patience. its the golden word for me this past one week and more. every events that happened since my last post, tested out my level of patience and im quite happy to see how much i've improved since my sec 3 days. since my last post, it has been a series of non-stop events one after another, i was hoping to catch a break, and here i am, totally free and sian-ed these 2 days, going back to my 宅男 lifestyle.

class chalet will be quite a memorable event for me, guess i'll be remembering the events that occured for life, not that i want to remember, but its so mind-engraving that its hard to put it out of my mind. i also dunno if its a good memory or a bad one, but since bad memories are easily forgotten, i think its a good one, good in the sense that it opened my horizon to this world and gave me new experiences ba. thou shall not elaborate on what exactly is this significant event, those who knows will want to avoid revealing it, just like me...haha. for the most part class chalet was quite a new experience to me, after all its the first major activity i've had with my class, of cos most things didnt go according to plan, for some reasons. BBQ on the first night didnt start until 12am, and by then all the food was already oven-cooked. then second day many peeps left, and our basketball session was affected by the rain. At least i had fun starting the BBQ fire and learning to play mahjong, and we had a satisfying PizzaHut/KFC feast (which damaged my voice, unfortunately) and alll the way thru second day night till third day morning, i had alot of fun, esp gotten alot of new experiences. and i must talk about our chalet, Aloha Changi Fairypoint 6, its super duper ulu, and surrounded by countless abandoned old bungalows and factories, and not to mention the infamous old changi hospital, just walk around the place at night gives me the creeps, and i had a great time scaring myself during the nightwalk along the "broad" way. and of cos one more highlight of the chalet was the double bike me and GJ rented for a bloodly $24, but we cycled almost 20km in 2 days on it, so its quite worth our dimes, thanks to the bike, we were able to have lotsa fun exploring the spooky place and chitchating along the way whiling avoiding the traffic. and i realized...that actually many ppl in class, are behaving similarly as me in front of other ppl...

but after this chalet, im even more convinced that this class i have now cant be compared to my beloved 405, both are good in diff ways, but 405 is the ones that make me feel most belonged and comfortable. how i wish to be back in 405, where i dun have to manage anything, and things still work out fine, i missed those days when as long as we have bbq, benedict and gang will settle everything for us, and when it comes to inhouse activities, everyone is able to enjoy themselves no matter how boring the games seems to me right now, and when it comes to outdoor activities, benedict and the rest will always have something unique and interesting waiting for me to explore. it was those days when fu lu shou looked out for each other, and i know i can always count on mr fu to settle any obstacles that comes our way, and i can always rely on mr shou to have the same sentiments as me. of cos there's hiccups here and there, bcos of the rash and perfectionistic mr lu, but things always miraculous work themselves out somehow. those were the days.

and why isnt 07s17 like this? if u ask me, i say its the attitude and mentality of every individual in the class. we were all brought up in totally different schools with diverse culture and environment, thus its difficult for someone from X school to accept the way of life of a xinmin student like me, thus when we wanna play some games, sure will have some ppl find it sianz, and unable to make themselves enjoy the activities. i've said many times to my classmates, nth is interesting 100%, u have to make urself enjoy the things you're doing if not you'll not be happy with anything. we have a variety of character in this class, some ppl only think for themselves, some ppl think of everything b4 thinking about the class, some ppl think too highly of themselves, some ppl think too lowly of other ppl, and some ppl think too little for the ppl around them, some ppl think too casually, some ppl think too much. one part of our class is very bonded and can get things to work out, but unfortunately its too one-sided, and we're unable to get things moving in a class-chalet situation, back in 405 of cos we're not all bonded, but we have lines, even if its tiny lines, linking every part of the class together, so its a chain-reaction, and we can get things done, right now i feel 07s17 lacks this lines or bridges across different parts, causing a communication breakdown when activities becums too large scale.

now to talk about my singing, friday's talentpop was a total disaster...haiz actually i had anticipated it long ago, i signed up for it just for fun, and i had 3 day chalet during which i spoiled my voice, and i didnt really practice at all, so why will i stand any chance to win? but since i know i will lose, why do i feel so guilty right now? its bcos i regreted. i didnt give my audience their due respect bcos i didnt give them my best, and as someone who loves music so much, i feel a responsibility to bring good music to my fellow saints, but i didnt do that on friday. and now im questioning my own singing, i dunno its the sound system or my vocals, it doesnt seem to be audible in the open, and i am unable to get into the singing groove when im in the open or when its very noisy, seems that my singing still has a long way to go, and my performing skills is also far from reach the mark. thus these few days i've been practising my singing whenever i have the chance, evaluating my singing thru all these years, from CSS right till talentpop, im still desperately trying to find the right way for me to sing, cos i too weak right now. i sing to others so that they will feel the music and understand my emotions, and hopefully fall in love with the music im in love with, but im still unable to convey that to the audience, so my route has only just started, i must listen my mother, to grasp every performance opportunity to gain experience, even 杨宗伟 had to go thru countless competition and performances b4 attaining such singing standards, so what makes me think i can 一步登天?

