions, and prepare for the new year ahead. i believe mdm liew and my teachers will not be shattered by this small setback and continue to work hard for the current batch of sec4s.

its already morning, and i am still unable to fall asleep, bcos im thinking, im thinking about how all my juniors are feeling right now. i've talked to a few of them, some of them are rejoiced, and some of them shed tears of sorrow. i could almost feel myself gng back to the days after olvls were released, naively happying about my not-so-beautiful olvls results, even though i did not shed any tears at this time, but those tears flow into my heart when the postings are released. but it is not about me this time, its about them, those who are in dilemma about where to go, and those who are in grieve about their results. i always believe in the ability of xinmin students, and no matter where i go to, i always feel comfortable when someone is wearing the xinmin uniform, bcos i know we are one big family. xinmin's education is not all about academics, it has thought us many others things which will be more valuable than results. so what if u think u performed badly? so what if u did not reach ur expectation? that is all other's judgement of u, what is important is how u judge urself. one humble teacher, one simple sentence, but it has followed me unknowingly for 4 years. it was by mr tan pin hock, my sec 2 chemistry teacher, he is no longer in xms, and i doubt he even rmb me, but he once said after a test, "when i was a student, i dun discuss answers with my classmates after tests, bcos i know i've put in my effort to study for the exam, and whatever result i get, i will accept it, it is no point comparing with others." i might forget mr tan's looks one day, but this simple sentence will always follow me on, and i hope those juniors who are really this, u might know mr tan, u might not, but i hope this message goes out to u, u've put in the effort, the teachers have put in their effort, and the school has done her part, whatever result we get, we will accept them as it is, there's no use to compare with ur seniors batch, or with other schools. we know that we have learnt to work for what we want, we've gave it our best shot, the knowledge is in us, one piece of paper cannot erase it.

to those of u who have done well, WELL DONE, but in the midst of enjoying the fruits of ur success, dun forget to share some of the rewards with our beloved teachers and school. some ppl say that behind every raffles student, is a group of experienced tuition teachers. even though xinmin is often called "raffles of the north", behind each successful xinmin student, is a group of delicated teachers, who work timelessly just to mark our weekly test scripts, chase us painstakingly just to make sure we sit down and study, and teach us patiently so that we learn while not losing the joy of learning, where else in the world can we find a group of teachers like this? where else in the world can we find such enriching school like xinmin? so no matter how well u've scored, how will u do in the future, even if u bcum the president scholar, which i think is highly possible, always rmb these ppl whom have built a strong foundation for u, and allowed u to stand on the giant's arm, taught u how to fly, helped u reached the clouds, and aspired u to reach out for the stars.

i seemed to have a strange feeling all thru 24th jan, for some reasons. everytime i look at one J1, hanging around just waiting for the clock to struck 11.30 so that they could leave the school and go back to their secondary school, a weird feeling brewed inside me. later i realized its bcos of my own olvl regrets, i've been trying to bury it deep inside me, but that day it threatened to unearth itself and resurface again. i know i've been trying very hard to forget abt the past, and really truly enjoy being a saint and love the school, but i dun think i'll ever make it, bcos i havent found a purpose here. u need to have a purpose in order to be proud of the place u live, in xinmin my purpose was to bring out the best of xinmin thru bringing out the best in me, and thats what i've been working on even up till today, i feel proud to say im from xinmin, but i hate to look at the person's eyes when i tell them im from sajc, this feeling is really un-tahan-able. i dun want to, like many ppl do, spend their 2 yrs in JC and have no memories except studying and CCA, it is not the life i want, thats why im trying to be involved in more things around the school and try my best to make small changes, but im have my own dilemmas too, something like an identity crisis. i dunno who am i, a defiant student? or a goodie-boy kind? its hard to strike a balance, and that why im constantly getting myself into trouble, and i will stop and ask myself, how the hell did i end up like this? like what i said in my last post, i do hope as i get myself involved i will soon find my identity in the school and find my purpose, i dun want to lead 2 years of my life in jc and end up with nth else but the alvl cert.

its hard to answer when juniors ask me," hey is sa good?" one hand i hope that more xinmin students will come to sajc, so the xinmin culture will be stronger, but one another hand i regretted staying in sajc, and i dun want my juniors to walk the same path again. the only right thing to do is to promote my school, while emphasising the impt of making your own decisions. those of u who got 7 8 or 9. plz go to NJ, i hope to see more and more xinmin ppl in top 5 JCs, we have already conquered TJ, now its time to dominate the population in NJ and VJ, and one day we will be able to take down the name of raffles jc and replaced it with xinmin jc. im also happy for those who are gng to come into sajc, im really happy to see more xinmin ppl in our midst, so i can find some feel of home in the foreign land.

