recorded a new song with the same name as the title of the post, original by leehom, check it out! imeem player is getting lousy these days, loading time very slow also, pause the music first to load if its too slow, just like youtube!

post exam is really damn sianz, nth much to do except PW, all the rest are busy with it too, so i cant jio any ppl out to happy. ironically, im spending more money than 2 mths combined, thanks to all the expensive outings and PW meetings at fastfood chains. i envy those who are enjoying their post exams and yet have enough money for lunch...haha. i believe those ppl who feel rejoiced after promos are those ppl who really put in alot of effort to study, of cos i dun belong.


after promos some ppl might also be feeling sad, cos they will not be able to see some ppl in the same class anymore...lucky for me and my class, the whole class will be together next yr, we had 100%, and i think we're top 3 class for both econs and maths, hopefully that'll make us one of the top classes in SAJC. haha scholars class is really no play play, i thought we wouldnt do so well cos we screwed CT, but i think everyone bucked up and chiong all the way for promos, except me la, still slow and easy, but this time i won the game...hahaz. next yr is what i anticipated for, the crucial yr where i will repeat my Olvls miracle, all is aimed at that one exam, i'll probably to working on it thru the holidays, since im gng back quite late.


this yr i decided to go back to china only at the start of dec, becos theres many things to settle over here and i dun feel a need to stay in china for so long. lets see, after PW i have GSC Alvl, after that got class chalet, then open house, then end of nov i will be overseeing the xms SL intensive camp which we planned, so i dun think my nov days will be eventless, hopefully. this yr royston might be able to visit xiamen with me, which is what i really hope for cos all these years i've been in china alone in the day, with no where to hang out cos everyone is either studying or working. if royston is able to come along we might be planning to visit several cities, like fuzhou, shanghai, and hongkong. i really wanna go hongkong cos it seem quite happening and i wanna play the roller coaster and all those extreme theme parks! lol


my brothers are all doing well in life, i see them becoming more and more complete as the days past by, leaving me still having a big void in my heart. lol...i dunno should i feel sad or happy, kinda mixed feelings. of cos i feel extremely for my brothers, but i feel terribly sad for myself, haiz my lack of determination. i might seem to be confident, determined, enthusiastic, spontaneous etc.. at times, but other times im actually quite indecisive, hesitant, cowardy, undetermined etc i also what type of person i am la, but due to whatever reason the void in my heart is not filled, still feeling empty when i am alone and back track abt my past. im yet to find someone or something i'll die for, which means i have not lived yet, but i cant understand the idea of dying for something, i always think if i cant do it, there's always another chance another time, or another alternative. this shows a lack of determination, sometimes its impt to stick to something u really believe in and not let anything change ur mindset, im still trying to learn that.


the next 2 to 3 weeks will be GSC weeks, i will spend some of my time doing compres and reading, and probably writing in chinese. and i have been trying to preserve my voice, its time to start singing regularly cos when i go china i will not be singing that often, which will make my vocals go rusty. i always hope to use my voice to express my feelings, as a way to destress, and hopefully touch other ppl. started composition not long ago, has got the basic tune settled, but the lyrics is still not composed. hard to believe right? i can write thousand of words in a blog but cant think of the content of my lyrics, but i cant help it, i need to really write my true feelings into the song, im not a contract composer and i dun compose for the sake of composing...lol more impt im still a newb, so nvm being slow..hahaha


well, hope everyone will perservere thru this final lap of PW, and jiayou for chinese Alvls if u have. after that HAPPY HAPPY-ing ppl! haha and dun forget to jio me out for outing when there's one, im always free and available!






almost 2 and i still cant get into the sleepy mood, as usual...so many things i ought to be doing right now but my heart isnt listening to my brain, so here i am blogging away happily, while praying i will wake up on time tmr morning...

many things have happened since i last blogged, and the ram in my pentium 1 brain cannot load the memories out right now, at least not every thing that i experience. should i say that this world is spinning around and around without any regards to whether we can keep up with the pace or not.

i wanna touch on one important issue which affects everyone of us, whether u have it or not. its DESIRE. one funny thing i observed while on the bus 88 today: when the bus drove to a stop outside RI, about 80% of the passengers turned their heads towards the RI main gate and stared at it until the bus drove away...when i look into their eyes...i wonder whats gng on in their minds. then when the bus stopped outside catholic high, no one gave a second glace in the cat high campus and the bus sped away. it might be a coincidence, but i doubt so...its the mentality people have, the desire to get the things you didnt. what went through MY mind when i saw RI? you might ask, in my mind i was saying, "if only i had work hard enough..." but verbally i will say, "RI nia!" lol see our reaction creates humor? i dunno if this is true for everyone, but im just being true to myself. we always desire things which we cannot attain, or didnt attain. but at least for myself, i feel that i look way too far, and forgot about the things around me, its good to aim big, but when u cant achieve it, learn to cherish the things u have around, this will make life much happier to go through...i hope i really think that way...cos i dun

promos is finally over, actually it was over long ago...but post promos period didnt turn out as fun as it was anticipated. its probably bcos i did not work hard enoigh for promos ba, slacked too much so pre and post promos seem indifferent. getting back the last 2 papers tmr, hope i will do well, cos now i havent reach 35 points yet. many ppl around me are doing very well, which is a good thing, but a bad news for me, bcos it shows that im under-performing. its time to start revising this year's work all over again, understand all the concepts and attempt the TYS, now its full force towards A levels, heck school standards liaoz, o that reminded me something: to register for SAT, though i am a bit lazy to take it this yr, think i flunk it...

