my eden

and to sum it all up...

2010-01-01T01:48:00.002+08:00

im so glad its finally the end of 2009, and what a long, eventful and gruelling one year it has been for me. 2009 doesnt feel like 365 days to me, it feels like 2009 days, thats the best description i can give you.

the year has definitely been eventful without a doubt, starting with me coming back from a fruitful trip to china with my godbrother royston. Back then i lived everyday like Sunday, practically rotting at home and occasionally searching for jobs to do, until i finally received the long await call from mr tang. I began my short but enjoyable career as a relief teacher in xinmin, where i was totally blessed with joy at work in every aspect, even though work was long and tiring, i did not feel the fatigue at all, i looked forward to everyday at work, working with my teachers and interacting with students: something i loved to do. Man, i would love to go back to those 2 months...

before i knew it 3 mths passed and i enlisted into the SCDF (don't be confused, yes i said 2009 was slow, it started to become slow from this moment) and after a short 3 days orientation as a recruit, i was thrown aimlessly into a gruelling and painstaking 24-weeks emergency response specialist course where i was trained physically and mentally as a fire-fighter, an emergency responder and a rescuer. Most of my rantings this year was during the course, especially the start and the end.

i can still vividly remember how each day ended with me lying anywhere on my dorm floor, staring at the ceiling with sweat-soaked uniform. i can still rmb how bad our fire jackets smelled everyday after training and we still had to wear it the next day, be it wet or dry, dirty or clean. i still rmb the first time i cried since ages ago, when i was pushed to my physical and mental limit. i still rmb waking up at 5am every morning running rounds and rounds around the camp, getting our shirts all soaked b4 breakfast. i rmb all the tears, sweat, laughter and joy that i've gone thru this 6 mths, i cant rmb how many times i thought of giving up, thought of quiting, but the thought of proving others wrong motivated me to push on, and finally endure through everything. i wouldnt say its the best 6 mths in my life, its definitely not something i wanna go thru again, but i has been a great experience and exposure that most of my counterparts in army and police wouldnt get.

just as i thought surviving the course was the end, it was actually the beginning. life after passing out is actually as tough as trainee life, becos now my shoulders are heavier, and my motivation as an NSF has deteoriated to the minimal, going to work everyday since 5 Oct 2009 has been a mental torture to me mostly, waking up at 5.30am and gng to choa chu kang 5 days per week is something i have never done before. i begin to understand the life of a typical white collar, how monotonous and taxing life can be on us, but i think i feel more sian, working as an underpaid NSF and being forced to work under many regimentations. looking on the bright side, im glad to be working under nice officers and enciks who understands our thinking and feelings, but i have yet to find the drive to go to work. i believe if i was working for xinmin now, staying back till 11pm is no problem, but now i think of gng home even b4 lunchtime -_- i clearly saw the difference in output when ppl are tasked to do something by choice and by force, and distance really play a big part in our life, especially when it comes to working place and home, it cannot be too far apart when u have no car!

despite all my grumbles, i know i have been a very lucky instructor, being able to work with nice officers is one, another is being able to run two consequtive NCDCC courses at the start of my appointment. which means i get to work with schools and interact with students again, it really brought colour to my dull and grey NS life, even though working with fellow collegues was not always a pleasant experience, the ability to interact with youngsters has made me infected with their enthusiasm, and at the end of the day, the fun and laughter overpowered any unhappiness the day brought. so thank you officers for giving me this unique experience.

now my main job as an instructor just started, with me instructing 49 officers-to-be, things didnt start out too smoothly for me, as i fell seriously sick after my first day at work, and had to take the whole week off lying in bed, feeling bad both physically and mentally. more mentally cos i think i've ps-ed my dear officer who treated me so well, yet i fell at such a crucial moment. like i always prayed for, i hope all my mistakes are forgiven and my officer understand my situation. for 2010, this course is gng to be the only thing that i set my mind into and i will give my 110% to ensure everything goes on smoothly, hope the person up there can be the witness and bless me with the strength, stamina and wisdom needed to survive this 31-week course.

that practically sums up the year 2009, with me lying in bed sick on new years eve =( looking back on 2009, i really have too much to say, but firstly i just wanna thank everyone that has came into my life, giving me energy, be it positive or negative. i got to see a new light into the society i live in, an aspect where most of my peers will not see. i got a peek into the life in the real working world, where papers are not everything and talents are no necessary recognised, everything needs to connect for one to succeed. but above it all, i wanna thanks all loved one, my family and my friends for sticking with me through this year of 2009, full of waves and turbulences, but WE MADE IT THROUGH!

2010 will be just another year for me, doing pretty much the same thing, being restricted by this responsibility called NS. ORD is still a long long way for me, i hope wat others say are true, 2 yrs very fast one...but b4 i start to complain abt how long more i have to endure, i have many things i wish to achieve in 2010, b4 i ORD, and i will list them down here:

1. learn driving
2. get my foundation on architecture(autocad, 3dmax and photoshop)
3. restart my studio and composition
4. revamp my room
5. improve guitar and learn one more instrument, piano or drums
6. teach tuition (yea please look for me if u need)
7. reconnect with friends (sorry if im MIA, its all NS fault! =P)
8. save money for uni days
9. and lastly, reconnect with my blog XD

ok i think thats more than enough things to keep my year occupied, more may come in soon as i cant think of all of them at the moment, the urge comes and goes XD but the top 3 are my all-time priorities, if u r interested to embark on them with me, u are definitely welcomed! =D

i hoped for a peaceful 2009, and it didnt turn out that peaceful in my perspective, but so im gng to ask the person up there again for 2010, i hope its gng to be a peaceful year for me and everything to go smoothly, hope i will find my direction again as i've been lost for quite a while, and help me make all the right decisions and not regret them later in life. more imptly, i hope all my friends and loved ones are at peace too, and maybe they find their direction in life and not feel astrayed like i did. ultimately, i hope 2010 will be a fast and peaceful yr where everyday pass by so quickly, its gone in a blink of an eye! and i can finally breath the air of a free man once again, in 2011...till then...

i wish you a fruitful and meaningful year ahead, since u are reading this, u must be someone really close, and of great importance to me, i thank you for spending the past one year with me and hope we have many more one years to come in the future. all the best to you! =D

Hope.

2009-10-25T01:43:00.005+08:00

its been a month since i passed out as a sergeant! can't believe i haven blogged since 26 days before i passed out. I used to think i would have much to talk abt about i finally graduate from the gruelling 6 mths course, but guess im just too tired to let them out XD this is a glimpse of my passing-out ceremony day =P

feelings about passing out? not as much as i thought it would be, actually after all those long hours of rehearsal i dun feel the excitement as much, but nevertheless happy passing out to all my friends!! =D

after one week of rest, its back to work at the Civil Defence Academy again, this time as an instructor, and i've been trying my best to adapt to my new life since then =\

as my work place is at boon lay, every morning and evening i have lots of time on the train/bus to just stone and reflect on my life...something i love to do ironically...and i thought of hope, and how it move us to carry on with life.

so many times im being asked: do u regret becoming an instructor? having to work 5 days and travelling so far? and i have been having an internal struggle with the answer i give...and i thought about all the choices i've been thus far, how many of them truly made me happy right at the moment i made them? none.

most of the time, we do not have "happiness" as a choice or option in life, its just not available. From choosing our primary school, secondary school, JC and uni course, we are all choosing something most of us hate to do: study, but nevertheless we have to make the choice. I was nvr happy when i choose sajc, i even regret doing so at the start, but after i graduate, life as a student was the best time of my life so far!

so i realized, we regret our choices sometimes because we tend to focus on the opportunity cost of sacrificing our alternative choices, few of us look into the possibilities of the choices we already made. no matter which choice we make, it lead us to the same target ultimately, we just have to make happiness out of the journey ourselves. and that brings us to another important aspect of life: Hope.

hope is something that keeps us going, some great person once said: a person can live 3 weeks without food, 3 days without water, but only 3 seconds without hope. and i feel thats very true. all our life, we've been living on hope, hoping for a better future, hoping for more happiness to come. the fulfillment of one hope lead us to hoping to something else. i remember in my primary school days, we always hope to go to secondary school, and in secondary school, we hope Olevels to end so we can enjoy ourselves in JC. when we reach JC, we realize JC is not all about fun and hoped that Alevel will be over so that we could finally slack in NS, and when we reach NS, we cant wait for ORD so we can study again XD thats the repeated cycle of our life, or my life for now, the bottomline is without hope, we cannot survive. and its hope thats bringing me forward in NS life, hoping to pass out, hoping to ORD...hoping to be happy doing the things im suspose to do.

i believe happiness is a choice we have to make, whereas grieve and agony is the nature of the society. waking up at 5.30am and travelling 2 hours to work everyday made me experience the life of a working adult and a glimpse of the outside world, and im happy to be having this experience while doing what i like at work: teaching

i know i've just been dragging on and on without no focus or organization whatsoever, i shall end here, hope i will have more things to share with myself on this blog soon...until then...all the best to you =)

470 days to ORD....

26 days...

2009-08-30T03:05:00.003+08:00

i cant believe im typing on my long neglected blog again...haha probably roy was right about us wanting to blog but always procrastinated...so here i am at last =D

finally i can see the finish line, but like any long distance race, the final lap is always the toughest, where u are physically and mentally drained to the extend that u dun feel that moving on. And u see the finishing line, but no matter how hard u push urself, that line nvr seem to move closer to you...u can say thats the kind of feeling im getting now. on the brighter side, the sense of accomplishment after actually finishing the race is tremendous, if u ever did complete the race. so i hope i will press on, the next 3 weeks is not gng to be child's play...

actually as the day passes me by, i have alot of thoughts that i wanted to write into my blog, but at the end of the day when i actually sits down infront of the computer, all those thoughts kind of flew away. STM it might be =X but i guess im just too sian and tired of the things gng on around me, and i cant be bothered to say anything anymore. i guess its part of growing up that u learn how to shut up, despite how badly u wanna voice out. learning how to take whatever that is thrown to u, good or bad, and eat it all up, at the end of the day, whatever goes in must come out right? its just a matter of time, i just hope goodness and integrity will prevails at the end of it all.

just watched 2 very classical films recently, Forrest Gump and The Shawshank Redemption, both are timeless masterpieces and i have learnt alot about life thru watching them. Forrest Gump is a light hearted comedy reminding us that innocence and integrity is what we modern ppl terribly lacks. Shawshank Redemption painted a vivid picture of life behind the bars, through the stories of the inmates, we got to see life at a different light. i was almost moved to tears at several occasions during the film. one quote from the movie Shawshank i clearly remember: IN LIFE, WE EITHER GET BUSY LIVING, OR GET BUSY DYING. which one best depicts ur life? we have the choice to decide which option we want to take. for those who watched the films, my interpretation might not be comprehensive or just, but for those who havent watched, go check it out =D

after a wait of 3 years, david tao has finally answered my prayers and delivered his 6th studio album 69乐章! frankly, my first impression of the album was bad, i was =| for the whole time thru the 14 songs. but after 2 weeks of listening, i'm totallly loving it! its not ur conventional chinese commercial music we are bombarded with everyday, but instead a fusion of emotions, detailed arrangements and the love for music. i always felt that music of the west beats the east hands down, because they are more detailed in their arrangements and instruments, making every song in a studio album a masterpiece. whilst chinese music are filled with junk song written for the sake of writing. but david tao's Opus69 was surprising detailed and masterful, it boasts the kind of instrumental and arrangement expertise rare in chinese music industry. i understand that not everyone will be able to appreciate and agree with my thoughts about the album, but nvrtheless its one of the best album i've heard so far and i can safely say on behalf of all DT fans, that our 3 yr wait was worthwhile =)

DT's album has motivated to restart writing songs again, i have so many melodies flowing in my head all these while but no motivation to pen them down, but DT's songs has got me started again. hopefully after 26 days i will be able to revamp my studio and start writing my songs again. i miss my old life before NS, hasnt been able to go back to where i was, but im sure i will find them back asap =D

we can live life one way or another, get busy living or get busy dying, that basically summarise everything, and we obvious know which option to take. thanks for the enlightenment.

56 days to go...

2009-07-30T22:15:00.001+08:00

David Tao just released a single from his coming studio album 69乐章!! Finally something to brighten up the day xD check out taozhe.blogspot.com for the link to the song, simply said...I love it =) it's a very cheeky song about inspiring people to be their best, the song is Zero to Hero, I keep humming it during trng today xD

Good news aside...56 days more to go and I can pass out, but now my back pain is coming to haunt me =( it's always pain ESP when I slp, and affect my performance during trng. I want to get it check up but it's been a persistent problem so I am afraid of bad news=\ I hope I can endure this pain till I pass out...come on!

Still feeling sian, my mind is filled with problem and yet I hav to handle life in camp, really getting to my nerve...I hope this is the kind of mental trng I'm suspose to go thru in ns...cos I feel as each day passes, I'm getting more sian, tired and 无奈 =|

Tmr is yet another test to take, physical endurance kind of test...so need lots of rest, I dun mind trng hard, but sometimes somethings just want to spoil my mood...

I shan't rant on and on, I dun wan to sound naggy, hope u are doing fine in ur own way=) good night friends!

Week 16

2009-07-27T23:38:00.002+08:00

It's been a long time since I last wrote anything, 3 months to be exact...just because I could not find the energy and motivate to blog, dunno why also, but...

60 more days and I will pass out!! I can't wait, after 3 months of training I hav grew to become impatient xD

this week's program totally made me feel sian...I dunno I feel this sianess inside me since term 1 ended...hopes it will disappear soon ba

to my friends, long time to see, dun worry I'm fine because i have my loved ones around me to go thru these tough times =) I will try to blog more often in camp now just to get back to my habit of blogging, I think it's good for us to pen down ours thoughts, just for memory and keep our minds thinking

It's getting late, good night everyone! All the best=)

p.s mark down this date: 15 aug 2009 because David Tao is releasing his new album 69乐章!! I have waited 3 years for this day xD

into a new life...

2009-04-11T00:55:00.002+08:00

its almost THREE months since i last updated, quite sure i've lost the last reader of my neglected blog. since my last post, my life have been a roller coaster ride, from really busy days to extremely laid-back "rest-days", but i haven't got the mood to blog about anything. i think my brain is seriously not working properly these days, has been hibernating for too long XD

ok first thing first, have been teaching in xinmin since feb, and it has been a tiring but fulfilling experience. i guess im really lucky, to be able to work in a familar environment, interacting with people of my age and youngsters. overall it has been much fun, especially the first 3 weeks when i took over a teacher, i really enjoyed the process of planning lessons and teaching. even though its very tiring, it gives me a sense of satisfaction when my students understood what i was teaching. of cos there was dissapointments, when i saw how weak some students are, esp in their chinese. its not due to their knowledge, but their passion and motivation to study and push themselves to the limits. it was also painful to see how many great teachers i knew had left xinmin, and now those sitting on top are no longer familar faces, they are definitely as capable or maybe even more capable, but to me, i no longer feel as warm in xinmin as i used to be. my teaching career ended with homecoming day, where xinmin students got to enjoy themselves, i also felt good to leave the school in a festive note. but im quite sure i will be back after my NS, so wait for me=) thanks to everyone in school for making my short career meaningful, esp teachers of the chinese dept, science dept and ITO.

aside from teaching, most of my after-school hours were spent outside, enjoying company of friends and relatives, which also meant i never really rested, so my health these days are also deteoriating rapidly, but i guess it will be better soon, after i adapt to the routine life of NS.

enlisted on 7 april 2009 into Singapore Civil Defence Force (SCDF), alr spent 3 days at the basic rescue training centre. moving to civil defence academy for my emergency response specialist (ERS) next week. basically i feel blessed to have 3 other saints with me in my platoon and dorm, and the orientation week is finally over. next week i will move on to spec course, which is very physically challenging. i know im not very physically inclined, but i thought i want to gain something from my NS days and not waste my time away, so i decided to challenge myself. ultimately, i hope to push myself to my limits and improve my fitness level.

new life, new environment, new people, but i wanna have the same attitude i always had, not giving up easily and always believe in myself. i will never know where my true limit lies until i reach my limit. but of cos, its important to take care of myself and make sure i survive thru the trainings XD so the person up there, please bless me and keep me safe XD

all of my class guys would be in the army by next tuesday, i hope we will all take care of ourselves and make good use of these 2 yrs to fulfill something in our life. hereby i also hope the person up there to keep everyone safe and sound, and bless us with an eventful yet peaceful 2 years ahead.

botak alr, people say hair are like worries, without hair, means no worries XD i cant believe im alr in NS, and the future 2 yrs still look bleak, but i will press on and survive thru it, i will jump over this obstacle and go for what i truly want in life =D if other ppl can, why can't i?

lol trying to be positive, pardon me xP

the heart of life

2009-01-23T01:12:00.002+08:00

things has been moving rather slowly since i came back from china, and it kind of hard to get use to. normally at this time of the year, i will be wearing my uniform and going back to school, having fun with my peeps and knowing new juniors=D but my life is being turned upside down totally, i realized that i actually cant get used to doing nothing and stone XD its an irony of life, when u are busy, u desire to be free, and when im free, i desire to have something to do...it shows that we always need to strike a balance and not have too much of one.