regarding table tennis, as each day passes, im losing hope with SATT, i mean come on we're like the slackest CCA amongst the teams in national top 3, ok i know i always go training late, but how about those ppl who nvr turn up for training at all? and our number of training days are getting lesser and lesser, seems that my teammates feel their skill will not be lost so easily and the other schools are as slack as us. well thats not the main point, these few days i've been quite satisfied with my progress during training, slowly but surely, but getting my feel for the bat and the ball back, i've yet to return to competition standard but i can see glimmers of hope, thanks to the coach and my teammates for playing with me. but just as im beginning to look forward to trng once more, they tell me theres no more trng cos nobody wants, omg man. ok i know im leaving for china soon, but i wanna have a peace of mind knowing that my team is trng hard back in singapore while i train hard in china, and we will have a go at the championship next yr. yingjie i know you're reading this, lol...plz continue trng hard during the holidays, maybe next week restart trng liao, whether u believe it or not, we need the trng and the players to come for our trng, no matter how good we think we are.

ok that brings me to another point, its decided, i'll be returning to china on the 7th dec, my mother and bro will unlikely be able to go back, sadly. thanks to royston for helping me book the tix online, but im more grateful to my family for allowing me back. earlier i was saying we're still deciding who should go back, then we came to a conclusion that all three of us will stay in singapore, which made me kind of down, bcos of cos i know the reason why i couldnt return, so i didnt argue with my mother, like i used to back in secondary school days, but i was feeling a void in my heart. bcos i know i want to be back in china, every yr at this time, i will always be breathing in china air, and stepping on china soil, if i am not able to go back, i really dunno what i am gng to do in singapore, everything seemed so empty ahead of me. so i raised this issue to my mother again and we came up with solution, im still having mixed feelings now, one side im feeling rejoiced about the fact of going back, another hand im feeling injust for my mother and esp my brother, last yr it was the same situation, both my bro and i wanted to go back, but my mother only allowed me to go back, it was kind of unfair for my bro, and tis yr it'll be the same thing, but i cant help it. so now its confirmed that i'll be gng back, to enjoy myself one last time b4 my Alvls next yr, to trng as hard as i could for the last time in my time, and of cos to finally break the thrift law and buy all the things i want, if i can.

not much time b4 my departure ler, this week will be a boring one, a good opportunity for me to rest my body after a series of tiring events, and to prepare for another series of similar stuff next week. camp is next week! my beloved juniors of SLB, if you're reading this, i just cant contain my excitement, first training camp ran by us SLs for SLs, interesting huh? o yea not to forget tmr is xinmin's open house i think, i shall go back and check out how its gng to unfold, and if the present xinmin students love xinmin as much as i do. so for now its all about relaxing, singing and saving, so that im able to enjoy during the next few weeks in singapore, and i cant wait to meet up with my brothers after what it seemed like to be forever.




上个星期刚送走了PW, 这个星期就和GSC说永别了... Life's good

holidays has finally officially started for me, its suppose to be something worth rejoicing right? but i feel otherwise. basically becos i think i screwed GSC la, the qns was easy, but i didnt perform to my best standard, i even forgotten to write my favorite rebuttal, whats more hurting is, the very day i watched the news and one MP addressed a very insightful comment about the same issue i did for my GSC!! if i had heard it one day earlier, i wouldve written an insightful piece of essay! now i feel my essay is totally ordinary and cant stand out at all...very strong feeling its gng to be a B. but nvr now its useless to grumble about it, just hope the rest are as "ordinary" as mine...

holiday life has been at the limit of boring-ness, i practically stayed home for about 4 liaoz, sleeping at 2am and waking after 12pm, facing the comp, playing the guitar and singing till everyone else sleeps. i feel more and more like a 宅男 lolz... but these 4 days was also the longest time i spent with my family continuously. in the past i was constantly on the move, so not much time to interact with them, these 4 days i really feel more like im part of my family, ironically. its really amazing to realize that the most tolerant people around u, no matter how cold u treat them, how many times u quarrel with them, at the end of the day u all still live under one roof, they still share the same kitchen with u, and they still does the laundry for u. the bond between family members are really amazing, even though some people tend to forget it sometimes. imagine how our society will becum if everyone treats each other like their kins, we will have no war, no poverty, no tragedy, no chaos.

