its good friday today!!=D i really a break after this tiring week. homecoming will be tomorow, really looking forward to it, thinking that it would be my homecoming as xinmin student really sting me. looking back at these 4 years in xinmin, i should say i feel regretful of wasting my first two years here. sec one didnt get to set up our stall, sec2 totally not involved in our stall, terribly sorry sec2 classmates:( but fortunately i managed to get myself together, and headed the homecoming last year, and we came in fourth in terms of profit! hopefully this year our class will do even better cos we are setting up two stalls!! tomorow will definitely be a day worth waiting for.

also by tomorow, i will forget about you...hopefully...i promised myself that if by tmr i dun get closer to you, i will chose to give up and give my best wishes to you and him. you are the sorrow of my life, seeing you walking with him is like knives piercing through my heart. i cant escape the pain, because you were often near and i will look towards ur direction without realizing it. he is always one step faster then me, and his skin is always one layer thinker then me. in the hall, when you were sitting with your friends waiting for the rehearsal to start, he will appear in front of you and talk to you, but i could only be far behind you, looking at you hopelessly. even when your stall is only next to mine, i could only bring myself to glance at you through the windows, but he was able to accompany beside you for the whole time. i admit that i had lost flat out, i hate myself myself for being so useless...

tomorow marks the end of big events i will go through as a xinmin student. being a graduating student is tough, set aside the academic stress, it is actually about overcoming the sorrow of leaving. xinmin is the place i achieved the best things in my life so far, it is the place where i came to realize how to be a person, and it is the place i realized the importance of friendship. i still could remember very clearly the time when i cried in front of the general office back in fernvale. i did not do well for my psle and was 2 marks short to meet the cut-off for xinmin. i was posted to nan chiau, to come to xinmin i made a decision which i came to regret in the next fews years. i agreed to play for the volleyball team during my stay in xinmin, i didnt how to play volleyball at that time, but the coach agreed to take me in anyway. i dunno why i was so persistent in coming to xinmin, maybe its just from my primary school days i have already decided that i will study in this school called xinmin. or maybe its fate that brought me to xinmin, i really dunno. as a sec1 student, i didnt think i will like xinmin at all, becos i was forced to join the volleyball team, i took as a burden for me. first semester i did work hard as a member of the volleyball team, but i could play well, my teamates are always better than me, i begin to lose confidence in volleyball, when i was introduced to this sport call table tennis in semester 2, i finally realized where i should be, and i gave up volleyball and purse table tennis. but i am still in the vb team. sometimes i will regret giving up vb so early, i hate myself for not being persistent enough. but i am also thankful that i isolated myslf with the rest of the volleyballers, i might not have everything i am having now if i continues to mix with some of them. at least i wouldn't be able to have a brother like roy if i continues to play volleyball. today, after four years, i am already used to people who do not know me well calling me a "ballpicker", i do not blame these people, cos it was my fault to be kicked out of the main team, but i am not sad, bcos like the old saying goes,"you lose something to gain something" and i must say that i have gain far more then i expected.
sec2 years was a blessing to me, even though i dun have much achievements, it opens the door to many opportunities later in sec3. it the year i got to know roy, but we werent very good friends back then. i was quite surprised that mdm sai selected to for the SL interview, it was quite a shock to me bcos i didnt think i was a very good student. my trainee days was also a learning time for me, i came to realize many problems i had within me. but also because i was too cold to my friends when performing duty, i created many obstacles for myself over the next few years.
sec3 was the turning point of my life. i got to know benedict when i was instructed to sit next to him, my impression about him was very bad at the start of the year because i thought he belonged to the "pai kia" group, but after talking to him for a while roy ben and i became very good friends. meanwhile my relationship with other peers dropped to its worst, to the extent that in beijing, all the boys launched a boycott towards me, i was totally shattered at that point becos even my best friend turned against me. fortunately, thanks to ms tee, she helped me clear the boycott and made me realized what's wrong with my actions and speeches. the beijing trip changed me totally and helped me got the all the friends i had lost, it also allowed me to learn how to be a better person and i begin to have a larger group of friends. the problems are still with me today and i am still trying to get rid of it.
sec4 was my best year yet, i managed to clear many misunderstandings among my peers and restart good relations with many people. now i finally realized what is friendship.

i want to thank all the people in xinmin that have made a difference in my life.
first fu for teaching me so much about life, and how to get along with others.
shou for going through tough and thin with me, playing tt with me all these years, making my life colourful
ms tee, for helping me realize my mistakes, giving me for much faith by letting me into chinese debate, and sending me for xiangsheng compeitition. i will not have achieve what i have today without your help
the DBs, for letting me be part of the organization and giving me leadership opportunities
SLB for making my life in xinmin so meaningful, i love xinmin, but i love the SLB even more.
mdm sai for selecting me for the SL interview
and lastly you, for letting me understand how useless i am...




this weekend is so busy, friday night sing until sore throat, saturday morning sports day, afternoon bowling session, night singing session again. then sunday morning woke up at 9.30am and went to school to play my beloved table tennis=] whole afternoon tuition, then night wasted my time waiting for the buffet to start, after dinner is singing session again=P

thus i wouldnt blog the usual, cos the weekdays were boring, in its place i will blog according to events...