i will contradict myself now: alot of things has happened since i came back, most noteworthy one will be the release of the olvl results. alot of juniors did below their expectations and are now feeling depressed and lost. Me myself also fell victim to the "post-olvl-blues" so i clearly understand how some of my juniors are feeling now.

thus i wanna talk about the "heart of life", inspired by John Mayer's song of the same title. i believe whether we are faced with setbacks in life, all we need is some form of reminder to put away the past and face the future bravely. John Mayer reminded me in this song that pain throws our hearts to the ground, but love can turn the whole thing around. Things dun always turn out as it should, but at the end of the day, i believe that the heart of life is good. everything happens for a reason, each event teaches us a lesson of life, and if we look out for them, we will be able to see a bright side in the darkness situations. especially when we are afraid to move on, always rememeber that fear is but a friend who is misunderstood by us. no matter what, i believe as long as your heart is good, the heart of life will be good to u as well, theres no obstacle too high to cross.

this applies to me as well. i dun expect year 2009 to be 100% smooth-sailing and trouble-free, so i hope this song will serve as a reminder to me and everyone else, that when times are bad, nvr gave up hope, if u are faced with setbacks, learn from it and move on bravely, be who you are and believe in yourself! =D

of cos i wanna congragulate everyone who has done well for their Olevels, never be self-satisfied and continue to strive for greater heights =D my alevels will be released soon as well and i hope everything to turn out well =) and finally happy chinese new year to you ^^

time to enjoy the masterpiece =)

The Heart of Life - John Mayer

I hate to see you cry
Lying there in that position
There's things you need to hear
So turn off your tears and listen

Pain throws you heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No, it won't all go the way, it should
But I know the heart of life is good

You know it's nothing new
Bad news never had good timing
Then the circle of your friends
Will defend the silver lining

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
Fear is a friend who's misunderstood
But I know the heart of life is good

I know it's good

the long overdue post

2008-12-19T00:49:00.006+08:00

i havent been blogging for a while, so sorry to my blog for neglecting XD i'll be back in singapore very soon and thought i should at least write something to briefing sum up the past year and talk about the year ahead, for memory sake X)

about A' Levels 2008
people say its the toughest exam in your life, and it ended in a flash. probably the most painstaking period was 2 weeks before the exam, where i know the need to study, but mentally sian-ed of studying totally. but im glad that i outlasted till the end after many help from friends and tutors. i dare not think about the results, but i did the best i could within the short duration, so like what mr tan ping hock said to me in sec 2, i did my part, and i will accept whatever results that is given to me. nevertheless i desire for something that reflects my effort, not that its very much XD maybe i will have more credibility to talk abt exams after i receive my results, becos all these are empty talks now. nevertheless i wanna thank a few people that made my academic year of 2008 a memorable experience. mr chua for being more lenient with my hair so that i can concentrate on my studies and not hairchecks XD mr lim who constantly tells us facts and figures and give his "predictions" to motivate us; mr koo for all the long hours of maths consultations that enlightened me deeply, esp b4 the As; mr randy for being the most encouraging and reassuring teacher i know in sajc, i know i havent been the most enthusiatic GP student, but thanks for being a good friend and mentor to me too=) not forgetting mr phang for making me see the "light" in physics and mr tay for giving me the courage to survive Alvl economic, i hope i do not dissapoint all of you=) and especially important, thanks to all my classmates who fought and lasted with me till the end. studying in JC is very different from secondary, classmates in JC provided me with a totally different kind of support and help. i might not miss sajc, but i will definitely miss the people here.

Post A' Levels

very tiring period, actually i self-declared end of exams after my econs paper 2 XD on 12 nov, 6 days before my last paper. have been going out every single day, meeting up with long lost friends. it was physically draining but mentally fulfilling to finally go out and happy since i imprison myself 6mths ago. but as the saying goes: 天下无不散之筵席, end of alevels also means many leaving going on, and changi airport suddenly became one of my frequently visited places. i think this happens to all scholar classes, esp after alvls, when we have to part ways to pursue brighter future ahead, all i can give my friends are my well wishes and encouragements, go all out to strive for ur dreams and dun leave any blanks in ur life! true friendship can outlast all obstacles, including distance and time, so im sure we will still look out for each other in future. i look forward to the next time our class reunites.

China Trip 2008/2009
this will be my last trip back home in the next 2 years, since im not allowed to leave in the SCDF. and this trip back to china has been the most memorable experience, firstly becos i got to travel with a friend, brother look aka hao ge. my last trip with a friend was 8 years ago, so this trip has been a very special experience for me. traveling with a friend in a city i've stayed in for 18 years made me feel like a total stranger, its like im embarking on a new journey, i got to experience many parts of my own city which i couldnt embark alone, like gng to the rural areas, climbing mountains and having fun with people of my age.

we also went to shenzhen to meet brother look's friend; brother liao aka long ge. it was again a new sensation for me, who was visiting shenzhen for the first time. but wat i learn most from this shenzhen trip is not abt the city itself, but rather the life of youths in this city, long ge brought us around his frequent hangouts and let us into his way of life, which was an eye opener for me, and i began to understand many things my parents used to tell me and learnt many valuable life lessons.

lastly hao ge and i went to hongkong, the first time i went to hongkong was last yr, i went alone, and this time i went with a friend, and the feeling was totally different. it was the same places, same timing, same weather, but theres so much more thrill and excitement. i think this hongkong trip has been more exciting for hao ge, who got to experience thrill beyond his imagination XD

i wanna thanks hao ge and long ge for making this possible, and fulfilling my dream of travelling with friends in an unfamilar, its not about the place, its about the thrill XD i hope theres more chances to travel with friends and more in the future =)

after hao ge went back to singapore, life returned back to normal, its me and my familar home. but theres something about the city of Xiamen that keeps me coming back every year, its beyond the relatives here, beyond the liberty i have here, beyond the amount of entertainment accessible here. even when i spend the entire day stoning at home, i still look forward to everyday. maybe its because i find peace here, a sense of peace that is absent in singapore. theres much less things to worry about back at home. even though i spent 7 days in Shanghai, i still love Xiamen more, it doesnt have the laid-back attitude of the rural areas, and it doesnt have the stress of the big cities, and has everything else u wanna find =) Xiamen has been advancing very fast, and though i cant bear to leave it for 2 years, im sure when im back in 2011, this will be even a better place to work, live and play.

about year 2008

at the start of the year, i dubbed this yr as "The Takeover", and i hoped to take over my life and get a grip again, i didnt dissapoint myself. i wanna thank the person up there for everything that happened this year, im very grateful for everything and everyone that has came into my life this year. i learnt that happiness comes with a healthy mindset and being true to outselves. in 2007, i thought i was being myself, but now i learnt that i lost myself then, and im very grateful to have found myself again in 2008, with the help of many. year 2008 i was blessed with many chances and opportunities to find myself and understand more about the society i live. academics aside, i got back my confidence on stage and fulfilled my dream of learning music and composing my own songs, this by itself made year 2008 a year to remember, what a fantastic ending one segment of my education life! =D

looking at year 2009

i dub this year as "The Interchange". this year, i will enter the NS, like changing line on the MRT, im moving from one identity to another, from one aspect of life to another, there will be alot of people at the interchange, and all i hope is a smooth transition and journey ahead. im glad to have this 2 years of rest from academics before my uni, for me to organize my thoughts and reconsider about my future paths. i will also make use of this year to do things i never had the time or courage to do, like composing better songs, learning the piano and going deep into guitar. i also want to spend more time with my loved ones with the abundent free time (hopefully) and enrich myself about my future career. all in all, i hope 2009 to be a peaceful year, with no big turbulences, i want to use this time to empower myself and strengthen relationships. and of cos, i hope things will peaceful for the people around me too. in a time of economic crisis, all we need is some calm to see the solutions.

so happy new year to u and as always, thank you for bearing with me until here. im abit rusty about writing since i havent blogged for a while. hope u will start off this year beautifully and remain happy for the the rest of the year ^^

life is but a dream...

2008-10-21T01:24:00.002+08:00

i shouldnt be blogging at this point of time, but i havent been writing for months and i thought for the sake of my GP, i shall attempt to start my brain spinning and reflect on the many thoughts piling up in my mind. i dunno if anyone still visits this place, but well there are pros and cons =) however i do hope you are a J1 or someone who isnt taking any exams lately.

hasnt been feeling very good as of late, both physically and mentally. lost my appetite since sunday and insomia is back at night. i really hope i dun fall ill at this moment, cos the last time i had insomia for 4 days and fell sick for 2 weeks *touchwood* and mentally i dun feel the zai-ness coming out of me yet, i know i should stop looking back at the past so often, but yea i can feel the zai-ness in me 2 weeks before my O's, but for the A's this time, i still seeking that zai-ness in me, that inner-peace and reassurance from myself that i can do. to do that i should stop blogging and continue on my work XD but yea the reasons are stated above =)

we live in such in busy and stressful society, we are made to feel that we must keep moving, cos if we slow down for one moment we will lag behind others. back in xinmin, i didnt really understand what it really meant, until now. i can see that from the way i study, i am getting more and more affected by how others study, what others are doing, and trying to follow suit, im getting influenced by this "if he/she did this practice paper, and i have to do it too in order to be on par" attitude in studies, which is unlikely of me. when i was younger and in a less competitive environment, studies to me was a personal thing, it was about following my feelings and studying when my mind feels like it, and i was mentally certain of the results i was going to get. but studying has become a pill so hard to swallow these days, i really wonder if the problem was in me, or is it with the environment. Like everyone else, all i can do is study to my max capacity and hope for the best, but besides that i have also been reviewing my studying productivity vs. duration, its about doing the most using the least time possible, only 9 days left.

i wanna talk about dreams. very unlikely topic to talk about when i only have 9 days left to either do or dream. most ppl will instantly, "stop dreaming! start doing!", this is the normal reaction in the modern society. but what is life? if, full of care, we have no time to stop and stare? dreaming is an important part of success and an important part of my life too (whatever that means) i do not like to do things without a plan, without a purpose and without a clear direction, and i mean specific work, not general ones like "study". but recently, i feel that i dream less and less, and my dreams are getting shorter and shorter, probably im becoming mentally challenged in the face of reality XD but whatever the reason is, i want to find back my courage to dream for greater things beyond the limitations of reality, becos "reality" is but a self-limiting barrier of our true potential, only when we dare to challenge the limits, we will know where the true limit lies.

david tao once said, and i agree, that love and dream are actually the same thing. when we are pursuing our dreams, we are actually having a relationship with ourselves, its a commitment to oneself to strive for desires, to achieve what we want. i true enough, when i see myself pursuing my dreams bravely, i will really love myself more, becos im doing what i can, and im not wasting my life away meaninglessly. i hope everyone will learn to love ourselves and pursue our dreams.

but life love to play tricks on me. i have two dreams currently, one obvious dream and another unintentionally arised dream. chances are hard to come by, and even harder when they come simultaneously. i really have no idea if i can juggle both dreams and achieve them at the same time, its either i undertake them both, or i drop one to pursue the other. im gonna get'em both=) some people feel that life is a complex number where there's no real solutions, other feel that its a summation to infinity where the solution is either neverending or zero. to me, life can take many forms, and i believe life can be a simultaneous equation, where the both results will be attained at the end of the equation.

nothing much has been going on in my life recently, if u are interested to know. sianz is seriously an understatement about my life now, which occasional drips of colour here and there=) but its part and parcel of JC2 life, im just glad everything will conclude in less than a mths time. currently i have composed 3 more songs and working on the details of them, since my second song i've decided to walk away from sad and emo songs, because that is not representative of my life at all. since last yr, i have already bid farewell to the sad songs of my life, and i am still seeking the happy song i desire, and i think i will not need to look far for it anymore =)

whoever you are, thank you for bearing with me until this point, hope that you are on ur way to achieving your dreams and aspirations. whoever is up there, this might be my last post before A's, wish me luck and grant me all the strength to survive through the race. to some people, the race is ending, to me, it has just started.

2008-10-16T03:34:00.002+08:00

那一瞬间...

你终於发现...
那曾深爱过的人...

早在告别的那天...
已消失在这个世界...

对于离别，我没有悲伤，只有庆幸和解脱，因为我觉悟了，去年的我早已在告别的那天，消失在这个世界....

新的梦想在前方，等着我！

my second song =)

2008-08-29T14:53:00.002+08:00

This song made it into the finals of the National Chinese Songwriting Competition. Thanks all who have supported me through this competition:
1)my guitar teacher, i will not have been able to writie music had i not learnt to play the guitar
2)伟菘老师,偲菘老师and石康军老师
3)teachers and staff of LWSSOM
4)everyone who came down to sajc to support me and those who supported me "spiritually", i can feel your presence! XD
5)friends i made through this competition, im glad to have known so many new friends with similar passion for music, you guys are great and i look forward to our next meeting=)

the competition has ended and it make the end of my music ventures for this year. now its the season for studying! my prelims will be very screwed up cos i've not been in touch with academics since BT2, but there's still 2 mths towards the Alvls and im sure i can do something about it. so i hope all those taking olvls and alvls all the best, including myself =P

here is the demo of my second song, A Place Without Us (没有我们的地方). i recorded this using my handphone as soon as i finished composing it, so it should be done somewhere around june this year ba. its the first and only demo i have (sorry i dun have the time and $$ to record this song in the studio yet), so its a bit raw and flaw-ful, so please pardon me. i think i will go into the studio to record it after my alvls ba =) meanwhile hope u dun mind this raw demo version, for those who came to hear the song live at sajc, u can evaluate how this song changed since the time it was first composed till the day at the finals =D
A Place Without Us (Demo) - Arnold Song
找寻一个没有你的地方
那是一个没忧愁的地方
想要找到一个没有我们的地方
把烦恼抛到一旁

想要找回来
生活的节拍
独自面对不同的未来

走走到一个没我的地方
再告诉我
爱情的芬芳
逃逃出这个有你的地方
让我看见
爱的模样

到了一个没有我们的地方
烦恼是否就烟消云散
世上是否真的存在着天堂
还是我们想得太简单

让我们都学会遗忘

so lastly thank all who have given me so much encouragement to pursue my interest in music, i will continue to work harder.

my first song=)

2008-07-19T00:05:00.002+08:00

This song didn't make it to the finals of the National Song Writing Competition.

Nevertheless, i love it, not only because it's the first song i wrote in my life...

also because it reflects some thoughts in my mind throughout last year.

its a product of my life experiences!

so im sharing it with u, hope u like it ^_^

原来爱(Actually, Love...)
Actually, Love... - Arnold Song

原来爱情没有小说里那么甜蜜

原来爱情是我猜不透的谜

其实我何尝不想大声说爱你

却无法说服自己

曾经我也疯狂爱过

曾经也迷失过自己

我不管别人会怎么说

我就是爱你

现在的我终于明白

爱情不是生命的唯一

我发现原来爱情

不值得珍惜

你给的爱情

却身不由己

不愿放弃

最后伤了自己

耽误的却是你

我们都是牺牲品

路太直，梦太弯。

2008-07-01T23:50:00.003+08:00

“你变成新加坡人了，只会直直的走，不会拐弯..."

我妈的好朋友如此形容她，被我无意听见，却发我深省。这句话拿来形容我妈不无道理，反而觉得十分贴切。我一直觉得自己是中国人，还常说我妈已经变成新加坡人，看不起中国人，可我发现自己已无意之间被同化了。

我们从小学开始背上书包，开始读书，到现在18岁了，到底为了什么呢? 我一直都在走别人的路，小学毕业，然后上中学，然后O水准，然后上初院，然后A水准, 然后上大学，毕业了，然后呢？有多少人能告诉我他们已确定自己的未来去向？我们一直麻木服从，目的地却越来越渺茫。可这并不是我们的错，而是社会影响了我们，我们活在一个充满外在期望，标准和程序化的社会，走出程序范围的人是不会被认同的。

其实我很羡慕我的一些朋友，十分清楚自己要的是什么，勇敢的冲出社会程序的束缚，勇敢追求自己的梦想。新加坡有很多这样的人，所以我觉得我妈朋友的说话以偏概全了，对新加坡人并不公平。可我却被她说中了，我的人生一直都是一条直线，从来没有弯曲过。

只会直走，不代表没有梦想，而是没付出，没条件付出。如果说上小学是一条直线，上中学是一条直线，上初院也是一条直线的话，那我生命的第三条的直线即将走完了，这也意味着我不能东摇西摆，必须踏踏实实地将这条直线走完。我意识到自己即将面对人生的又一个三岔口，命运的决定权又在我的手上了。当命运的遥控器在我们手上时，你会按下哪个按键呢？

不管怎样，将所剩的路途完美的走完是当务之急。所谓人生的弯道都是从直线开始的，不是吗？连直线都不会走，如何上得了弯道，还不会走如何可能飞？还有4个月，我就能翻开人生的新篇章，走我想走的路，发掘无数种可能。可现在的我们，可能还不适合弯路吧，所以我们必须努力进取，打好根基，为即将到来的挑战作好准备。

讲了这么一大段话，其实到头来我真的不知道自己在写些什么，可希望以后会明白吧。这一段时间过的好快，时间不知不觉地就从身边溜走，抓也抓不回来了。BT2又是一次非常好的演练，暴露了的无数弱点，却敲响了我的警钟。时间真的不多了，要做的事却越来越多，如果自己再不抓紧的话，未来的路就没有直路或弯路，只有死路一条。

最近我妈和弟弟刚刚从中国回来，日常生活终于恢复平常，老妈不在的一个月里，真的尝到了一个人生活的酸甜苦辣，虽然自由，却不自在，虽然无拘，却很无聊。这次听说老爸生意有了起色，又买了新车，也让我感到欣慰。可让我最感动的莫过于老爸送我的dunhill笔，和爷爷为我和弟弟题的字，我看到了家人对我的期望，让我意识到我不止在为我自己努力，而是为了全家在努力，因为乡亲父老们都在看着我，因此我更不能让他们失望，也不能让自己失望。

未来的四个月，未来的每一天，爷爷的给我的字将是我生活的宗旨：

书山有路勤为径，学海无涯苦作舟。

宝剑锋从磨砺出，梅花香自苦寒来。

其实这两句话我从小听到大了，爷爷奶奶和爸爸已经不知道重复了多少遍，可如今这两句话对我来说前所未有的重要，感动归感动，希望我真的听进去了。

人们常说，失去了，才会懂得珍惜。我已经失去过了，现在我要学会如何珍惜。

realizing a dream, affirming a passion...