currently im facing a major crisis in my family, regarding if we could return back to china. the problem is similar to the problem i've faced all year. due to this problem now its either i go back myself, or i stay in singapore and let my mother return with my brother. actually my mother has decided to let me return and she will stay in singapore with my brother, but i told her she had to go back to see my grandma, who was 80 years old liao, so i am willing to stay put to allow them to go back. but my mother is still in a dilemma. omg its already mid nov ler, and i planned to leave on 3rd dec, so its now or never liao, hopefully my mother makes up her mind soon.

sometimes i will question my father, and blame all the problems we face in singapore upon him. i find it hard to accept his ego, his over-confidence, his behavior and his carelessness. his wishful thinking and ego caused our family to be so seperated now, and life hasnt become better for us, in fact life might be much better if he had simply stayed in singapore and work for one of the premier architecture firms. but he did not want to be below anyone thus he went to find his own space in china, and thats when all the crap problem start to appear. but ironically, im not much different from him actually, deep aside of me lies the desire to be on top of everyone and excel in everything in do, and maybe thats why i always try to climb the cooperate ladder in every cooperation i join. in fact im worst than my father, at least my father had the determination to work towards his goals, at the very least he was a very diligent student and was a top student from the top university in china, but me? a lazy student who lacks determination and focus and currently in a @%$% school which some ppl dun even know about. so how can i comment about my father when im not even on par with his achievements?

maybe coming to singapore was a grave mistake right from the start. i've very frequently imagined how life will be like for me if i did not come to singapore, and how my family will be like in china, especially these few years after returning to china and witnessing how much life has improved in china for many relative who was not as well off as us last time. Singaporeans always feel that our lifestyle is more superior than the people in china and when we see tourist or immigrants from china, poor, crude, no manners, low-class etc...these words pop out in our mind, but how many of us actually see that beneath the humble appearances of china people, they are actually soooo much better off than us singaporeans? its high time for singaporeans to walk out of the small world their living and loook around the world, its time to jump out of the well. what disgust me most is the way my friends reacts when i tell them im from china, and when i talk to them about china, totally turns me off. Well im proud of my country, but im unable to stay there anymore. if i hadnt come to singapore, life will be totally different, i will probably be staying with my aunt and uncle under the same roof, and i'll be able to see my relative anytime i want, and have cousins whom i can spend my time with, i'll probably be able to get everything i want right now cos things are so cheap there, and maybe i'll study more bcos all my relatives will be forcing me on the chair...haha IFs and MAYBEs...

out of my dream, reality is i've been living in singapore for 11 years ler, and im almost, if not totally, singaporised. my family is also terribly seperated here and there, after my uncle migrate to canada, our family will be even more seperated. so its true huh, globalization is really breaking families aparts, just that i dun think anyone in my family is realising that, except me. i cant wait to end my studies and start working, then i will be able to support my family and lighten the burden of my father, but it'll still take about 10 years before that happens, i hope my family wouldnt collapse before that...im kindna looking forward to NS life, then i will not need to take allowance from my mother and in return pay for some of the family's expenses thru my NS salary. anyway im sure things will be better in the near future and i can live with more peace at home...

i've been wanting to talk about my thoughts after watching 《超级星光大道》, not about how well those ppl sing, they all sing super well. but about the story of 杨宗纬. when i heard him sing thru all the stages, im almost sure that he's the best singer there and there's no reason for him not to win becos of his voice and his good rapport with everyone, but when i read about 林宥家 becoming the champion, i was shocked, and started to wonder why 杨宗纬 lost. then one day on youtube, i watched him apologizing for lying about his age...then i realized that he was disqualified from the competition, what a waste! after some thoughts, i began to question this world, this society we're living. this world seem to hate perfect things, thus all of us are imperfect. 杨宗纬 seem to be perfect, he was no good-looking, but used his voice to conquer everyone's heart, he was not a talker, but was able to get along with everyone around him, all signs point to him being the winner, but heaven must come in and give this beautiful fairy tale a twist, i really dun understand why. why cant we see someone who works hard succeed? why isnt effort be proportionate to results? i see so much of these unfairness around me, but i cant do anything about it, some people say this is the beauty of the imperfect world, but i feel this is a sad fact of life. in a more logical surface, it is really dumb of 杨宗纬 to fake his age, but its even more hard to believe that the news just innocently happen to "find out" his real age, it must be becos ppl jealous of him receiving so much success, that those sadist people feel a need to tarnish him, thus purposely looking out for chances to destroy this fairy tale, and this time they succeeded. i also do not discard the possibility that its one of the other contestants trying to sabotage him, because with him around, its clear that the rest have no chance to win. that brings us back to the cruelty and coldness of our society, when can there be more love and care, and less of war and backstabs??