this week nvr really pay attention in class, sorry teachers...cos i was writing my song lyrics. it all begins on monday, roy and i went hougang point for lunch, in the midst of our lunch a massive downpour occurred, then after i sent roy off, i had to dash through the unsheltered HDB blocks. very long time nvr run in the rain liao, since sec 3 to be precise, cos school to my hse all sheltered. then the rain became stronger and stronger, monstrous i should say, seeing i had to dash across for about 400m in one shot to reach my hse, i decided to sit under one HDB block and i did, sat there for dunno how long, then all the feelings for you came to me, the rain seemed very ending, so are my feelings. then i started huming my favourite david tao music and all my feelings became the lyrics...so next fews day i started working on the lyrics and it was done on thursday. but the sad thing is, i cant sing the song=( very high difficulty, thats why from friday all the way to sunday i've been practising the same song. but what if i really managed to sing it properly? will i be able to sing to you?
blogspot cant show chinese, but the song's title is "yu ji" which means season of rain.

sports day also made great impacts on my feelings, not very much about the competiton and the cheering, even though i must say that i am quite sad that falcon was last, but i was focused on other things. i must say i really learnt more about someone, ppl used to tell me that he's very arrogant, and i felt that throught my interaction with him. but somehow, he reminds me of myselfs, i used to be as arrogant as him, maybe thats why i could understand him, i also saw the good side of him, he's other side is something i could nvr surpass, that truthfulness, friendlyness and selflessness. sometimes i think everyone has two sides, some ppl can see your good side, and become your friends, whereas someone unfortunately saw ur bad side, and detest you forever. when can we start to take a step further and look at the big picture, look at both sides of a person, if everyone could do that, there's be no hatred in this world...
also during sports day, you were just metres from me, but it seems to me like the distance from singapore to china. you are always with ur friends, how do i get closer to you? there's someone who is doing more for you than me, taking more initiative than me, closer to you than me, how do i compete with him? after the sports day you left promptly with ur friends, so am i, but i left later cos i watched you leave b4 persuading myself to retreat too...
always so near, yet so far...after homecoming day, if it still remains this way, i think it'll be about time i give up and concentrate on my studies...but can i forget you?

while waiting for the bus to SUPERBOWL, another incident happened on me which made my mind spin. a group of our students were offered cigarettes by some ex-students and they were smoking away 50m metres away from me. i had my camera phone with me, i took it out, but can make myself to snap them, i was afraid of the physical pain i might have to suffer, i dun wanna get involved with these gangsters. at last the timid me let them walk away under my nose...i had always told my friends that i will catch the smokers in the school b4 i leave, but i did i do when the chance was just infront of me?

today joey told me someone from 406 came in to our class last week and took my physics textbook without my permission. when i ask him who, he said he dunno. and my physics is gone AGAIN. it was lost once, and i spent $16 on another copy, and now its lost again?! i think i am correct in calling my classroom a sewer, when u put something inside, dun expect it to appear again. i was wondering why some people are just so hateful? why are they so inpolite? now putting anything in my class had became dangerous, why cant some people be more human? what wrong have i done to have my physics textbook lost 2 times? thinking back...why can't those people who are called my "friends" be like a friend? letting someone going inside the classroom and take my things is just like letting a burglar into the house to rob us!why cant people be more vigilant and my less selfish? instead of warning the 406 ppl,"hey, dun take MY things hor!" why dun they say,"hey, dun take anythings without asking hor!" why are humans like us so selfish, only caring about playing table tennis and ignorant about what going on in class, to the extend that they dun even know who took my book, when its so easy to just take note who went into the class...reflecting back, why cant my friends be more reliable and righteous, just like the time the cake fell on my jacket, none of my friends noticed who threw it on my jacket, or should i say no one dared to say. even my best friends, none of them stood up for me to confront the conflict, and help me uphold justice? everyone wants to avoid trouble, to the extend that even a friend, or best friend is in trouble, we still do not want to stand up to fight hand in hand. is our friendship really that thin? i wonder if one day we were to meet up with some problem with other people, will our friends stand by us, or just let us face the storm alone?
is there true "brothers" among friends in this society? i would want to know, who can give me the answer?

sorry for being too emotional for the above passages, i just have so much feelings of sorrow and displeasure that i want to throw out. i know there's many POIs which could be easily rebutted, sorry if i offended anyone, just let me be unreasonable for once, just let me be a kid again for once, where i could say whatever i want, scold whoever i want, and not afraid of losing my popularity or friendship. i am really very tired living in this society full of lies and fake emotions, i am tired of acting out my role as a member of this society, i am tired of putting a false front, saying things which i dun wanna say, acting out things for a particular motive. i just wanna be myself again...but can i? this society has become corrupted through the years and everyone is forced to live with our fake shell, hiding out true feelings and personalities. its the only way to survive in this dark and evil world. when can we be ourselves again?