2008-06-11T23:48:00.003+08:00

if u had been wondering where i've been since my last post a mth ago...

I WAS AT LEEWEISONG SCHOOL OF MUSIC!

and my last lesson regretfully ended on monday, but it has really mean a great experience, and a dream come true for me. i learnt how to pen down the melodies that were flowing in my mind, play the keyboard, and share the love of music with other classmates(not all of them were available for the photo-shoot that day) i also got to know many musically talented individuals and learn a trick or two from them, especially our teacher Banniang Laoshi. LWSSOM is really made me feel very homely, like an eden for music lovers to make and enjoy music, we can even sing KTV for free for as long as we like in their singing room=D not to mention the professionalism and effort put in by our teacher and the staffs. if you are looking for a place where u can learn music and enjoy the process, LWSSOM is definitely one of the best choice.

did i mention about 大风吹? if u watch the upcoming SUPERBAND, they are one of the top16, and 3 out of 5 band members are instructors and staff from LWSSOM, Chenliang, Hideaki and Estella. i personally know chenliang and hideaki and they have helped me alot during my stay at LWSSOM, and trust me, they are GREAT. so do look out for them and 大风吹 in SUPERBAND!

right down i've composed 2 songs in preparation for july's SAJC songwriting comp, but the rules said that the songs i submit cannot be released to the public, so i cant share it with u right now=) today i stepped into the recording studio for the first time in my life, to record my first ever self-composed song, it was really a dream come true when i heard my own voice come out of the studio, im so excited to hear the end product. im very grateful that both banniang laoshi and chenliang came into the studio and guide me through the singing. but there was a major setback, i cant sing properly due to flu, so recording was incomplete today and had to be done when i recover my voice. despite my shitty voice today, the studio assistant yanxi was very patient with me, chenliang also gave me alot of valuable comments, not forgetting banniang laoshi's encouragements. even though i couldnt finish my song as planned, i will make sure the next recording is much improved, so please make my voice come back asap!

so even though my lessons with LWSSOM has ended, i will still very much be back for recording and consultations with newly composed songs in the future. its was in LWSSOM that i took one more giant step into music, being able to pen down my thoughts through songs is definitely a skill which i will constantly be using. i am also affirmed that music is definitely one of the places my passion lies.

talking about music, these past 2 weeks has been full of excitement and surprises for me, after a serious "drought" in the music industry this year, 3 new albums released last 2 weeks brought along the long-awaiting rain, and i have to recommend them to you.

1: 卢广仲《100种生活》

yes i know i know...whats wrong with this guy's hair and outfit? but dun let his appearance fool you, this guy is no push-over. i rank his album the best this year up till now, simply becos i love his genre of music, r&b and jazz. he has a very unique style and ability to make simple songs marvelous, just listen and u will understand, i believe all guitar players will greatly appreciate this newcomer into the music industry, the future is bright for him!

2:萧闳仁《首张创作专辑》

now this guy look more normal XD but like 卢广仲, 萧闳仁 is also a new singer/composer with a very unique taste in music. many of his songs are mixed genre and mixed language, like his first song which combine 4 languages...lol but he is really 够吊! even jay chou want to direct MTV for him, what more do i have to say? check him out!

3:林宥嘉《神秘嘉宾》

this is one of the most anticipated 新人 this year, and his album is also one of the most awaited, and he has not failed his fans. however, this is not a pop album, i think the genre will not be widely accepted, but to us yoga fans, he has succeeded in bringing forth his ideas. the music industry is plagued with monotonous music and we need people like yoga to bring in more variety. his unique voice is still unbeatable, even though u might not know him, but im sure u've heard his songs unknowingly while out in town.

of cos there's many fantastic albums recently, but i cant introduce all of them, but these 3 albums are the more unique albums which appeals to my ears so i am sharing them with u=)

more than half of the holidays are over and i'm still constantly occupied with other commitments, its time to put down other stuff and concentrate on revision. this weekend is FAMINE CAMP 2008! which means one weekend is over for me, after the camp is full gear revision...haiz im back doing last minute studying again, but it has always been my style!! haha i know its bad, but bo bian...so wish me luck! and wish you luck too (you should be revising for some major exam or test too right??^^)

Dear God...

2008-05-16T23:23:00.005+08:00

this is what i feel every evening this week:

刚刚看完六点半的新闻

那悲剧又重演
有个妈妈拿着儿子的照片
期盼他会出现
看不下那画面fjs
我转过头却开始流泪
是惩罚是考验
还要有多少的心碎
爱爱在这个世界上爱已被忘记
谁都不相信谁都不相信
相信爱哎哎
真理和公平都变成了笑话
我不愿意住在这样的城市里
话题都围绕在腥色暴力
有八卦没想法
计算逃避人人都在玩游戏
没有钱没人理你
我心里很愤怒
只能冷酷让自己麻木
拿生命做赌注
这些疯狂还要多久
爱爱在这个世界上有没有意义
没有人在乎没有人在乎
没有爱哎哎
我真的很想要开口骂脏话
不是我的错不是我的错
别怪我 dear god
为什么你闭上眼不想想办法
装做看不见装做看不见
告诉我哎哎
告诉我把爱找回来的方法
因为我无法离开这个鬼地方
它还是我的家
刚刚看完远方传来的消息
像恶梦在继续
给点力量让自己能活下去
dear god
你在哪里

--David Tao "Dear God"

This post is delicated to the victims of the Myanmar cyclone and China earthquake, dead, injured or alive, u have my blessings.

just watched finished the 6.30 news...in the past, when i return home, i just put my bag down, bathed and eat. but this week is quite different. the TV is always switched on whenever i get home, and the newschannel will broadcast the latest news about the china's earthquake 24/7, watching how my fellow countrymen are suffering, how hard the rescue team are trying to save the victims still buried in the soil, how my prime minister came down personally to the scene and encourage the masses... and see how many students like you and i, are buried alive when they should be happy studying in their classrooms, their school has turned into their graveyard. Tears roll in my eyes when i hear my prime minister wen jiabao speak through the loud hailer, its a mixed emotions of pity for the deceased and touched by the actions of my fellow countrymen.

sometimes i feel that we have brought it upon ourselves. just recall how many natural disasters have happened in the past few years, compared to the number of natural disasters that happened in the past century. hurricane katrina, tsunami, floods, droughts, cyclones, and now earthquakes etc. to me, these are signs and warning that mother Earth have given us. telling us that she's sick, but what did we do? we continue to damage her with carbon emission and pollution. if we continue on like this, i dun think we are far from doomsday. many of us only see the effect, and do little to identify the cause, we dwell only when the harm has been made, and very often our efforts are too little and too late.

i think the chinese government has done a good job in solving the aftermath of the earthquake, in a mature and responsible manner. even though the death toll is super high and going even higher, i believe my countrymen are trying their best, im also very very touched by all those ppl who have contributed to the operation financially, taiwan, singapore, japan etc. and ppl like yaoming, jay chou and the rich men. it shows how much love we actually have in this seemingly cold society. but when we look back, if we really love the people around us, if we really love mother earth, if we really love ourselves, why are we continuing our bad habits and damage the Earth, which is our only platform of survival? i dunno if earthquakes have a direct link with pollution, but i do believe more strange and powerful natural disasters are coming our way if we do not do anything immediately. so let's tell ourselves to bring out our love for the human race, and raise environment awareness, it starts with every individual.

its funny to think about it, we people living in the urban parts of the world are the top contributors to pollution and greenhouse gases, but when disaster strikes, who pay the price? its those poor people living in the rural area! they use little electricity, they produce less waste than us, they live in the most conventional way which does little harm to the environment, yet they are the ones affected everytime there's a flood, drought or earthquake.i really pity those pity still trapped in sichuan, bcos the area they live in is so remote that there's only one route available, which is blocked right now, i dun think they realize the problem of pollution much, bcos they are not the pollutants. its just like how inequality is unsolvable in this world, when there's one rich person, there will be 10 poor people, and when one of us pollutes the environment, tens and thousands in the developing countries and rural areas pay the price for us. so i urge everyone, the next time you want to switch on the air-con, or dump unwanted waste by the roadside or in the longkang, think about how it will affect others and our environment.

there will be doubts about the direct link between natural disasters and environmental degradation, but i do believe our mother Earth is seriously sick, and more disasters will come if the situation worsens. the good thing is more and more people are environmentally awared nowadays, so theres alot of hope. lastly i just hope more people to be rescued in China and Myanmar, and that the dead will rest in peace, and those alive will learn to cherish our life and live to the fullest.

good, and good enough

2008-04-12T22:58:00.003+08:00

probably the most significant event that took place the past week is the release of our PW results, and it hasnt been a very pleasant event for me, at least.

seriously, i had almost forgotten that i took PW la, after such a long lag time between the last time i saw my WR till last friday, it has been almost 4 months le ba. PW has long been left in my brain's recycle bin since last yr, and it sounded strange when my frend actually told me that friday was PW day, then i suddenly realized, "O theres PW results awaiting to be known!"

there was no lesson mood at all from everyone in the class, and when mrs lee announced our cohort performance this yr, the whole school applauded and cheered, bcos we improved alot from last yr. last yr theres only 6 ppl who got A amongst the whole cohort, and this yr, 109 ppl got A. and last yr 75% of the cohort got ABC, this yr, 60% of the cohort got As and Bs, so is that some achievement worth celebrating?? we were all high on our morales, until we got into class, and until we received the stats from other JCs. just when we thought 15% A was good, other colleges are having 98% A, 87% A, and 75% As, just to mention a few, and seeing all my frends from other colleges getting As, put me in a dilemma of whether i should be happy for them? or sad for myself?

for my class, we did not do as well as we should do, and i can feel the sorrow of every single soul in that very classroom. and then popped out from my CT's mouth, "im really disappointed la...", i think it really made alot of ppl in the class even sadder. but it brought forth to me yet another phenomenon of life: perspectives. sometimes when we view things from our own perspectives, we come up with conclusions totally different from other ppl, simply because we had different amound of information regarding the issue, and we see things at different angles. when my CT feels disappoint, and when he said that," i think the results truly reflects the amount of effort put in by individuals...", i assume he feels that we have not done what we ought to do, and we have no put in enough effort to deserve an A. but from our point of view? those ppl who feel sad, they might feel that they've put in all their effort and the results was just unfair to them. whatever the truth might be, we will nvr know who is right and who is wrong, but the moral of the story is: always respect other ppl's opinions, even though it changed, so its time to forget about past grudges and grieves, and move on to the more impt might oppose yours, that will make this world a much more peaceful to live in. since the results are out, it cannot be challenges ahead. dwelling on the question of right and wrong will not bring the class anywhere further.

for sajc, i think our results were good already, its just that it wasnt good enough to set us atop other colleges. this problem of good and good enough is ever evident in today's competitive society, everywhere can be an invisible battleground. when we work hard for something, its no longer about working to improve urself, but working to win over others, we do not set our own targets anymore, others set them for us, and we're forever trapped in this spiral of working to the top and being overtaken, if u know what i mean. i think what mr phang said to me was very true, what results we get for alvls is not impt, whats more impt is how others did compared to u, u can still be the top student with BCD if other ppl are all getting S and Us...lol this is very troubling, bcos arent exams suspose to test how good we are, and not whether we are good enough? the present gauge of standard uses a bell curve to decide our grades, and u can get A even though u scored only 50%, bcos others are all failing. this means our grades does not truly reflect how good we are, but how good we are compared to ppl of our age, but in this society, we're not only interacting with ppl of our age, what about the others? its very much about luck these days, what subj u take, who u taking it with, and not that much about how good u really are, and whether u really score 70% or above. furthermore, this society and this system we have just doesnt allow ppl to be equal, the good must be the minority on the bell curve, even though everyone scores 90% and above, there is bond to be differentiation in the grade awarded, studying for me for the past years hasnt been to truly increase my knowledge, but to tackle exams, and win over others, and this feeling isnt good.

so even though sajc's PW result is still rocking the bottom, it doesnt mean we're not good, its just that others are better, and maybe a better system? i just hope all the saints out there who are still emoing over our PW results will get through it soon and get a grip, the journey ahead will be even tougher, but i believe all of us will get through it as long as we have the right mentality. looking on the bright side, SAJC is really improving, from last yr to this yr, and i hope this batch of ours will have a breakthrough, i can see the efforts put in by the school authorities to improve our results, and i can see that most ppl around me are all geared up. that leaves me out of the norm...haha its time for me to pack up and set on this journey together with the rest, and may we meet in front of the gates of success.

thank you for bearing with me until this point=D haha whether u are on the same boat as me or not, i wish for all the best in whatever challenges that lies ahead of you.

it's not ending...

2008-04-03T20:36:00.004+08:00

wednesday marked the end of an important chapter of my life, it ended when sajc table tennis was lost to hwa chong institution by a score of 1-4, it signals the end of my table tennis career, a short but fulfilling one ba i suspose...

its was not our year, bcos we didnt even qualify for the second round, which we usually will, largely because of our draw...we ended up in the same group as HCI and NJC, both were tt powerhouses, and to qualify for the next round, we had to beat one of them, of cos which, didnt happen. I could feel the pain in my teammates due to this great setback, but we cannot change what has past, now is the time to accept fate and regroup, reflect and recollect. i'm quite certain next yr will be better. looking on the bright side, our girls team are still in the competition, and they do possess the ability to fight into the top4, so we guys should give them our fullest support en route to the future competition, it's not over for sajc yet.

on a more personal level, im very glad to finally have a chance to play for the team this year, after a forgettable one-match season last yr, i just feel lucky to be able to be actively involved in the matches this yr, even though im quite disappointed with my performances. even though i won my match against TPJC, i lose my most anticipated match against NJC, and finally lost again to HCI, im not sure if i could've won either NJC or HCI, but i am sure i could've put on a much better fight. my skills have deproved since i came back from china, and both my skills and mentality have not been matured enough, there's still a long way i have to go for table tennis. i just want to apologise to my team, u guys trusted me, but i failed u guys, and i failed myself too.

on a lighter note, i feel very blessed to have ended my career with a worthy opponent and friend, my secondary school XiangSheng partner Ma Long. one day b4 the match i was already telling royston that i hope to meet malong, it will be the best match ever, and to my pleasure, he was playing against me for the last singles. our moral was super high when yingjie won the first match, which placed us 1-0 atop HCI, but after close losts by our second doubles and second singles, i think it really dampened our moral, but i still couldnt contain the excitement to play with malong, the best player in HCI and one of my best PRC friend. As i wished, both of us did not gave each other any leeway, we played the best our mental and skills could bring us, but i was still the more immature player, even though i finally lost 3-0, im still very happy to compete with him fairly and been able to give him some pressure. after the match, malong whispered to me while we shook hands, "你已经进步很多了!" and that is all i ever wanted to hear, really...an achnoknowledge from a respectable friend of mine, win and lose didnt seem important anymore at that moment. i've really totally enjoyed the game, and the season. thank you satt for giving me this chance, im really grateful.

for the team, i just hope that the guys do not let our low morale affect the girls, and we should continue to encourage and support them for the remaining competition. just my own opinions, i feel we also should not blame our failure this yr entirely to fate, there were factors which we could control, but we didn't handle them properly. to me, i believe that there's a difference between a person in-charge and a leader. a person in-charge will administer the team's business, decide training timings, inform players about trainings and execute basic team activities like PTs. but a leader of a team have a vision for the future, he has a set of plan ready to be executed to push the team to greater heights, he has to be able to inspire the players' attitude towards training, their discipline, mentality and ultimately bond the team with a common goal in mind, and lastly he has to be rational and daring to stand up for the team and make the player's voices heard by higher authority. from my observation, satt has people-in-charge, but theres a lack of people with leadership qualities i mentioned above, and that is a major factor why we suffered such a big lost this yr. at least on the surface, our team's discipline is loose, we give up easily, we lack the determination, maybe not everyone is like that, but as a team, when one teammate is slack, the whole team is slack, i believe all for one and one for all.