more things are gng to unfold after today, esp the long anticipated class chalet, im so excited about it, hope its gng to be fun and everyone will have fun. 14 to 16 is class chalet, then 17 to 19 my juniors invited me to their SL chalet! lol its gng to be fun being a old man in the midst of all the kids. its also funny for damn to be having a chalet b4 an intensive camp! lol imagining having fun b4 gng for a training camp (no i didnt mention its gng to be a torture camp!). then 19 is the opening of reading room, after that maybe gng out with camp comm to test out our camp activities, then can wait for the camp to start ler, i cant wait man...and at the very last, hope i can return to china once b4 my Alvls, so many things happened this yr that i feel i need a break away from singapore, and return to the place i truly call home, when i know i must be.




恭喜你！PW终于结束了，酝酿了八个月的郁闷终于得以解脱，也可以不用再不耐烦地和同学作那些有力无心的事情了。现在不要管拿不拿得到好成绩了，反正拿A已是痴人妄想了，其他任何的成绩都一样，以平常心去面对吧！其实PW也让你学到了不少东西，比如让你见识到了什么叫做“王八蛋”，也让你更清楚地认识到这花花世界的多样化，你现在已比以前的你更有耐心，更有毅力，也更有包容心了。PW也不算白费吧！

你意识到了吗？再四天，你的GSC A水准就要开始了，可你自从年终考后付出了什么努力吗？你自己很清楚自己的行为是否正确，可现在已不是责怪自己的时候了，时间紧迫，接下来的4天内要抓紧时间好好恶补以下，临阵磨枪不是你最在行的吗？星期六回去新民找郑老师帮你补习，让你认识到了你的不足了吧！你以为你的华文程度很高，可山外有山，人外有人，不能拘泥啊！郑老师说了，你是和其他读了两年GSC的JC2一同竞争，最多可以拿一个B就很好了，可见你的低能，不容许再沉浸在自以为是的思想中了。考出一个B是你想要的吗？惟有A才能让你满足，所以现在就开始努力吧！明年去新民告诉郑老师：你的看犯错误！

这个假期分比寻常哦，虽然不会长留中国，可新加坡这里的事情真是令人兴奋啊！考完GSC就可以和班级的人在度假屋party三天两夜，SAJC OPEN HOUSE又有TalentPOP的比赛，让你能轻松一下，做你最喜爱的事：表演。当然子后还有一系列的计划工作要做，确保年底的SL Intensive Camp能成功，又可以和以前的伙伴们组织活动，应该很盼望吧！本来以为十一月的活动就这么多，想不到读书会有有任务了，哈哈这次是筹办SAJC Reading Room Opening Ceremony，也就是开幕式，也不知具体要做些什么，不过我觉得肯定很有意思！读书会终于要做一些有意义的事了！（哭笑不得）

刚刚在网上阅读了一些关于环保的新闻，如今很多国家都在搞“环保风暴”，建“环保城”，搞得还满得意地。可虽然环保的努力不间断，世界的环境污染还毫无好转，甚至有恶化的现象，这到底是为什么？我们的“环保风暴”，将问题越“刮”越多，我认为主要还是归咎于人们的素质。没错，你可以建议大堆的“环保城”，可有谁愿意住在一个出门只能走路骑车，在外只能种菜耕田的生活呢？简直不切实际。在来，现今社会有一个很大的矛盾，一方面我们在要求环保，一方面我们要求经济发展。殊不知这两者在根本上是背道而驰的，要求多一点前者就必须损失一点后者，而我们尚未找到一个平衡点，所以环保工作如此艰难。经济的效益造成企业不惜牺牲环境来换取利益，媒体也因此静音，间接的，人们就对与环境的恶化毫不知情。环保组织也没有足够的人才和概括力，一切都靠政府，可我们只有以政府，却有那么多正在破坏环境的企业，如此环保工作不成了天方夜谭了吗？所以如今我们社会的问题很多，包括政策的无效，人们的认识还不深，经济利益的“反环保风暴”和环保组织的微薄社会对动力。可先未来的路还很漫长！

最后，要谈谈音乐！周杰伦的新专辑还不错吧！虽然没有以往那么好，可还是有让你耳目一新的歌曲，我强力推荐《彩虹》；《青花瓷》；《我不配》；《最长的电影》。其中《彩虹》在吉他上弹唱的感觉实在太棒了！可我最喜欢的还是《最长的电影》，感觉格的曲风比较和我的胃口。当然同一天发片的苏打绿《无与伦比的美丽》也一样好听！主场的声音一级棒，很有特色哦！哈哈本来想谈谈我看《超级星光大道》的感想的，可时间很早了，该去休息一下了，呵呵再见咯！

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11/5/2007 ; 3am