have been asking myself many questions these days, and began thinking in another direction, this allowed me to understand many things in a new light. but sometimes i think we should just stop thinking so much, and carry on with life, taking on every obstacle as they arise, and not cracking our heads to think of possible problems. this way might give us a F for PW, but it'll definitely make our life an EE. true enough, life will be much easier without all the possible limitations and hesitations.

some ppl keep talking about what they wanna do, what they hope to do but have not done, what they want to be...etc i hope all those wishes are from the bottom of our hearts. as we busy ourselves everyday, i realize that i gradually lost touch with my dreams and ambitions, i forgotten what i wanted to be, wanted to do, because there's too many "impossibility". when we use our logic thinking to evaluate something, there's always something that is impossible, it is only when we stop thinking so much and just do it, impossible will be nothing. but our logic mind is stopping us from doing what we really want, thats the sad fact in life.

i always tell my friends that i wanna study architecture, i wanna follow my family's footsteps and continue the family business, but deep down in side, i actually dunno if this is really what i want. bcos i choose this path merely bcos nothing interest me and architecture is the only route i can possibly take. all my interests, are impossible to sustain my livelihood in the future.

i rmb as a kid, i had many many interests, i loved to draw and i loved kungfu, but i stopped doing all that long time ago, and its impossible for me to survive with drawing or kungfu. i also love singing but lazy to learn music, and its so impossible to be a singer these days. i also aspired to be a lawyer, but my GP sucks, i wanted to be a doctor, but now i dun take BIO or CHEM, i wanna be a gamer but i suck at WARCRAFT, i wanna be a programmer but i was intimidated with COMPUTING. i think its just my personality, not able to focus and work towards what i want. my friends often ask me the same qns, do you wanna be a singer? my answer is always no, but i wouldnt reject if theres a chance. the fact is nth in this world really interest me right now, like everyone, i just wanna have fun all day long, and my hobbies are singing and tabletennis, but i am good at nth, so its impossible to make a career out of anything.

as my uncle said to be last time: you cant do what u like, im not doing what i like. but you need to earn the $$! true enough, my uncle is not a architect major, he majored in COMPUTING! lol but now he's surviving on interior design, it is definitely not what he like to do, but it brings him $$. mayeb that why i am studying my life away right now, bcos i can do nth else, in order to survive, we have to do what is beneficial to us, and not what really appeals to us. look what kind of world we live in!

NEED and WANT, thats the two major factor in life.

have been going out quite often these days, spent all my $$ for this mth away liaoz...so now im offically broke, i'll go into poverty mode once again! thanks to all the PW meetings at mac, SL meetings at MAC too! TT team outings, KTV outing and other random but expensive outings. sometimes i really dunno where all my $$ gone to, it seems to disappear as soon as i put it in my wallet. time to manage $$ properly liaoz...

its great to hear my ex-classmates to be doing well in their studies, and most impt, enjoying their life. of cos there's some incidents here and there, but no worries. maybe i shall be abit more critical over here, i hope mr fu and mr shou dun mind my straightforwardness. cos sadly, all three of us did not perform to our very best.

to mr fu, i know you dun read my blog, lol, but i shall say nevertheless, you are the smartest among us, one of the real genius among the friends i know, but u havent been putting ur intelligence to the susposely right place. i used "susposely" bcos i feel u should be studying, but i know u might feel that other things in life are more impt. but i dun worry for u, bcos i have confidence in you, i know u know what u are doing, and u'll definitely do the right things at the right time, and you'll turn out to be a successful person.

to mr shou, it was a shock to me to be frank, i didnt expect it, i believe little did u expect it from urself. but what done cannot be undone, i dun think its game over for u...FAR FROM IT! rather than studying, i thinking its time to review ur efforts this year and find a more efficient way to apply ur efforts. you are someone who can really study, the most studious among us three, but there's a diff between able to study, and able to take test. but no worries, bcos i believe u understand even more than i do, and u'll find ur path very soon, given ur diligence and great attitude, you'll definitely rise above the rest to do us proud, u've already done me proud in many things liaoz..lol

i say until like i very pro liddat, critisize u alll lidddat, lol i hope u all understand my rational behind it, its not that im trying to gei kiang or act smart, its just my true thoughts. im someone whose stuck in between the two of u, maybe thats why we're fu lu shou, as lu im suspose to be stuck in the middle. i do not have the wit of mr fu, little do i have the diligence of mr shou, thats what make me in a diff position. i have seriously underperformed as well, none where near good, and what i should do is try to learn from u guys and empower myself, stay focused and work hard towards A levels. even though we're walking diff paths, i belive they all leads us to success, we will work hard together and soon we will reunit infront of the door of success.