yingjie or any of my teammates, i dunno if you will be reading this, but i hope you guys do not get angry by my opinions of the team, i am just voicing out what i truly feels, there has been so many problems in the team which i've seen in these 2 years, but i am in no position to do anything about it, it's troubling to me, but soon i will be leaving the school and the team, all i wish is for the team to soar even higher. to yingjie, if you feel that you can take up the post as captain next yr, which i think you can, i really hope u can evaluate my opinion and make the team better, do not be the person in-charge, but be a leader who people look up to. i have not been in any teams b4, satt is my first team, i dunno how is things done back in marist or peiqun, but i dont believe that anything can be accomplished without serious hardwork and determination, our team really needs to instill more discipline and systematic training approaches, and that requires a firm and serious leader, and this culture needs time to cultivate. we will not get good players like you or pakata every year, how do we stay atop? i think team nyjc 2007 was a good example and role model for us, their discipline, their systematic approach, their player's mentality, allowed them to succeed. all in all, i hope you guys continue to chose your leaders intelligently and keep up with the right mentality, of cos it'll be important that coaches continue to push the players even further.

i can see the fire in the eyes of every player in satt when we are in the midst of a game, why cant we use the same passion and determination on our everyday life?

satt is my first table tennis team, and im really glad to be able to be part of it, even if i had to sit on the bench this entire 2 years, i will still find it worthwhile, to be able to know so many friends with similar passion, and to be exposed to many new things, im more than glad to have spent 2 years of my life with satt, thank you guys!

there's still many things i need to learn, both in life and in table tennis. even though my table tennis career has ended, but im sure it will be restarted soon, and rest assured that i will not stop training and improving myself, i will make sure by the next time i play with you guys again, you will be able to see my improvement, and i hope to see satt improving in the near future. for now its time to seal my racket and pick up my pen and paper, there's another thing which i need to prove my worth in.

there's many things worth anticipating in the coming weeks, especially DT's concert which i cant wait already. following the end of my season, CCA is also almost over for me, these 2 weeks has been very tired and shagged, i'll take this coming weekend of rest myself and prepare myself for the weeks to come.

all the best everyone! esp to satt girls, you all have my support always=)

this is just my random thoughts after a movie, proceed on reading with cautions of confusing languages:

2008-03-21T01:46:00.003+08:00

just watched the movie Sicko by michael moore moments ago, and my brains cant stop spinning and filling with questions about the society i've been exposed to for 18 years.

this films started by talking about the healthcare insurance policy in America, these insurance companies are solely profit-driven, thus meaning if less people claim money from the insurance, the company will have more surplus, thus doctors in the US have a top priority of denying payment of treatment to insurance holders, doctors will even get promoted for denying an insurance, and the insurance companies actually hire ppl just to find reasons to deny ppl their payment. and what happens at the end of the day? countless ppl who are seriously needing healthcare are denied from it bcos they cannot pay for it, not without their insurance...which was denied due to many outrageous reasons.

US healthcare policy was based on "leave no man behind", but what these private policy-running healthcare companies are doing is trying to maximising their profits, and at the end of the day many ppl DIED bcos they did not receive immediate medical attention, just bcos THEY CANT PAY!

and what is happening in other parts of the western world? in canada, in france, in britain, even in CUBA...yes CUBA, the susposely "demonic communist country" in our minds, ppl there believed in free healthcare for everyone, and they do not mind getting their income drained by taxes, they believe the abled ppl should help the less abled, and it will come a time in their life, where they needed medical attention too. even if u are not a citizen in canada, or britain, or cuba, or even if u are not working and NVR paid tax, you will not be denied medical treatment in these countries, as shown in the movie, it will left me speechless.

and whats more shocking is that while medical service can nvr be free to any american citizen, theres one group of ppl in USA that are getting free healthcare, the terrorist from Al-Qaeda who are detained in USA! What is going on?

i rmb back in my sec sch days, SS used to teach me abt the bad effects of British Welfare System, countless negative effects, it left me an impression that the British policy was dumb, and the high amt of taxes must have lowered the standard of living in britain, but NO. The movie shown us the average household in britain, owning a condo, 2 cars, and having vacations. whats more amazing, in france, doctors come to ur house when u call, nannies come and help u do housework when u are a first-time mother, teens get to go college.....all these things...for FREE! no charge at ALL! why are we not told of all these "miracles" that are happening in the other side of this world?

many of u guys wanna by doctors, what kind of doctor u wanna be? in the US, doctors get promoted for denying payments, doctors dun treat patients who cant pay, and even leave patients by the roadside. in France, doctors are paid by the government, his salary increases with the number of patients he successfully treated well, and he owns an Audi, a bungalow and a decent life up to ur imagination.

the life expectancy in USA is even lower than Cuba, not to say france, canada and britain. when ppl build the best cars, we drive it. they brew the best wine, we drink it. why cant we adopt their healthcare policy when it has proven to be beneficial to humanity?

yes it is true the kind of high-end lifestyle is almost unexistence in france or britain, but they are happy with their lifes, they live a life without worries, they dun have to pay for their healthcare, they are being looked aftered by the government, they can take leave with salary at least one mth per yr etc....even though their economy on the whole is not doing as well as US, their average lifestyle is much more carefree and that gives them more time to enjoy life and family time.

i really wonder, if im sick right now, and i needed medical help, but i cant pay, will singapore doctors treat me? or ask me to pay first? i rmb when i was very young, my father was hospitalized, and even b4 he was sent on his bed, the nurse passed him a form to pay the bill thru CPF...in singapore, we are left on our own, our pursuit for economic success has caused a chain effect that led to the highly competitive environment we live in, just like in the US, u have to be the top 1% to enjoy good life, while the rest of the 99% suffer to some extent, thats why everyone is fighting to be number one, bcos we dun have free healthcare, bcos we dun get free education, we dun get free nannies, the government basically runs entirely meritocraticly.

im not critising our government, but im questioning about the environment which i grew up. what if i was born in france or britain? now i understand why jingnan wanted to immigrate to canada, bcos life is so less complex there! we dun have to strive to be the best bcos even if we remain average, we can still lead a comfortable life. i dun have to fear failing exams, being judged by my results, studying for the sake of the unknown future like a zombie, spending all the time doing maybe useless stuff, i could be enjoying time with my family, gng around the world and understand new cultures, and if i had did that, i'll probably not be awed by the britain healthcare system only today, bcos the SS textbook said it was a bad policy. I HAVE TO SAY IT IS, IF NOT I WILL NOT GET A1...but..why?

why cant singapore have free healthcare? its just like sending soldiers on the battlefield to kill, we feed them, we provide for them, its just like our NS man, the government pay them, give them place to live, food, everything etc. why cant we hire a group of ppl to provide the service everyone will need in their life? not every country will have war, BUT EVERY COUNTRY HAVE SICK PEOPLE!! WHERE??? WHERE?? WHERE HAVE WE PLACED OUR VALUES ON?? MONEY?? WAR??

im really sick and tired of forcifully tell myself every single day, that money is the utmost important aspect in my life, no matter how u argue, it still comes down to money. and i must tell myself everyday that i must study, not that i like it, but this society requires me to. and i must tell them to be the best, if not i will end up the worst. for 18 years, i thought this was the Truth in our world, but i realized in some parts of this world, this theory might not be true. and u and me are living in a singapore/US-driven society led by this interesting theory called Economies.

thought this movie might not be entirely true, it really opened up my eyes, and i will visit canada, britain and france in the near future, and testify this issue, and feel their way of life. i dunno if what i wrote made any sense to u, if it dun, plz forgive me, i just want to pen down my immediate thoughts after watching this fantastic movie from the ever-fantastic michael moore.

please do watch Sicko for urself, u will be able to feel wat im trying to say even more, its definitely an eye opener for me...

the future is NOW

2008-03-14T01:01:00.004+08:00

there were times...when i felt that the road ahead was too long for me to last through
there were times...when i felt there was too much to do and too little time to do it
there were times...when i felt that i do not have the capacity
there were times...when i felt everyone in this world was in doubt with me
there were times...when i felt bad about where i am and who i was
there were times...when i felt like giving it up
there were times...when i felt i couldn't

those were the times, but now is not the time to feel the way i felt...

now is the time, to believe in myself once again
now is the time, to brave the obstacles and stay strong
now is the time, to truly put in effort and do myself a favor
now is the time, to ignore those who doubt me and work hard to shut their mouths
now is the time, to do somethings i haven't done for a long long time
now is the time, to see the whole picture

now, i see hope
now, i solidified my vision
now, i anticipate the future
the future starts now

its the TIME TO BE
我的未来不是梦
一分耕耘，一分收获
不经历风雨，怎么见彩虹？

i know i havent been doing enough, and i know the roads ahead of me will not be easy, but i need to get over these few huge humps in these few weeks, only after that, i will be able to get back on track.
i dun wanna repeat what i said back in sec 4 days, i am gng to do the same things with the same objectives, just
wish me luck

whoever that is up there
bless every single soul who is on the same boat as me

It wouldnt be soon before long...

2008-02-29T22:51:00.002+08:00

YOZ everyone! after one month of absence from the blogging scene, IM BACK! hehe i hope i didnt lose all the readers, cos normally if u check up a blog more than 3 times and the blogger still doesnt update, you will tend to check it out less and less often...but even though readers are impt, the blog, ultimately is for me to reflect and place my distorted thoughts, so it doesnt matter if anyone bothers to read it right? but thanks a million to you who read till here, this blog is more colourful thanks to you=D

Before i start, i want to delicate this song to my brother, royston. i really dunno its mere coincidence or we really always have the same bandwidth, in his recent emo post in his blog, he talked about this particular song, which he said "made him thought about his secondary school days", i wonder what aspects of secondary school days huh?? lol but thats not the point, the point is this very song is also very special to me, its one of my KTV favourite this year and im totally digging it. i didnt tell royston about this song before, but we noticed it simultaneously without any pre-plan, talk about 默契! yea so bro if you're reading this, i hope my voice will make ur secondary school memories even clearer?? lol but seriously this song is very tough and i still couldnt totally master it, so its entirely imperfect, but its the thoughts that count right?? haha so do check it out, 我爱的人.

so why did i absent myself from blogging for so long? frankly, i also dunno. actually one month is not really a long time, back in my sec 4 days, i also blog once every 4 weeks, where i will summaries the month's events. time past fast then, and how true it is even now. This past one month had been hectic for me, only a few days where i could really relax myself, and now im looking forward to sat and sun even more desperately, cos the pace of work is really un-tahan-able. As soon as CNY holidays ended, i did not had any break, its constantly being put under pressure of overdue assignments, tests and school activities. At the end of each day, im totally physically and mentally drained that i couldnt embark on any learning at home, this is dangerous cos the knowledge gap between me and the rest of the school is widening by the day. some times even when it comes to weekends, im so mentally tired that merely staring at the comp gives my headache, and when i got the mood to blog, im always restricted by the undone work, so thats why i baned myself from blogger during these period.

so im blogging right now, does that mean my work is done and im free? NOPE, still got countless work like maths assignments and physic tests, plus i got my SLAB stuff to settle. but im confident about finishing them by monday, and i dun feel like cracking my brain today, so tada! here i am typing on the keyboard. It wouldnt be soon before long, and before i even realize it, A levels will be round the corner, my failure during O levels tells me that i cannot afford to fail myself for Alevels, i must value-add myself and prove my worth, this has become ever so important to me. i know i cant count on my school and i cant count on the teachers, im not in xinmin, so i need to depend on my own and work my way out. MSA was a clear indication of my weakness and major area of improvement, im not sure how i will do for BT1, but my top priority now is to be systematic and make sure i peak at the correct time.

last weekend i went for a competition at NUS, and met my junior from china, Dianhua, currently studying at HCI, after my conversation with him, i came to a realization about my failure last yr. ok i know i've grumbling about being reject by NJC for donkey months liao, but until now i finally am able to clearly understand the own situation. I realize sometimes when we are too confident about ourselves, we tend to forget to pave an alternate route for us, and when we fail, we are unwilling to embark on the alternate path. in another words, i understand that i should never let success blind me, and never let failure stop me. when i got my olvl results, i was so confident about my prospects and didnt gave a second thought to alternative destinations, i was so sure about i am heading and didnt thought about," what if i dun get what i want?" i was blinded by my so-called "success", when the posting results came out, i was totally devastated, and didnt want to move on, i chose to dwell in the valley of agony, and in turn made many mistakes, and lost many impt things in my life, i've let failure stopped me from moving on. so now im not gng to let the sad fact abt being a pathetic saint stop me from achieving what i ought to, if the NJcians can do it, i can do better. and when i finally reach my target, i will learn to take a step back and make a well thought-off decision.

i know all of my juniors faced an impt juncture of their lives these past few weeks, following the release of their posting results, the same philosophy applies, those who achieve great things, do not be blinded and understand that there's many more challenges facing you, and life is not always smooth sailing. and esp to those who suffered similar fate as me, dun dwell agony, seek that alternate path and move on. everyone will face setbacks and challenges at some point of their lives, its just a matter of earlier or later, be glad that we get to experience failure at a young age, so that we have ample time to reflect and avoid making the same mistakes, it might be a blessing in disguise that benefits us in the long run. So to my beloved juniors, i think i've tried my best to provide my 2 cents worth of advice and help, to those who did not end up where they envisioned to be, dun fret, bcos success always comes after a failure. and to those who got to where they want, press on, more challenges lies ahead and always remember help is always round the corner, you just need to seek them out. XINMIN ROX! X=Q FOREVER!

xinmin's student leader alumni board, or SLAB, was officially set up last friday, with desmond as president, hongyou the VP and sean the secretary. the board consisted of past school leaders from my batch and my junior batch, and now i finally understand how the founding members envisioned the SLAB to be. we're gng to organize termly leadership workshops for present student leaders and two major holiday training camps as well. current im incharge of designing our board shirt and preparing for lectures to be given during the june camps. now im beginning to see more and more things which doesnt seem right in the board, and im talking about the SLAB, its the many problems which ppl have complained to us during our era, but we didnt see it as anything constructive, but now all those complains seem more and more true, and i thought this might be the reason why the board is getting weaker and weaker year and year. But im yet to solidify my observation in order to make any changes, so for now i'll just move on together with the rest and see how things goes. no matter what, im just happy to be part of an organization that contributes back to my alma mater, its good to know that im still keeping close connection with the place that used to be my second home.

its been a full month since i last went out for any form of outing! can u believe it? how has life become like this man...lol i hope this trend doesnt last any longer. but all the work we put in now is more the ultimate test at the end of this year. all the tests assignments we did from P1 until JC2, come downs to this exam called Alvl, after this hurdle i will be able to put down those books for 2 years and pick up the guns and weights...lol i know everyone in JCs are facing this same things, and we will make it to the end, lets work hard together and enjoy the sweet fruits of success!

ok with that i will round off this post. i dunno when will i get the mood and time and blog again, but so many things are happening in my life now that my mind cant even organize them properly to put them in the blog, but nevertheless thanks for being with me till now, and do check back soon =D

a few fortunate events...