have been slacking most of the time this week, bcos my father was back and he kept asking me to use the comp and help him send things, and i ended up playing the comp for the whole night, talk abt discipline. MSA is ongoing and more challenges will emerge as the yr progresses, and very soon we will sit for the final test. i hate it when teachers talk to me as if i will not do well for alvls and asking me to wake up. what makes them think im still asleep? i understand it is partly my fault bcos i really am sleeping for the most part of last year, but the power supply of my engine has already been turned on, all i need to do now is to get it started. but like i always say, im a very difficult engine to start, but plz dun pour more cold water on me? i dubbed this yr as "The Takeover", and i cant wait for it to begin.

most part of this post is delighted to my dear juniors who just gotten their results, if ure not one of them, big thanks to u for reading until the end! and to my juniors, i cannot give u anything but my true thoughts, and hopefully it will be of abit use in facing the many paths in life for u. im just one of the many seniors who love xinmin, and who cares for every single person in the xinmin family, so dun hesitate to come to us with any problems and im sure anyone of us will lend u a listening ear. but all in all, i think xinmin has still done very well, bcos u have became the person u are today, we all learn and mature thru every obstable we encounter and destroyed, and so do not fret, lets work towards our dreams together. 人生的道路上，你和我都是同路人!





rainy days most of the time this past week, i wonder how many of u have ran in the rain, got drenched on the way home, got ur shoes and socks all wet even though u carried an umbrella, or purely grumbled abt the fact that u have to carry a stupid umbrella to school. but as we continues to grumble about the rainy weather, we should stop and observe what happens b4 a rain, the cloudy days, it is signaling to us that a rain is coming, but why are we still out in the rain? humans, we love to challenge the difficulties, simply bcos we ignored it...

for these past week, i've been pondering about the question of how we handle life and its many events which are gng to unfold in the next moment. and this song 阴天 by karen mok has been circulating in my mind, the lyrics repeating in my thoughts. i must compliment 李宗盛 for composing this masterpiece, the catchy music brought forward a sense of realization, which i've been eagerly trying to find.

what have i been doing, and why i've been wanting to some things, are making me confused. normally when u've failed and been hurt real bad in an experience, u'll tend to become more careful and avoid the same mistakes in the future, for me initially i wanted to avoid doing this task which im not gifted in at all, but these days something inside me is telling me otherwise, and im tempted once again to embark on the journey which i onced walked on. but how can i be sure that i will succeed this time? what will happen if i fail again? just like the lyrics of the song depicted, ppl just cant get enough of things, for example relationships, one after another, hoping that the next one will be THE ONE, but most ended up having their hearts broken one time and another, is it worthwhile?

back to my context, im really afraid, that if i choose to embark on this journey again, i might come back even more weathered and beaten than ever before. i'm still pondering, not knowing whats the next move i should make, and how should i make it, theres too many infomations, too many uncertainties, too many difficulties.

but like how the song sang, 要想真明白，真的要好几年. which means wisdom and knowledge comes with experience, and only by making mistakes and facing failure will u be able to learn and improve. some ppl are afraid to make mistakes, bcos they're afraid that when they've learnt, it would be too late. and thats exactly the case for me during my previous attempt at the task, which i ended up having to regret for a long period of time, but i'll rather learn it late, then to not learn it at all.

so i hope the person up there will give me ur blessings, give me this chance to embark on my journey, as long as the chance is given, and the timing is right, i will definitely do my best and not disappoint myself and everyone around me.

these past week has been crazy, i reach home after 7 everyday in the weekdays, due to trainings, lectures and an outing with royston, totally beat when i reach home, no energy to execute any brain cells to study, but nevertheless i've been trying my best to keep up the pace, and get things started slowly. Lessons has been gng on fine and training is getting more hopeful, im delighted that i havent lost a single match since the start of the year, partly due to the fact that i didnt play with the best players in the team, and another reason is due to the effectively of my china trainings ba. its the start of the week again and things are gng to repeat themselves once again, hope my body can continue to take such stress, both physically and mentally.

i will be involved in a couple of performances in the near future, chinese new year and the opening ceremony of fujian student's association. i feel grateful of all these opportunities to perform in public bcos after last yr's numerous failure performances, i realize i still lack experience when performing in the public, thus i do not hesitate to grab any chance these days, just to perform for a few minutes, i'll be contented. and im picking up my singing again, trying to master the new technique to sing keys i couldnt reach in the past, and have been making progress, the final test is to see how my live performances will improve liaoz.

and sajc chinese song writing competition is starting soon! music enthusiast please look out for it! i've already began to refine my first self-composed song with my guitar teacher, so those who have heard my first demo, im still writing the lyrics so do give me ideas if u have, and to all, do come down to support the competitors on the day itself. which day? i also dunno yet lei...lol but im in the chinese society, so if the date is released, i'll be one of the first to be informed.

alot of random blabbering in this post, plz pardon me, i dunno what im typing half of the time, im grabbing the last few minutes b4 sleep to blog, thanks to my busy schedule, i returned home at 8 plus again today! sianzz...but the days seem to be more meaningful when things get concentrated, and hope more good events will unfold as the year progress, im putting all my hope in year 2008, so i'll not disappoint myself, plz dun disappoint me too yea?









ok i know this is abit late...but i havent been getting the blogging mood since the new year started, i shall recount my hongkong trip last year as a start.