its hard to be lovers, but its harder to be friends, i strongly believe in that, thats why i try my utmost best to cherish everyone around me, even though sometimes i seem to be not doing that. while seeking to fill my other half, friends are the supporting pillars, its great to be with so many great ppl, both in xinmin and in sajc.

currently theres many task on hand, the most impt will be GSC Alvls, then there's also PW. apart from that im also busying planning SL intensive camp for my beloved xinmin junior SLs, first time the school gave u such a heavy responsibility, but i willingly accepts it. im not someone who's strict by nature, even though i was incharge of discipline, my friends wil know that im actually a very lax person...lol so when the teachers ask us to make the camp " physically and mentally tough" my other SLAB members began to plan a torture camp...makes me worry for my juniors, however worry not cos as long as im there, i'll TRY to spare as many of u from torture as possible..hahaz cant wait for 29 nov to 2 dec man...

to that someone up there, thank you for everything during promos, give me luck during this final lap of the year...thanks!









太变态了,简直受不了了...现在读书简直就是慢性自杀,自我虐待.我快要疯了,有没有人救救我啊~

本来我还在考虑要不要放弃物理,刚刚做了12题MCQ, 就有8题不会！还耗了我2小时，不断翻书。翻啊翻啊...可始终找不到答案，真是气死我了!不知道是我太笨，还是SAJC的讲义太滥。我越做越想吐了，那种临考前发现自己会做题目的感觉真得很不好受。我如果放弃物理，经济和数学有把握几个吗？未知数太多了，我不敢乱下定论，不过真是令人忧心啊。。。我不要留级！

已经3点了，我还是难以入睡，一想到自己没做的复习，就一脑子混乱。我是着回想去年O水准的时候我是如何读书的，可我好像已经想不起来了。我现在感觉自己是个从未读过书的人，面对一桌子的书山，不从何下手。读书对我似乎变得陌生了，还是以前的那个宋俣川已被我留在了新民中学？我虽然肉体离开了新民，可精神依旧留在那个又小又破，却比任何学校都华丽的新民？现在的我，只是一个空壳子...
为什么？可能是我把自己忘在了新民，也可能...我的灵魂已在SAJC被淘空了，im now a song without a soul...

最近很矛盾，当初我来SAJC的目的就是为了离开“新民式”的环境，重新开始我的生命，少到一个全新的自己，我可现在的我却渴望找回自己。每次想到我的朋友们在TJC，在NYJC过得多莫融洽，自在，反观我自己在SAJC不但没发现新的自己，还丢失了原来的我。我好想念“新民式”的生活啊，好后悔选择了SAJC，好渴望找回我自己。。。

可我在哪里？没有人能回答我，我只能默默过这现在的生活，期待离开学校的那一天。可那一天似乎离我越来越遥远了。

我本以为在SAJC，我拥有一群相处融洽的朋友，我本以为在这里我会找到心灵的滋养，我本以为在这里我会拥有色彩缤纷的生活。可一切都是我痴人妄想罢了，朋友离的离，散的散，分的分，SAJC的走廊如今是多么的陌生，不是我用文字可以形容的。

这一切又是谁的错？是我的错？还是你的错？不。这不是任何人的错，这只是老天和我玩的一场游戏。每个人一生都要经历不少挫折，不经历风雨如何见彩虹？论古今成败之林，其何以成何以败，曰：“有毅力者成，反是者败。”而人生逆多顺少，互相交错，幸大逆之后必有大顺，人生依旧充满希望。

我明白了一个道理：人生的悲欢，其实全看你的选择。未来的生活中，我们都要慎重做出选择，不能莽撞！

有一个伟人曾经说过：“if you have not found something that you're willing to die for, you have not lived.” 我们的一切梦想，什么4As, 当医生，当歌手，赚一百万，荣华富贵。。。其实都虚无缥缈，因为人生的快乐根本不是建立在那些东西上面，那只是增加快乐的因素，可快乐产生的源泉是什么？我以前不明白，以为成功，胜利，财富是我生活的目标，可我现在明白了，目标固然重要，可如果身边没有人和你分享你成功的果实，你是无法快乐的。翻过来，就算你一无所有，这要有心爱的在身边一起同甘共苦，就不会觉得痛苦，而且一块就能雨过天晴。这，就是爱的力量。爱，才是快乐的源泉。

爱很简单，只是常被我们忽略，因为我们长期被物质的追求和成功抹黑了视线。连我自己也无法理解如何去爱，因为身边有太多约束，太多顾忌了。我也不会爱，造成了严重的遗憾。

可一切都来得及，不要放弃，因为故事还没结束，我的生命。。。还有着许许多多未翻开的页面，许许多多未揭晓的故事，等待着我去探索。你也是一样，我们每个人都有着一万种可能。

从物理讲到生命，还真不容易啊。。哈哈我现在舒服多了，将心中的怨气和愁绪写出来，真得让人轻松了很多。现在在看陶喆最新的《康熙来了》访谈，心情更是愉快，不说了。。。考试后见！看我明年在JC2吧！