2008-02-01T23:29:00.000+08:00

ok...firstly i wanna intro all of u to a fab site i've discovered today! visit http://www.wretch.cc/blog/freshmusic
for the lastest updates and reviews about the music industry! i actually got to know this site from MyPaper, which i read every morning. i nvr need to worry about missing out the good music out there anymore, and their critics are really of high GI and AE, definitely an EE, so do check this blog out music enthusiast!

so...its time for some brilliant good news to brighten up the day! on 31/1 afternoon, i received an unexpected sms from royston, just to get the most fab news i heard this year: DAVID TAO IS FINALLY COMING TO SINGAPORE ON 19 APRIL FOR HIS WORLD TOUR!! 100% YAYness=DDDDDDDD not forgetting...THANKS BRO FOR INFORMING ME AND HELPING ME BOOK THE TICKETS!!
one of my regrets for the past 17 years is not able to watch David Tao's concert, LIVE! i think i've listened to every song of his infinite time, i also watched the DVD of his past 3 concerts, and just that, im already fully mesmerized and enchanted by his songs and rendition, i really cannot imagine how i will react if im there personally, watching it LIVE~!! im counting to 19 april liao, where i can meet my most respected and beloved singer, the singer whose songs changed my life, whose song healed my broken heart, and whose songs gave me the power and will to go on with life. so as long as music plays an important in ur life, david tao is definitely worth listening, and dun hesitate to purchase the tickets priced at 168,148,118,98 and 78 only!! its definitely worth the money, it'll be my honour to have ur company on 19 april, THE DAY ^_^

and...next week is chinese new year celebrations, and i've been busying myself getting in shape for the performance, which i cannot afford to screw up. i've screwed up every performance i staged at sajc, so its time to redeem myself! for the benefit of you, who have been reading this post, i'll be representing sajc chinese cultural society to perform a crosstalk, and i'll have singing parts in between the crosstalk, so dun pon school on the 6th! do check me and the rest of the CCA groups out at Shu Lai Bao Restaurant(LOL....) on the 6th. but performance chances dun come easy, i'll be having rehearsal until 9.30pm on monday and tuesday...both physically and mentally draining. actually today suppose to rehearse till 9.30pm too, but i persuaded my teacher to sneak away at 6pm...haha while testing out my voice on the mic, the teacher incharge of dance said something interesting to me, she ask me whether i want to enter the entertainment industry one day, and said she's the person who pushed LJJ, stephanie sun and hongJY into the limelight, and she's looking for the fourth one. i realized that she might be someone who can intro me to li si song and open up more singing opportunities, and im really to tempted to do what she said, to find her someday to talk about it...everything is still very blur right now, so i shant think so much abt it, but i'll definitely look her up someday soon and check things out, and make things clearly, until then...being a pro singer will still remain as a fantasy which only happens in my dreams..hahaz

o...i actually forgot to mention about the highlight of these 2 weeks...MSA or Milestone Exam. lol some ppl might feel the stress, but to me, its just another of the many exams that im suppose to take before i take the final test. back in xinmin we get one test per week, so MSA is just another piece of cake for me in terms of stress level, but its a durian in terms of difficulty...frankly im quite thankful of mrs lee bee yan, for having MSA, it really made me get into the study mood much earlier then expected, and im getting a clearer picture of where i stand and how much work i need to do by this year. i admit im really feeling discouraged and demoralized these few days, on some days i really totally feel like giving up on myself, but i know im not someone who gives in to difficulties that easily, i wouldnt settle for something without a fight first, so im not gng to be beaten, not this year at least. im now running my own race, all i have to do is to compete with myself, and win myself, then i'll have reached my goal, i believe i know my own capacity and how much i can achieve academically, so i'll not let myself down. after MSA, im even more clear of what i should do and i'll shut the mouth of all my doubters, and make NJC regret their choice of rejecting me.

phew...i cant believe its finally the end of the week, these 2 weeks has been hectic for me, with not much rest everyday, im surprised im still awake and blogging now, cos i can shut my eyes and sleep anytime i want. but right now i have a visitor from china staying at my place, and he's went out to meet some frend, and i have to wait for him to return and open the door for him, so i cant sleep just yet, but thanks to him, i can use this precious sleeping time to blog some crap which is collected in my mind these few days..hahaz. and today the girls in the class brought us to Island Cremery, at bukit timah, although the NJcians over there kind of bring out my sad memories, but the icecream made up for these negative thoughts. the icecream at IC was superb! and the price is reasonable too, $8 for a 500ml tub which u can ta bao home to eat!! hahaz unfortunately it rained, but it was a good experience, it seem that the class is interacting alot better than last time, not that it was bad previously, but its better now.

haiz...sometimes i really what to say about the class, its very unique and i feel like i've hit a jackpot to end up in s17, class-wise, i dare not have any complains liao, but like the say, nothing is perfect. its impossible for ppl to 100% get along sometimes, and sometimes ppl with the problem actually dun realize them. its hard to please everyone, like always, so somethings has to be sacrificed, this might be simple to understand, but its definitely difficult to execute, esp for some troubled souls out there. i seem to be taking a laid-back and slack characteristic in the class, but i know pretty well that its not a true reflection of myself, but unfortunately i've wore this mask right from the start of last yr, and its hard to take it off right now. but sometimes i think being slack and laidback isnt that bad, it save me of alot of thinking process and unnecessary troubles, but its definitely a double-edged sword. i've yet to find my identity in school yet, its hard when ppl keep assuming abt who i am. but thats not impt la, as long as everyone is happy, it doesnt matter what role ppl assume. no matter what type of person u are, just make sure we assume our role to the fullest and dun create unnecessary problem for others.

haha...now i dunno what the hell i talking about le, seems like im really tired, so i shall end off here. thanks for being with me until this point, hope to hear u telling me that u are gng to the david tao world tour! even if u dun go, please do pick up a david tao album at the nearest CD shop and embark on ur music journey, i guarantee that it'll definitely worth the money and time. hopefully next week's performance will go on smoothly and more impt..lol..i hope CNY will solve my finiancial crisis lately...haha all the best everyone!!

a few sleepless nights...

2008-01-27T00:18:00.000+08:00

O Level results was released on the 24th of January, much earlier than last year, but not as much merrier. overall, this year's batch did worse than the previous, and it has affected the results of many people, including those who i care and who cares for me too. Probably the strongest impact i felt was situation at xinmin secondary. we did not do as well as last year.

it was a pity that i couldnt be there personally to see my beloved juniors receive their results, but it was lucky that i couldnt be there, if not i wouldnt be able to control my emotions and break down together with many of my juniors. This is the first time in my 5 years of being a proud xinmin student, that i see people getting an olvl L1R5 higher than their prelims. and not to say our MSG, i could remember clearly when i was still a student at xinmin, everytime the olvl results are released, the principal will speak to the whole school thru the PA and announce how well the school have done, and declare a holiday or half-day at least, but this year the school's didnt even reveal the MSG. It might be because of the slackiness amongst my juniors, it might be the complacency of the teachers, it might be the inexperience of the new principal, it might be the slip-shot moderation from cambridge, whatever the case is, xinmin has not performed better for the first time in at least 5 years.

but it actually isnt so bad, because no matter what, those who did well did really well, i have many juniors coming up to me and telling me they got 8, 7 or even 6. We even produced the top student of singapore, with 10A1s (the newspaper reported wrongly) i couldnt hesitate but advice those able juniors to enter NJC, because it is definitely the best JC around. Actually xinmin's drop in results is reasonable, because our batch has already achieved a result that is hardly attainable, 100% jc-eligible and MSG of 10. this result already placed xinmin amongst the top 5 government schools in singapore, we can even have a xinmin junior college liaoz, since 100% of us are eligible. 所谓高处不胜寒, it is very difficult for a school to remain atop forever, at some point we have to slow down abit and let others catch up with us, so this year is the year where we rest, refill our ammunitions, and prepare for the new year ahead. i believe mdm liew and my teachers will not be shattered by this small setback and continue to work hard for the current batch of sec4s.

its already morning, and i am still unable to fall asleep, bcos im thinking, im thinking about how all my juniors are feeling right now. i've talked to a few of them, some of them are rejoiced, and some of them shed tears of sorrow. i could almost feel myself gng back to the days after olvls were released, naively happying about my not-so-beautiful olvls results, even though i did not shed any tears at this time, but those tears flow into my heart when the postings are released. but it is not about me this time, its about them, those who are in dilemma about where to go, and those who are in grieve about their results. i always believe in the ability of xinmin students, and no matter where i go to, i always feel comfortable when someone is wearing the xinmin uniform, bcos i know we are one big family. xinmin's education is not all about academics, it has thought us many others things which will be more valuable than results. so what if u think u performed badly? so what if u did not reach ur expectation? that is all other's judgement of u, what is important is how u judge urself. one humble teacher, one simple sentence, but it has followed me unknowingly for 4 years. it was by mr tan pin hock, my sec 2 chemistry teacher, he is no longer in xms, and i doubt he even rmb me, but he once said after a test, "when i was a student, i dun discuss answers with my classmates after tests, bcos i know i've put in my effort to study for the exam, and whatever result i get, i will accept it, it is no point comparing with others." i might forget mr tan's looks one day, but this simple sentence will always follow me on, and i hope those juniors who are really this, u might know mr tan, u might not, but i hope this message goes out to u, u've put in the effort, the teachers have put in their effort, and the school has done her part, whatever result we get, we will accept them as it is, there's no use to compare with ur seniors batch, or with other schools. we know that we have learnt to work for what we want, we've gave it our best shot, the knowledge is in us, one piece of paper cannot erase it.

to those of u who have done well, WELL DONE, but in the midst of enjoying the fruits of ur success, dun forget to share some of the rewards with our beloved teachers and school. some ppl say that behind every raffles student, is a group of experienced tuition teachers. even though xinmin is often called "raffles of the north", behind each successful xinmin student, is a group of delicated teachers, who work timelessly just to mark our weekly test scripts, chase us painstakingly just to make sure we sit down and study, and teach us patiently so that we learn while not losing the joy of learning, where else in the world can we find a group of teachers like this? where else in the world can we find such enriching school like xinmin? so no matter how well u've scored, how will u do in the future, even if u bcum the president scholar, which i think is highly possible, always rmb these ppl whom have built a strong foundation for u, and allowed u to stand on the giant's arm, taught u how to fly, helped u reached the clouds, and aspired u to reach out for the stars.

i seemed to have a strange feeling all thru 24th jan, for some reasons. everytime i look at one J1, hanging around just waiting for the clock to struck 11.30 so that they could leave the school and go back to their secondary school, a weird feeling brewed inside me. later i realized its bcos of my own olvl regrets, i've been trying to bury it deep inside me, but that day it threatened to unearth itself and resurface again. i know i've been trying very hard to forget abt the past, and really truly enjoy being a saint and love the school, but i dun think i'll ever make it, bcos i havent found a purpose here. u need to have a purpose in order to be proud of the place u live, in xinmin my purpose was to bring out the best of xinmin thru bringing out the best in me, and thats what i've been working on even up till today, i feel proud to say im from xinmin, but i hate to look at the person's eyes when i tell them im from sajc, this feeling is really un-tahan-able. i dun want to, like many ppl do, spend their 2 yrs in JC and have no memories except studying and CCA, it is not the life i want, thats why im trying to be involved in more things around the school and try my best to make small changes, but im have my own dilemmas too, something like an identity crisis. i dunno who am i, a defiant student? or a goodie-boy kind? its hard to strike a balance, and that why im constantly getting myself into trouble, and i will stop and ask myself, how the hell did i end up like this? like what i said in my last post, i do hope as i get myself involved i will soon find my identity in the school and find my purpose, i dun want to lead 2 years of my life in jc and end up with nth else but the alvl cert.

its hard to answer when juniors ask me," hey is sa good?" one hand i hope that more xinmin students will come to sajc, so the xinmin culture will be stronger, but one another hand i regretted staying in sajc, and i dun want my juniors to walk the same path again. the only right thing to do is to promote my school, while emphasising the impt of making your own decisions. those of u who got 7 8 or 9. plz go to NJ, i hope to see more and more xinmin ppl in top 5 JCs, we have already conquered TJ, now its time to dominate the population in NJ and VJ, and one day we will be able to take down the name of raffles jc and replaced it with xinmin jc. im also happy for those who are gng to come into sajc, im really happy to see more xinmin ppl in our midst, so i can find some feel of home in the foreign land.

have been slacking most of the time this week, bcos my father was back and he kept asking me to use the comp and help him send things, and i ended up playing the comp for the whole night, talk abt discipline. MSA is ongoing and more challenges will emerge as the yr progresses, and very soon we will sit for the final test. i hate it when teachers talk to me as if i will not do well for alvls and asking me to wake up. what makes them think im still asleep? i understand it is partly my fault bcos i really am sleeping for the most part of last year, but the power supply of my engine has already been turned on, all i need to do now is to get it started. but like i always say, im a very difficult engine to start, but plz dun pour more cold water on me? i dubbed this yr as "The Takeover", and i cant wait for it to begin.

most part of this post is delighted to my dear juniors who just gotten their results, if ure not one of them, big thanks to u for reading until the end! and to my juniors, i cannot give u anything but my true thoughts, and hopefully it will be of abit use in facing the many paths in life for u. im just one of the many seniors who love xinmin, and who cares for every single person in the xinmin family, so dun hesitate to come to us with any problems and im sure anyone of us will lend u a listening ear. but all in all, i think xinmin has still done very well, bcos u have became the person u are today, we all learn and mature thru every obstable we encounter and destroyed, and so do not fret, lets work towards our dreams together. 人生的道路上，你和我都是同路人!

a few cloudy days...

2008-01-14T23:46:00.000+08:00

rainy days most of the time this past week, i wonder how many of u have ran in the rain, got drenched on the way home, got ur shoes and socks all wet even though u carried an umbrella, or purely grumbled abt the fact that u have to carry a stupid umbrella to school. but as we continues to grumble about the rainy weather, we should stop and observe what happens b4 a rain, the cloudy days, it is signaling to us that a rain is coming, but why are we still out in the rain? humans, we love to challenge the difficulties, simply bcos we ignored it...

for these past week, i've been pondering about the question of how we handle life and its many events which are gng to unfold in the next moment. and this song 阴天 by karen mok has been circulating in my mind, the lyrics repeating in my thoughts. i must compliment 李宗盛 for composing this masterpiece, the catchy music brought forward a sense of realization, which i've been eagerly trying to find.

what have i been doing, and why i've been wanting to some things, are making me confused. normally when u've failed and been hurt real bad in an experience, u'll tend to become more careful and avoid the same mistakes in the future, for me initially i wanted to avoid doing this task which im not gifted in at all, but these days something inside me is telling me otherwise, and im tempted once again to embark on the journey which i onced walked on. but how can i be sure that i will succeed this time? what will happen if i fail again? just like the lyrics of the song depicted, ppl just cant get enough of things, for example relationships, one after another, hoping that the next one will be THE ONE, but most ended up having their hearts broken one time and another, is it worthwhile?

back to my context, im really afraid, that if i choose to embark on this journey again, i might come back even more weathered and beaten than ever before. i'm still pondering, not knowing whats the next move i should make, and how should i make it, theres too many infomations, too many uncertainties, too many difficulties.

but like how the song sang, 要想真明白，真的要好几年. which means wisdom and knowledge comes with experience, and only by making mistakes and facing failure will u be able to learn and improve. some ppl are afraid to make mistakes, bcos they're afraid that when they've learnt, it would be too late. and thats exactly the case for me during my previous attempt at the task, which i ended up having to regret for a long period of time, but i'll rather learn it late, then to not learn it at all.

so i hope the person up there will give me ur blessings, give me this chance to embark on my journey, as long as the chance is given, and the timing is right, i will definitely do my best and not disappoint myself and everyone around me.

these past week has been crazy, i reach home after 7 everyday in the weekdays, due to trainings, lectures and an outing with royston, totally beat when i reach home, no energy to execute any brain cells to study, but nevertheless i've been trying my best to keep up the pace, and get things started slowly. Lessons has been gng on fine and training is getting more hopeful, im delighted that i havent lost a single match since the start of the year, partly due to the fact that i didnt play with the best players in the team, and another reason is due to the effectively of my china trainings ba. its the start of the week again and things are gng to repeat themselves once again, hope my body can continue to take such stress, both physically and mentally.

i will be involved in a couple of performances in the near future, chinese new year and the opening ceremony of fujian student's association. i feel grateful of all these opportunities to perform in public bcos after last yr's numerous failure performances, i realize i still lack experience when performing in the public, thus i do not hesitate to grab any chance these days, just to perform for a few minutes, i'll be contented. and im picking up my singing again, trying to master the new technique to sing keys i couldnt reach in the past, and have been making progress, the final test is to see how my live performances will improve liaoz.

and sajc chinese song writing competition is starting soon! music enthusiast please look out for it! i've already began to refine my first self-composed song with my guitar teacher, so those who have heard my first demo, im still writing the lyrics so do give me ideas if u have, and to all, do come down to support the competitors on the day itself. which day? i also dunno yet lei...lol but im in the chinese society, so if the date is released, i'll be one of the first to be informed.

alot of random blabbering in this post, plz pardon me, i dunno what im typing half of the time, im grabbing the last few minutes b4 sleep to blog, thanks to my busy schedule, i returned home at 8 plus again today! sianzz...but the days seem to be more meaningful when things get concentrated, and hope more good events will unfold as the year progress, im putting all my hope in year 2008, so i'll not disappoint myself, plz dun disappoint me too yea?

Year 2008 : The Takeover

2008-01-07T23:15:00.000+08:00

About Year 2007

If theres one song that can summarize the whole of year 2007...it will be 梁静茹's 可惜不是你:

这一刻突然觉得好熟悉
像昨天今天同时在放映
我这句语气原来好像你
不就是我们爱过的证据

差一点骗了自己骗了你
爱与被爱不一定成正比
我知道被疼是一种运气
但我无法完全交出自己

努力为你改变
却变不了预留的伏线
以为在你身边那也算永远
仿佛还是昨天
可是昨天已非常遥远
但闭上双眼我还看得见

那可惜不是你陪我到最後
曾一起走却走失路口
感谢那是你牵过我的手
还能感受那温柔

那一段我们曾心贴著心
我想我更有权力关心你
可能你已走进别人风景
多希望也有星光的投影

true enough as the lyrics depicts, i didnt achieve anything in year 2007, i practically didnt do anything for the past year, and i've let it slip away from my grasp unknowingly. i spent most of my time in despair and grumbles about the major setbacks i faced this past year, and forgotten the importance of letting bygones by bygones and start moving ahead in a new direction. the year started well, with a new school for PAE and knowing a group of fun-loving OG, everything seemed to be gng the right track, until the day JAE posting was released, i've long forgotten which day was it, but it was the day that turned my life up side down, and dropped me down from seventh haven. the damaged is so hard on me that i cant say i've fully recovered from its aftermath even at this moment.

It is one of the biggest mistake i've made in my life up till now, and i am truthfully regretful about my naiveness and lack of matureness. everything that i wanted to achieve last yr did not succeed in the end, and at the start of 2008, i feel as if 2007 was a waste of my life, that i've remained stagnant and not moved forward, and that i've value-minus my capabilities and let myself down. Academics aside, i did not achieve what i wanted in table tennis, neither did i achieve anything i wanted in my personal life.

should i say i've failed to be myself, a person who believes in what i wanted and will go all out to get it. i rmb in my SL trainee days, during the first trainee selection camp, i performed badly and gave the seniors a very bad impression, and was even on the edge of being sacked, but in my testimony for the camp, my seniors said one good point about me: determination. that i was determined to be a SL, no matter how bad my performance was, i still tries hard to be heard and to achieve what i want in life. but where have i placed my determination last year?

my classmates often refer to me when they needed a leader, even though most of the time i did not think of myself as a competent leader bcos theres so many other good personalities around like chairman ben and captain look, but when i ask them why they believed i was a leader, they said it was bcos of my ability to know when to have fun, and when to be serious and firm. like how i always have fun together with the rest in class, doing all sorts of stupid stuff together, but when it comes down to duties and attire checks, or any serious issues, i will know whats the correct attitude to handle things. but have i been having too much fun and losing myself, so much so that i've lost the balance of serious and casual?

my brothers often say that i have a positive thinking about situations, which is encouraging, but do they know what half of the time when i said "no worries, it can be done." last year, i was in doubt myself. i seem to have lost hope about the situations in my life.

but as i tell others too, when u lose something, u will gain something in return, and that very true. i think the most valuable thing i've gained this year, is being exposed to my weakness even more, and got to understand myself better, know what i am really going after in life, and it helped me pave my path for the years to come. and i've also learnt the importance of choices in life, yes choices...one wrong choice like mine, and you will end up in grieve for the rest of your life, everytime u look back into this period of ur life, u will despair, "o man, i shouldnt have..." but what is already done is done, the damage has already been taken, its a blessing that i learnt this at the age of 17, where i still have so many more 17 years to go and make sure similar mistakes doesnt repeat itself, ever again, its time to start things anew, as we move on to a new year...

the Present situation

if theres one song that can describe my feelings now, it will be 林志炫's 进退两难:

我真的不愿承认你心中
有个完整的世界随你躲
那儿有山有水有天
留不下空缺让我来填
要痴痴等待很简单
要若无其事很困难
要让你信任很简单
要和你恋爱非常难
曾经我费尽心思
走到你心门口
我努力努力
这门槛我却始终跨不过
我悄悄回头
发现来时太执着
把路都踏破
我进退两难

many of you might have similar feelings as me before, where you're put into a situation where u're forced to remain stagnant, bcos u want to advance, but someone is stopping u, but ur heart also cannot allow u to back away from what u really feel. thats how im feeling right now. after so many setbacks and life-changing events that toook place in 2007, it is not easy to say,"ok thats move on!" and really start advancing ahead, becos where i am standing now is like a bridge that is about to break with any slight movement, and theres no way to leave the bridge, so i cannot retreat, neither can i advance. but im not gng to let myself remain stagnant any more, not for this year at least, im gng to take a step forward, one step at a time and hope that the bridge doesnt break, even if i have to fall again, i will stand up strong and rejoice about the fact that i've left the bridge, i can also hope for an angel to come by and carry me to my destination, thats the ideal situation. but for now i have to put my worries and fears aside, and move on, thats the only way out.

about Year 2008

if theres one song that preludes what im gng to do for year 2o08, it will be 曹格's 刮目相看:

告诉你我不是一个会认输的人
当我不得不承认
从跌倒失败
也曾经守在阴霾
不看不听不说傻傻的发呆
难道我就被打败
多幸运有你
使我的生命充满希望
从今之后不在垂头丧气走开
所有人的期待让我站起来
甩掉了主败
从今全打开
我终于明白
fly 尽全力在飞起来
没有后悔不后退
我让你刮目相看
just fly
向世界证明我存在
努力过的汗水不断灌溉
美好未来
cause i can fly
yes i can fly

yes, i can fly, you can fly, all of us can fly...as long as we believe we can fly, and now i believe if theres any way to get out of the broken bridge im standing right down, it is to learn how to fly. xinmin secondary school has taught me how to fly, inspired me to head to the sky, made me aim for the stars. many ppl doubted me these few years, and even more in sajc, partly due to my fault, i was doubted by more people, but i know theres still some people in our midst that believed in me, and im gng to show the world, and all those people that doubts me, that you're WRONG!

i can nvr forget benedicts words in year 2006, it was at night when we were sitting at the busstop outside xinmin, waiting for his bus, when he told me,"yuchuan, im sure u can score single-digit for olevels." just a few simple words, some ppl might think that he's just saying without going thru his brains, but at that pt of time, no one has said similar things to me, no one has expressed their confidence in me, even i myself was in doubt of my own potential, but after hearing his words, i got this boost of energy that survived me thru that yr, and in the end i did not disappoint him.

another incident happened last yr, at around june, under the house of benedict, with roy and i, i told them abt the problems i was facing last yr, and told them i might retain. but benedict and roy both said the same things that reassured my unsure heart and mind, and their support was what i was holding on all this past yr in sajc, so big thanks to their pillar of friendship that kept me moving on, no matter how big the problem is, i know i will not face them alone.

i've seen long new year resolution from other people, 9 or 10 plus of them...lol my new year resolution is very simple, be myself, know what i want, and achieve what i want using whatever ways deemed fit, and make sure i do not have anymore regrets in sajc, and that i will finally learn how to like this place called sajc, and reassure myself that i did not ended up here by chance.

i dub this year, 2008, as The Takeover. im gng to takeover every aspect of my life and not let any things get out of hand. im gng to set my directions straight and show my true self to my network of friends. its gng to be a year of breakthrough, where i will shut the mouth of all my doubters, and finally prove my worth, everyone that watching me, at least you who have read till the end of this post will know my goals for this year, and i will not let myself and become ur laughing stalk next yr. im gng to takeover year 2008, just watch.

hongkong trip recount...belated!

2008-01-06T21:04:00.000+08:00

ok i know this is abit late...but i havent been getting the blogging mood since the new year started, i shall recount my hongkong trip last year as a start.

The ferry ticket from macau to hongkong!

i see hongkong!! (typical crowded buildings)

my mother's classmate's house, she was kind enough to accomodate me for 2 nights, if not hongkong's accomodation will cost a bomb =/

so i set out on my trip on the mrt, to TongLuoWan for shopping!

i also took the bus, looks just like singapore...

8P, the bus i took from TongLuoWan to meet my mother's classmate, she invited me to join her in a function that night.

the hongkong convention and exhibition centre...the place the function was held

guess what...rmb that i attended a function in macau where i won an iron? this was the exact same function, just that it was in hongkong and there was less prize to be won..lol the person talking on stage was the mayor of Taizhong of Taiwan.

the night view of hongkong from the convention centre, one word: beautiful

one final photo at the function

the next day i woke up late as usual...so after lunch took a bus to OCEAN PARK!!

had a fun-filled afternoon exploring the giant place and thrilling myself, this is me sitting the SPACE WHEEL, i believe many of you sat it before...i love the thing that brings u high up and drops u down, i sat that twice, and i sat the roller coaster 4 times!! hehe

cos it was near christmas, there were artificial snow near the ice palace, and i went in for a walk, nth much but a small walkway below -10 degree. i lost track of time on top the mountain, that i forgotten about the other part of ocean park, below the mountain, so im only 50% in exploring it, the rest shall be left for my next visit!

before night falls, i made it to the Avenue of Star

theres nth much there except some statues, but i had some fun looking for the place itself and exploring parts of JianShaZui

handprint of Jacky Chueung!

time flies..and before i had enough of hongkong, i had to leave, this is my final photo in hongkong at WanZhai, with the bus that will take me to ShenZhen

my ticket to ShenZhen Airport

ShenZhen airport...

before i know it...im at shanghai, from 20 degrees to 5 degrees..

hongkong had really left a deep and good impression in me, the place and esp the people, i must say the hongkong people are very friendly and cute, its hilarious experience to ask for direction around hongkong and you go communicating with both ur mouth and hands. it was a pity that i hand to embark on this hongkong alone, becos its not nice being alone at OCEAN PARK, and its neither enjoyable to shop alone. i'll definitely to back at hongkong this year end, and since i know so many friends from hongkong, i can call them up and let them be my tour partner..hehe hope they will agree.

this trip to macau, hongkong and finally arriving back in shanghai with my uncle has been most fullfilling, it was a good time that i set aside to relax and forget about all the troubles that bothered me this whole last year. As the place i stayed in hongkong could view the sea and JianShaZui, i spend most of my nights sitting next to the window and looking at the lights of hongkong, and it hit me how insignificant my troubles and worries were as compared to the world. as i looked at the tiny lights shining out of the flats of hongkong, as if all the stars in the universe had united infront of me, i see hard people has tried to advance and succeed, and how many different memories are alive in people's mind. since theres so many ppl sharing this world with us, i shouldnt be complaining abt the past, or my past mistakes, bcos no matter how bad things has turned out, how i punish myself by drowning in grieve, the world still spins, those people continues to fight for their goals, the night lights of hongkong will not stop shining no matter how many ppl lose themselves in grieve of their mistakes and failures. so all i can do now is to place my hopes on the new year ahead and give it my best, and not allow failures to ever occur in my life again.

thank you hongkong, for giving such a wonderful experience, i'll be back
thank you my parents, for giving me full support when i told you about my plans for the trip
thank you godmother, for providing me transport and accomodation at macau
thank you auntie yumin, for allowing me to stay at ur house
thank you hongkies, for giving me a good impression of hongkong
thank you, for sticking with me for so long and reading my blog posts...haha happy new yr!

i''m back!

2007-12-28T16:50:00.000+08:00

back from my short trip, and it was most fulfilling, one bcos i got to experience a new lifestyle alone, and another hand i got to learn new things and see new things as i move along.

my trip started in macau, after which i headed to hongkong via the sea, then i traveled to shenzhen and took a flight to shanghai and met up with my uncle. the route was abit awkward cos it wasnt perfectly planned beforehand, but it turned out great!

Macau

the bus started at 7pm on 14th dec, it tooked me almost 12 hours before i reach ZhuHai, the city right next to macau, i could even see the ppl over at macau jogging in the park...its that near.

one funny thing i saw at the customs, is the departure and arrival card, the back of the card reads:

didnt do many things in macau though, frankly i dun really like the place...cos ppl are smoking everywhere, even indoors, and my nose got 24/7 supply of polluted air, talk about second-hand smoking. i went to find my god-mother as soon as i arrive, and turn out she was with her performing crew and touring china, macau was one of their stop, so first day didnt do anything but sit at her clan huiguan and listen to traditional music and take in polluted air.

i actually wanted to leave macau the very next day, but my mother's classmate persuaded me to stay cos my godmother's crew will be performing at The Venetian the next day, its one of the best casino and entertainment arena in macau and i had to take a look. so the next morning i went shopping around the city,

that night i visited the Venetian, and was awed, not only by the shops and casinos there, but the ballroom they performed at. and bcos i was with my godmother, i got to be part of the banquet hehe...there was also a lucky draw, every table will have 7 winners, prizes include mp4s and handphones, and my number for no.7, and it won be a....IRON!! lol...ppl who know me well, will know i iron my shirt every day, so its the perfect christmas gift to me from macau..haha my god mother won a handphone though...grrr lol

some of the shops in the "fake venis" inside the Venetian...the sky looked beautiful, but its already 7pm! cos its fake la..lol

the casino...im not supose to be gng in, but i managed to sneak in after getting caught once! haha

my lucky number and my lucky iron! lol

i left macau early next morning and headed for hongkong. macau didnt really leave a deep impression in me, in fact the dinner and the lucky draw was more significant..haha basically i dun visit macau unless u are there to gamble, thats my conclusion.

gonna go for training now, will blog abt my hongkong trip soon when im free again, see you guys soon!

my trip starts today!

2007-12-14T15:51:00.001+08:00

im going on my individual trip today!! the bus to macau leaves at 7pm later, i'll arrive at my first destination tmr it...it's gng to be a 10hours ride!!

highly anticipating...i'm gng to go on a shopping spree! not bringing many clothes, gonna shop and wear straight away! hehe

i dunno if i'll get internet access in this 7 days away, so bye bye blog, i'll come back soon!

First Discovery in China

2007-12-10T18:01:00.000+08:00

I CANT ACCESS MY BLOG!!

LOL...u must be wondering if my brain is working properly, bcos if i cant access my blog, why am i blogging right now??

the fact is, i cannot access my blog, but i can access www.blogger.com. which means i can write blogs, but i cant view them...haha so kindly pardon me.

my china trip started over here:

i arrived at around noon, and my first stop is to settle down at my father's office first and have lunch. these few days actually quite sianz, nth much to do except settle down. had my first training with my coach on saturday, next training is tmr! really excited and im really disappointed to see how much my skills deproved from last yr...proved that SAJC TT training is totally USELESS...haha sorry teammates, but its true right?

probably the best thing that happened past 3 days was the late night ktv-ing on saturday, it was peak hour but it was the only day most of my relative are free, so we drove and arrived at KangKangLiuDing, one of the best ktv operator in xiamen...
this is their main entrance, and the thing that awed me was...theres about 3 other ktvs operating across the road, all looked equally zai, but my father said this one was recently renovated, so we entered. and o yea, KTVs in xiamen is out-of-bounds to kids belows the age of 18!! that means i actually entered illegally..haha

not difficult to imagine why are KTVs only for 18 and above, this place is so diff from singapore! i think its totally diff level from singapore. in singapore, ktv is considered a recreation ba...but over here i suspose its a luxury...just look at the main hall, looks like some hotel. the KTV is actually 3 storyes tall, my room happened to be at the 3rd floor, and this is wat i saw as i walked out of the lift:

looks like some hotel more than a ktv right?? below is the stairway to the 2nd floor...and finally i entered my room. and its totally different from what we see in singapore. i've went to ktv in china before, so im not really awed, but its still luxurious entertainment for me. the room consist of 3 parts. the stage. the sofas. and the bar. this is what i saw as i entered the room:

its the TV, the mini stage and the seats. below is the view while standing on the stage:
its really the best place to sing, a mini tv in front of u, and ur listeners get to sit in the sofa or chill at the bar. below is the view from the sofa seats:
really had an enjoyable time that night, the songs were very new and i got the chance to test out my voice for the first time since i learnt a new singing technique.

but whats my point of posting up the pictures?

one is for u to be able to see my journey

another reason is so that my friends who hasnt been to china can have a feel of life in china. so many ppl in singapore think we are living a better lifestyle than the ppl in china, and i want to prove those ppl wrong! look at how advance the entertainment business in xiamen, one of the smallest city in china, has advanced beyond singapore! many uncles and aunties think china only has villages with farms and cows...lol...they are super uber wrong! u might think yea these places are only for the rich...but wait a sec! students very often visit KTVs too, illegally of cos...bocs they below 18 ma... haha

this is what im trying to say, i really like the lifestyle my relatives are living in china, china has already won singapore in many places, we as singaporeans should remain ignorant about it. hopefully i can post pictures about other aspects of life in china later, so do check it out.

i've come to the end of this post, i really cannot access my blog, other ppl's blog too...so sorry peeps, but i'll try to blog whenever im free yea? and i can read my tagboard so u guys can continue tagging on it. im getting really to go on my solo trip, so many things highly anticipated, hope u guys are having fun in singapore and enjoying ur holidays too.

till i blog again!

再见以前先说再见

2007-12-07T01:12:00.000+08:00

my plane will take off in about 6.5 hours time, gonna catch a shuteye soon if not i would risk oversleeping later.

really pek chek about the stupid budget airlines, just bcos i wanna save that hundred bucks, dun have this dun have that, now im even told that i have to physically walk up the plane...omg just hope i will land at xiamen asap. 4hour15minutes

im gng back, going back to where i started, and i'll find myself there, the original self, the yuchuan i wanna be, just wait.

i want this trip to be different from the past 10 trips, just like SL Intensive 2007, i wanna make this trip the most rewarding. i love to travel alone and go on a so-called adventure and explore the world myself, and this time im gng to do just that.

i'll be carrying my backpack and visiting cities i've nvr been, and explore places i have nvr ventured too, its gng to be exciting and highly anticipated! i'll be on the move and stop by anywhere i came along when i need a rest. of cos i'll be taking photos and staying connected thru the internet.

and i'll continue to blog about trip, whenever i have access to the net and there's things to blog about, so do check it out yay!

objective for this year-end retreat: explore, train, study and retrieve.

so goodbye singapore, and goodbye all my beloved friends, even though its only gng to be a short seperation, let's say this final goodbye before we meet again...

i need more time...

2007-12-06T02:38:00.000+08:00

ok intensive is over alright, and everyone is either blogging loads about it or writing tons of messages in the SL forums. i didnt really go blog hoping but i did read any blogs i came across which was about this camp. Guess everyone who blogged felt this camp was a great success and they learnt alot from it, some ppl even said this camp we planned was the "best ever" camp they've been thru, truly im very delighted to hear that my juniors are grateful to our efforts, and reassure us that we're not too old yet. Since so many ppl are writing regarding the camp my blog cannot remind stagnant, but i'll not blog about the normal things which so many ppl have repeated over and over again, plz read my junior's blogs if u wanna know the details of the camp, i'll just briefly recount it, for good memories.
but firstly i wanna thank some ppl, alot of ppl. thanks graduation gift for me, even though it is one year late, but its the thought that count. i was so surprise to know that u guys actually prepared a grad gift for us excos, and u all actually sew it up urself! it really gave me alot of motivation and great start to the camp for me!its actually a soft toy in the shape of Y, with "exco2006 yuchuan secretary" glued on it, sew together using two pieces of cloth and stuff with cotton, im really touched...even though i had unhappiness about being a SL at the end of sec 4, this gift washed away all my unhappiness and left me with brilliant memories of those good old days.

and i wanna thank all who have written warm fuzzies to me, i've kept all of them in my wallet and u bet i'll not throw it away. it really propel me to fight on during my low points and i'll cherish them.

before i start about the camp, i've got this insecurity in me since we broke camp. here i wanna make things right first, i apologize for any unhappiness felt by anyone i know since my absence from home and during the camp. i tend to be careless with my speech, perfectionist when doing things and it gets worse when im super uber tired and weared out, so i do not want any misunderstanding, plz clarify with me if u feel offended, i do not mean anything evil in the things i do, so pardon me for my mistake thus far.

ok SL intensive 2007...it all started here...

camp opt room

in-door dance cheorographing

mass dance party at parade sq!

reflection sharing time

Day 2

Basha building in the morning

Night in the Basha and fariz doing sentry duty with me

Day 3

highlight of the camp: night trek 11KM (nicole and ruimin acting cute, if u can identify them...haha)

dancing somewhere at sengkang

Day 4

final test: electric fence (they are suspose to transport everyone out of the boundary surrounded by ruffia string)

above are just events which i took pictures of, there many other activities that took place. everyone cried during the camp, except me and few others helping me out with logistic, and up till today i still dunno what did the rest of my camp comm did to make them cry out loud in the music room. all i know is junjin play our emo camp songs and said some emo speeches, and all of a sudden it struck to everyone in the room how much they love SLB, how much they cherish their friends, and how they did not do their job as a SL in the past, and everyone started crying. "BELIEVE" is the word. i havent really understood the whole story so i cant comment about it. but this event made me realize how emotional kids nowadays are getting, and how little they think on their own. if its just about how to take charge of their life, how has life unfolded for them and how much they love SLB, they shouldve done some soulsearching themselve alone, so i think there's something more.

whatever the case might be, im just glade that the juniors are finally enlightened and feel bonded as one SLB. from the start till the end of the camp, i seen the side of SLB which i havent seen for ages, those enthusiasm, those bond, those trust. my memories of the SLB was already fading b4 the start of the camp, and now it has suddenly became so clear in front of me, how was i like when i was a member of SLB, a proud member.

like i said during the debrief. im amazing and delighted to see how we the seniors, ppl like hongyou jasper nelson desmond junjin and me, how we could still work together after not seeing each other for so long, its really amazing. it suddenly struck me how long i've been MIA in SLB, since i entered JC, i've totally lost touch with the SLs in xinmin, even when i was secretary for the board, i practically didnt do anything to propel the board higher, i might even weaken it further. ms kuck said this during her speech, "a secretary is a person who take cares of everything gng on in the board, when theres any qns, the first person to ask is the secretary, the secretary is also someone not hesitant to give support to any troubled soul", even though the speech was for auldrey the current secretary, i made me think back about myself, i did not accomplish any of the responsibility of a secretary, i was not THE SECRETARY, but just someone who worn the exco badge and walked around the school doing nothing.

but what can i do? my juniors said they learnt alot during the camp, but this camp is also a learning journey for me. back in my era, i did not had the chance to lead any major events which involved the whole board, this intensive was the first time i was so involved, ironic huh? i dun have the experience like hongyou. neither do i have those CCA experiences in the UG like jasper. i do not have the eloquent speaking ability of junjin. neither do i have the cool and calm of nelson. all the more i dun have the flexibility of aishah my president. nor the perseverence of desmond. so what do i have that i can contribution? im just another extra senior with nothing special and can do nth but talk alot of crap. SLAB?? lol so what if i join, i dun even know what we are gng to do, and what my juniors wanna learn from me? this camp showed me how naive i was, i thought i was a leader, but i cant even made a simple decision without consulting others, im terribly outshined by my comrades. i mean seriously, what diff does it make whether im in the camp comm or not? what diff does it make if im in SLAB at all? anyone can do what i did, i have nth that can be used as an asset to the SLB, its time to face reality yuchuan. my presence is really so insignificant that everyone dun even bother to answer to my qns, like what happened during sing-a-long, and my point is always ignored during discussion, and no one is willing to give me the responsibility even when i step up to take it. i really dunno whose problem is it, but the attitude of ppl around me really make me feel this way. reality also gave me more assurance. since the sec4s get the luxury to consider about joining SLAB, why should i accept everything ppl ask of me? i know i said b4 i'll do whatever i can as long as xinmin needs my help, but i will have to gauge myself this time, how much i can help in SLAB, b4 i find something which can be an asset to SLB or SLAB, i am not gng to join SLAB, im not gng to let myself look like a fool.

i hope didnt offend anyone down here, bcos this is MY blog right? so i just write m impromptu random thoughts in, some of them might not be logical actually, but deep down i really feel i was not good enough for the SLB, neither im good enough for SLAB. its time for me to find myself again, find my strengths and my purpose. like what ms tee always tell me, i need to be more careful and not underestimate challenges, at the same time i need to enrich myself with more knowledge if not i'll become an empty vessel. im not gng to become an empty vessel, thus i need to start improve myself. this crappy year in sajc really made me a worse person, i no longer know who am i anymore, so this return to xinmin did help to find me back. but there's still some missing pieces i need to locate, but rest assure im on my way and making progresses.

i looked thru some old photos of my SL days in our msn groups, and those pictures really brought back so many good memories, and set me thinking of how i was then, and what i am now. see how much i've changed in just 1 or 2 yrs, just by looking, its not that hard to spot me right? lol

SL Investiture '06

SL Trainee Workshop '06

as i look at how i've changed, how i use to laugh and smile, how the juniors used to look, how the seniors used to behave. and i look at myself now, and this sense of regret fill me, why have i lost myself in whole yr when i could find myself back so easily.

maybe cos its so early now and my mind is not working fine, i wrote lots of crap in this post, plz pardon me. but i know its time for me to start again, from where i took off, i dunno what exactly took away somethings which i had, but now im getting them all back, just wait.

SLB, its forever My SLB, Our SLB

and its all about...

2007-11-22T00:44:00.000+08:00

patience. its the golden word for me this past one week and more. every events that happened since my last post, tested out my level of patience and im quite happy to see how much i've improved since my sec 3 days. since my last post, it has been a series of non-stop events one after another, i was hoping to catch a break, and here i am, totally free and sian-ed these 2 days, going back to my 宅男 lifestyle.

class chalet will be quite a memorable event for me, guess i'll be remembering the events that occured for life, not that i want to remember, but its so mind-engraving that its hard to put it out of my mind. i also dunno if its a good memory or a bad one, but since bad memories are easily forgotten, i think its a good one, good in the sense that it opened my horizon to this world and gave me new experiences ba. thou shall not elaborate on what exactly is this significant event, those who knows will want to avoid revealing it, just like me...haha. for the most part class chalet was quite a new experience to me, after all its the first major activity i've had with my class, of cos most things didnt go according to plan, for some reasons. BBQ on the first night didnt start until 12am, and by then all the food was already oven-cooked. then second day many peeps left, and our basketball session was affected by the rain. At least i had fun starting the BBQ fire and learning to play mahjong, and we had a satisfying PizzaHut/KFC feast (which damaged my voice, unfortunately) and alll the way thru second day night till third day morning, i had alot of fun, esp gotten alot of new experiences. and i must talk about our chalet, Aloha Changi Fairypoint 6, its super duper ulu, and surrounded by countless abandoned old bungalows and factories, and not to mention the infamous old changi hospital, just walk around the place at night gives me the creeps, and i had a great time scaring myself during the nightwalk along the "broad" way. and of cos one more highlight of the chalet was the double bike me and GJ rented for a bloodly $24, but we cycled almost 20km in 2 days on it, so its quite worth our dimes, thanks to the bike, we were able to have lotsa fun exploring the spooky place and chitchating along the way whiling avoiding the traffic. and i realized...that actually many ppl in class, are behaving similarly as me in front of other ppl...

but after this chalet, im even more convinced that this class i have now cant be compared to my beloved 405, both are good in diff ways, but 405 is the ones that make me feel most belonged and comfortable. how i wish to be back in 405, where i dun have to manage anything, and things still work out fine, i missed those days when as long as we have bbq, benedict and gang will settle everything for us, and when it comes to inhouse activities, everyone is able to enjoy themselves no matter how boring the games seems to me right now, and when it comes to outdoor activities, benedict and the rest will always have something unique and interesting waiting for me to explore. it was those days when fu lu shou looked out for each other, and i know i can always count on mr fu to settle any obstacles that comes our way, and i can always rely on mr shou to have the same sentiments as me. of cos there's hiccups here and there, bcos of the rash and perfectionistic mr lu, but things always miraculous work themselves out somehow. those were the days.

and why isnt 07s17 like this? if u ask me, i say its the attitude and mentality of every individual in the class. we were all brought up in totally different schools with diverse culture and environment, thus its difficult for someone from X school to accept the way of life of a xinmin student like me, thus when we wanna play some games, sure will have some ppl find it sianz, and unable to make themselves enjoy the activities. i've said many times to my classmates, nth is interesting 100%, u have to make urself enjoy the things you're doing if not you'll not be happy with anything. we have a variety of character in this class, some ppl only think for themselves, some ppl think of everything b4 thinking about the class, some ppl think too highly of themselves, some ppl think too lowly of other ppl, and some ppl think too little for the ppl around them, some ppl think too casually, some ppl think too much. one part of our class is very bonded and can get things to work out, but unfortunately its too one-sided, and we're unable to get things moving in a class-chalet situation, back in 405 of cos we're not all bonded, but we have lines, even if its tiny lines, linking every part of the class together, so its a chain-reaction, and we can get things done, right now i feel 07s17 lacks this lines or bridges across different parts, causing a communication breakdown when activities becums too large scale.

now to talk about my singing, friday's talentpop was a total disaster...haiz actually i had anticipated it long ago, i signed up for it just for fun, and i had 3 day chalet during which i spoiled my voice, and i didnt really practice at all, so why will i stand any chance to win? but since i know i will lose, why do i feel so guilty right now? its bcos i regreted. i didnt give my audience their due respect bcos i didnt give them my best, and as someone who loves music so much, i feel a responsibility to bring good music to my fellow saints, but i didnt do that on friday. and now im questioning my own singing, i dunno its the sound system or my vocals, it doesnt seem to be audible in the open, and i am unable to get into the singing groove when im in the open or when its very noisy, seems that my singing still has a long way to go, and my performing skills is also far from reach the mark. thus these few days i've been practising my singing whenever i have the chance, evaluating my singing thru all these years, from CSS right till talentpop, im still desperately trying to find the right way for me to sing, cos i too weak right now. i sing to others so that they will feel the music and understand my emotions, and hopefully fall in love with the music im in love with, but im still unable to convey that to the audience, so my route has only just started, i must listen my mother, to grasp every performance opportunity to gain experience, even 杨宗伟 had to go thru countless competition and performances b4 attaining such singing standards, so what makes me think i can 一步登天?

regarding table tennis, as each day passes, im losing hope with SATT, i mean come on we're like the slackest CCA amongst the teams in national top 3, ok i know i always go training late, but how about those ppl who nvr turn up for training at all? and our number of training days are getting lesser and lesser, seems that my teammates feel their skill will not be lost so easily and the other schools are as slack as us. well thats not the main point, these few days i've been quite satisfied with my progress during training, slowly but surely, but getting my feel for the bat and the ball back, i've yet to return to competition standard but i can see glimmers of hope, thanks to the coach and my teammates for playing with me. but just as im beginning to look forward to trng once more, they tell me theres no more trng cos nobody wants, omg man. ok i know im leaving for china soon, but i wanna have a peace of mind knowing that my team is trng hard back in singapore while i train hard in china, and we will have a go at the championship next yr. yingjie i know you're reading this, lol...plz continue trng hard during the holidays, maybe next week restart trng liao, whether u believe it or not, we need the trng and the players to come for our trng, no matter how good we think we are.

ok that brings me to another point, its decided, i'll be returning to china on the 7th dec, my mother and bro will unlikely be able to go back, sadly. thanks to royston for helping me book the tix online, but im more grateful to my family for allowing me back. earlier i was saying we're still deciding who should go back, then we came to a conclusion that all three of us will stay in singapore, which made me kind of down, bcos of cos i know the reason why i couldnt return, so i didnt argue with my mother, like i used to back in secondary school days, but i was feeling a void in my heart. bcos i know i want to be back in china, every yr at this time, i will always be breathing in china air, and stepping on china soil, if i am not able to go back, i really dunno what i am gng to do in singapore, everything seemed so empty ahead of me. so i raised this issue to my mother again and we came up with solution, im still having mixed feelings now, one side im feeling rejoiced about the fact of going back, another hand im feeling injust for my mother and esp my brother, last yr it was the same situation, both my bro and i wanted to go back, but my mother only allowed me to go back, it was kind of unfair for my bro, and tis yr it'll be the same thing, but i cant help it. so now its confirmed that i'll be gng back, to enjoy myself one last time b4 my Alvls next yr, to trng as hard as i could for the last time in my time, and of cos to finally break the thrift law and buy all the things i want, if i can.

not much time b4 my departure ler, this week will be a boring one, a good opportunity for me to rest my body after a series of tiring events, and to prepare for another series of similar stuff next week. camp is next week! my beloved juniors of SLB, if you're reading this, i just cant contain my excitement, first training camp ran by us SLs for SLs, interesting huh? o yea not to forget tmr is xinmin's open house i think, i shall go back and check out how its gng to unfold, and if the present xinmin students love xinmin as much as i do. so for now its all about relaxing, singing and saving, so that im able to enjoy during the next few weeks in singapore, and i cant wait to meet up with my brothers after what it seemed like to be forever.

I M

2007-11-12T23:25:00.000+08:00

上个星期刚送走了PW, 这个星期就和GSC说永别了... Life's good

holidays has finally officially started for me, its suppose to be something worth rejoicing right? but i feel otherwise. basically becos i think i screwed GSC la, the qns was easy, but i didnt perform to my best standard, i even forgotten to write my favorite rebuttal, whats more hurting is, the very day i watched the news and one MP addressed a very insightful comment about the same issue i did for my GSC!! if i had heard it one day earlier, i wouldve written an insightful piece of essay! now i feel my essay is totally ordinary and cant stand out at all...very strong feeling its gng to be a B. but nvr now its useless to grumble about it, just hope the rest are as "ordinary" as mine...

holiday life has been at the limit of boring-ness, i practically stayed home for about 4 liaoz, sleeping at 2am and waking after 12pm, facing the comp, playing the guitar and singing till everyone else sleeps. i feel more and more like a 宅男 lolz... but these 4 days was also the longest time i spent with my family continuously. in the past i was constantly on the move, so not much time to interact with them, these 4 days i really feel more like im part of my family, ironically. its really amazing to realize that the most tolerant people around u, no matter how cold u treat them, how many times u quarrel with them, at the end of the day u all still live under one roof, they still share the same kitchen with u, and they still does the laundry for u. the bond between family members are really amazing, even though some people tend to forget it sometimes. imagine how our society will becum if everyone treats each other like their kins, we will have no war, no poverty, no tragedy, no chaos.

currently im facing a major crisis in my family, regarding if we could return back to china. the problem is similar to the problem i've faced all year. due to this problem now its either i go back myself, or i stay in singapore and let my mother return with my brother. actually my mother has decided to let me return and she will stay in singapore with my brother, but i told her she had to go back to see my grandma, who was 80 years old liao, so i am willing to stay put to allow them to go back. but my mother is still in a dilemma. omg its already mid nov ler, and i planned to leave on 3rd dec, so its now or never liao, hopefully my mother makes up her mind soon.

sometimes i will question my father, and blame all the problems we face in singapore upon him. i find it hard to accept his ego, his over-confidence, his behavior and his carelessness. his wishful thinking and ego caused our family to be so seperated now, and life hasnt become better for us, in fact life might be much better if he had simply stayed in singapore and work for one of the premier architecture firms. but he did not want to be below anyone thus he went to find his own space in china, and thats when all the crap problem start to appear. but ironically, im not much different from him actually, deep aside of me lies the desire to be on top of everyone and excel in everything in do, and maybe thats why i always try to climb the cooperate ladder in every cooperation i join. in fact im worst than my father, at least my father had the determination to work towards his goals, at the very least he was a very diligent student and was a top student from the top university in china, but me? a lazy student who lacks determination and focus and currently in a @%$% school which some ppl dun even know about. so how can i comment about my father when im not even on par with his achievements?

maybe coming to singapore was a grave mistake right from the start. i've very frequently imagined how life will be like for me if i did not come to singapore, and how my family will be like in china, especially these few years after returning to china and witnessing how much life has improved in china for many relative who was not as well off as us last time. Singaporeans always feel that our lifestyle is more superior than the people in china and when we see tourist or immigrants from china, poor, crude, no manners, low-class etc...these words pop out in our mind, but how many of us actually see that beneath the humble appearances of china people, they are actually soooo much better off than us singaporeans? its high time for singaporeans to walk out of the small world their living and loook around the world, its time to jump out of the well. what disgust me most is the way my friends reacts when i tell them im from china, and when i talk to them about china, totally turns me off. Well im proud of my country, but im unable to stay there anymore. if i hadnt come to singapore, life will be totally different, i will probably be staying with my aunt and uncle under the same roof, and i'll be able to see my relative anytime i want, and have cousins whom i can spend my time with, i'll probably be able to get everything i want right now cos things are so cheap there, and maybe i'll study more bcos all my relatives will be forcing me on the chair...haha IFs and MAYBEs...

out of my dream, reality is i've been living in singapore for 11 years ler, and im almost, if not totally, singaporised. my family is also terribly seperated here and there, after my uncle migrate to canada, our family will be even more seperated. so its true huh, globalization is really breaking families aparts, just that i dun think anyone in my family is realising that, except me. i cant wait to end my studies and start working, then i will be able to support my family and lighten the burden of my father, but it'll still take about 10 years before that happens, i hope my family wouldnt collapse before that...im kindna looking forward to NS life, then i will not need to take allowance from my mother and in return pay for some of the family's expenses thru my NS salary. anyway im sure things will be better in the near future and i can live with more peace at home...

i've been wanting to talk about my thoughts after watching 《超级星光大道》, not about how well those ppl sing, they all sing super well. but about the story of 杨宗纬. when i heard him sing thru all the stages, im almost sure that he's the best singer there and there's no reason for him not to win becos of his voice and his good rapport with everyone, but when i read about 林宥家 becoming the champion, i was shocked, and started to wonder why 杨宗纬 lost. then one day on youtube, i watched him apologizing for lying about his age...then i realized that he was disqualified from the competition, what a waste! after some thoughts, i began to question this world, this society we're living. this world seem to hate perfect things, thus all of us are imperfect. 杨宗纬 seem to be perfect, he was no good-looking, but used his voice to conquer everyone's heart, he was not a talker, but was able to get along with everyone around him, all signs point to him being the winner, but heaven must come in and give this beautiful fairy tale a twist, i really dun understand why. why cant we see someone who works hard succeed? why isnt effort be proportionate to results? i see so much of these unfairness around me, but i cant do anything about it, some people say this is the beauty of the imperfect world, but i feel this is a sad fact of life. in a more logical surface, it is really dumb of 杨宗纬 to fake his age, but its even more hard to believe that the news just innocently happen to "find out" his real age, it must be becos ppl jealous of him receiving so much success, that those sadist people feel a need to tarnish him, thus purposely looking out for chances to destroy this fairy tale, and this time they succeeded. i also do not discard the possibility that its one of the other contestants trying to sabotage him, because with him around, its clear that the rest have no chance to win. that brings us back to the cruelty and coldness of our society, when can there be more love and care, and less of war and backstabs??

more things are gng to unfold after today, esp the long anticipated class chalet, im so excited about it, hope its gng to be fun and everyone will have fun. 14 to 16 is class chalet, then 17 to 19 my juniors invited me to their SL chalet! lol its gng to be fun being a old man in the midst of all the kids. its also funny for damn to be having a chalet b4 an intensive camp! lol imagining having fun b4 gng for a training camp (no i didnt mention its gng to be a torture camp!). then 19 is the opening of reading room, after that maybe gng out with camp comm to test out our camp activities, then can wait for the camp to start ler, i cant wait man...and at the very last, hope i can return to china once b4 my Alvls, so many things happened this yr that i feel i need a break away from singapore, and return to the place i truly call home, when i know i must be.

DEAR YUCHUAN

2007-11-05T03:00:00.000+08:00

恭喜你！PW终于结束了，酝酿了八个月的郁闷终于得以解脱，也可以不用再不耐烦地和同学作那些有力无心的事情了。现在不要管拿不拿得到好成绩了，反正拿A已是痴人妄想了，其他任何的成绩都一样，以平常心去面对吧！其实PW也让你学到了不少东西，比如让你见识到了什么叫做“王八蛋”，也让你更清楚地认识到这花花世界的多样化，你现在已比以前的你更有耐心，更有毅力，也更有包容心了。PW也不算白费吧！

你意识到了吗？再四天，你的GSC A水准就要开始了，可你自从年终考后付出了什么努力吗？你自己很清楚自己的行为是否正确，可现在已不是责怪自己的时候了，时间紧迫，接下来的4天内要抓紧时间好好恶补以下，临阵磨枪不是你最在行的吗？星期六回去新民找郑老师帮你补习，让你认识到了你的不足了吧！你以为你的华文程度很高，可山外有山，人外有人，不能拘泥啊！郑老师说了，你是和其他读了两年GSC的JC2一同竞争，最多可以拿一个B就很好了，可见你的低能，不容许再沉浸在自以为是的思想中了。考出一个B是你想要的吗？惟有A才能让你满足，所以现在就开始努力吧！明年去新民告诉郑老师：你的看犯错误！

这个假期分比寻常哦，虽然不会长留中国，可新加坡这里的事情真是令人兴奋啊！考完GSC就可以和班级的人在度假屋party三天两夜，SAJC OPEN HOUSE又有TalentPOP的比赛，让你能轻松一下，做你最喜爱的事：表演。当然子后还有一系列的计划工作要做，确保年底的SL Intensive Camp能成功，又可以和以前的伙伴们组织活动，应该很盼望吧！本来以为十一月的活动就这么多，想不到读书会有有任务了，哈哈这次是筹办SAJC Reading Room Opening Ceremony，也就是开幕式，也不知具体要做些什么，不过我觉得肯定很有意思！读书会终于要做一些有意义的事了！（哭笑不得）

刚刚在网上阅读了一些关于环保的新闻，如今很多国家都在搞“环保风暴”，建“环保城”，搞得还满得意地。可虽然环保的努力不间断，世界的环境污染还毫无好转，甚至有恶化的现象，这到底是为什么？我们的“环保风暴”，将问题越“刮”越多，我认为主要还是归咎于人们的素质。没错，你可以建议大堆的“环保城”，可有谁愿意住在一个出门只能走路骑车，在外只能种菜耕田的生活呢？简直不切实际。在来，现今社会有一个很大的矛盾，一方面我们在要求环保，一方面我们要求经济发展。殊不知这两者在根本上是背道而驰的，要求多一点前者就必须损失一点后者，而我们尚未找到一个平衡点，所以环保工作如此艰难。经济的效益造成企业不惜牺牲环境来换取利益，媒体也因此静音，间接的，人们就对与环境的恶化毫不知情。环保组织也没有足够的人才和概括力，一切都靠政府，可我们只有以政府，却有那么多正在破坏环境的企业，如此环保工作不成了天方夜谭了吗？所以如今我们社会的问题很多，包括政策的无效，人们的认识还不深，经济利益的“反环保风暴”和环保组织的微薄社会对动力。可先未来的路还很漫长！

最后，要谈谈音乐！周杰伦的新专辑还不错吧！虽然没有以往那么好，可还是有让你耳目一新的歌曲，我强力推荐《彩虹》；《青花瓷》；《我不配》；《最长的电影》。其中《彩虹》在吉他上弹唱的感觉实在太棒了！可我最喜欢的还是《最长的电影》，感觉格的曲风比较和我的胃口。当然同一天发片的苏打绿《无与伦比的美丽》也一样好听！主场的声音一级棒，很有特色哦！哈哈本来想谈谈我看《超级星光大道》的感想的，可时间很早了，该去休息一下了，呵呵再见咯！

我上
11/5/2007 ; 3am

confused...

2007-10-27T01:06:00.000+08:00

omg! good news to me, i've just found the David Tao of the West! he's the singer of the song One Last Cry, one of david tao's fav singer too, Brian McKnight. both Mcknight and DT sing with similar RnB style, pleasure to my ears, thanks to DT for introducing him to me! haha....since DT is not having any new album for 2 years, i shall survive of these DT-like singers...as always, there will always be something special in the singers i like, i totally found myself in this song as i read the lyrics, 5/5 stars!!

Brian McKnight - Still
Funny when you stop and think,
Time goes faster than you blink,
Nothing's ever like it was,
Girl we've got a special thing,
You're the happiness it brings,
Is more than enough,
I know it's hard to believe,
Your still the biggest part of me,
All I'm living for,

I still think about you,
I still dream about you,
I still want you and need you by my side,
I'm still mad about you,
All I ever wanted was you,
Your still the one, Your still the one,

It's hard to breathe when we're apart,
You're that sunshine in my heart,
I keep you here inside,
You've been everything to me,
You've been and always will be,
The apple of my eye,
And I know It's hard to believe,
Your still the biggest part of me,
All I'm living for,

If you love me, look into my eyes and say you do,
I've been waiting all my life for someone just like you,
Baby after all we've been through,
Girl I'm still in love with you,
And I want you to know, I do, I do

today is the last day of school for saints! hooray? i dun feel any sense of rejoice, haiz cos still got PW and esp Alvl GSC. but celebrations today was not bad, cos its also mrs lim's last day as an educator, so this morning after chapel, we had a series of performances for mrs lim, band's performance was short but sweet, saw the many new faces of band and i must say they played well! the problem with today is that the stage was almost owned by the SFC! lolz esp the johnny depp and timothy guy...i think they appeared 3 or 4 times, see until sianz. other than that everything's great. too bad table tennis didnt prepare anything, we werent even notified to do anything. sometimes i feel table tennis is too insignificant a CCA in sajc, even though we're amongst the top 4 teams in singapore, we're hardly recognised in school, if u ask me, i believe its due to poor leadership.

feeling kind of confused since yesterday, you know, like when u hear a news which u cannot believe, but yet was told it was true, then u were trying desperately trying to find an explanation for everything thats happening around you, and what u were taught since young totally goes against what happened. i really dunno whats gng on in this world. wheres the justice, wheres the fairness, wheres the sensitivity, wheres the compassion, where are we?

this world we're living has little difference from the situation in Battle Royale, just that there's no visible violence and blood shed. but in fact, the greatest menace are blood shed behind our sight. this is a world which we are not allowed to fail, not allowed to make mistakes, because whatever u do will follow you forever. like myself, i've failed myself so many times even though my life is just beginning to unfold, and needless to say i believe all these failures will follow me forever, there's no way to deny that at some time of ur life, u fail, u were defeat, but whats impt is that u stood up strong again. life is like a paper on the typewriter, you are the typist, one wrong letter typed cannot be erased, but u gonna continue typing to finish the story. hopefully after people read finish ur story, they will understand the mistakes made in some parts of the story, and it doesnt affect the overall reading pleasure, thats life.

of cos these things are easier said than done, but standing up from where u fall, and coming back strong is the most impt skill we must learn as we struggle in this world. no one can help us stand up, no matter how much ppl try to pull you up, u will not be able to stand up again if u have too much regrets and anger, they will forever weigh u down. so whenever we fall, its impt to get rid of all the negative thoughts, so that u'll be free to fly up high again. we WILL make our mark definitely, as long as we believe it will happen!

so now i believe i will get an A for GSC! i chose to take one yr, and its my fav subj in jc, so i'll not let myself down again, i know i fail myself by getting only an A for chinese PSLE, and A2 for HCL olvls, i WILL not let history repeat itself, its time to show the world where my chinese standard really is.

holidays has actually started for us liaoz, but theres still much work to be done, we cannot rest yet, thats the life of JC students, sad?? i dunno

on saturday night...

2007-10-20T23:45:00.000+08:00

recorded a new song with the same name as the title of the post, original by leehom, check it out! imeem player is getting lousy these days, loading time very slow also, pause the music first to load if its too slow, just like youtube!

been listening quite a number of english songs these days, from latest hit like james blunt and michael buble, to oldies like elton john and bryan adams, im starting to appreciate english songs. i dun really like all the pop english songs with all the vulgar languages and weird languages, in fact im loving english classics like Your Song by elton john, its simply wonderful song which i can play on the guitar, most impt it has meaningful lyrics. i was watching david tao's concert in 2001, he sang one of his fav song, One Last Cry, it totally rocked! the lyrics and tune fits nicely and had perfectly constructive inference with the frequency of my brainwaves. so i felt i must share it with everyone, im totally touched by the lyrics...

One Last Cry

My shattered dreams and broken heart
Are mending on the shelf.
I saw you Holding hands,
standing close to someone else.
Now I sit all alone,
wishing all my feeling was gone
I gave my best to you
Nothing for me to do
But have one last cry.

One last cry
Before I leave it all behind.
I gotta put you out of my mind
This time, stop living a lie.
I guess I'm down to my last cry.

I was here, you were there,
Guess we never could agree.
While the sun shines on you,
I need some love to rain on me.
Still I sit all alone,
wishing all my feeling was gone
Gotta get over you,
nothing for me to do
But have one last cry.

One last cry,
Before I leave it all behind.
I gotta put you out of my mind
This time, stop living a lie.
I know I gotta be strong, cuz 'round me
Life goes on and on and on and on

I'm gonna dry my eyes
Right after I have my
One last cry.

One last cry,
Before I leave it all behind.
I gotta put you out of my mind
For the very last time been living a lie.
I guess I'm down, I guess I'm down,
I guess I'm down.......
I guess I'm down......
to my last cry........

this past week was occupied with PW, PW and more PW. thursday we even worked for 15 hours and until 8pm at school to finish. but i feel we finished in a haste and even i myself can find obvious flaws in the WR, which wasnt corrected in the end, its time to pray. even though i did PW until wanna puke, but thats only in school, im still quite slack at home, kinda attracted to DotA these few days cos my PW mate was playing it, played a few games at home followed by my usual NBA live 07-ing. so i didnt really had any sleepless nights, i wonder if i will get retribution by doing that...i hope not!

havent started studying for GSC yet...even though i keep telling myself to start, same problem eveytime, brain wanna start but heart not listening. Alvls is less than 3 weeks from now, if i want an A i better start working now and practive my compre speed and read up on current affairs, we'll never know what might come out.

training is being missed by me! haha but i'll have to wait till OP ends, its being postponed and postponed, sianz. i only have nov to train with my team, after that i will return to xiamen and find my coach for intensive training. well, in china is where the REAL training start, next year is probably is last competition im gng to join with a TT team, so its my last chance to prove my worth, if i dun work hard and catch up with the rest i wouldnt be able to play again, and i'll end my tt team career without any competition memory. so i wouldnt disapoint myself, i will train to my best of ability in china and with the help of my beloved coach, i'll hopefully improve enough.

my tt career ended quite quickly, unlike my teammates whom played since primary school, i only started in sec 2 and didnt had the chance to play for xinmin, so SAJC is my first team, and it will all end next yr, so i will only have 2 seasons to play, which is quite short. my only regret is not starting tt earlier, but other than that im happy to be with SATT and win my first medal in my first yr, its great to be in a team where i face challenges, but overcome-able obstacles.

post exam is really damn sianz, nth much to do except PW, all the rest are busy with it too, so i cant jio any ppl out to happy. ironically, im spending more money than 2 mths combined, thanks to all the expensive outings and PW meetings at fastfood chains. i envy those who are enjoying their post exams and yet have enough money for lunch...haha. i believe those ppl who feel rejoiced after promos are those ppl who really put in alot of effort to study, of cos i dun belong.

after promos some ppl might also be feeling sad, cos they will not be able to see some ppl in the same class anymore...lucky for me and my class, the whole class will be together next yr, we had 100%, and i think we're top 3 class for both econs and maths, hopefully that'll make us one of the top classes in SAJC. haha scholars class is really no play play, i thought we wouldnt do so well cos we screwed CT, but i think everyone bucked up and chiong all the way for promos, except me la, still slow and easy, but this time i won the game...hahaz. next yr is what i anticipated for, the crucial yr where i will repeat my Olvls miracle, all is aimed at that one exam, i'll probably to working on it thru the holidays, since im gng back quite late.

this yr i decided to go back to china only at the start of dec, becos theres many things to settle over here and i dun feel a need to stay in china for so long. lets see, after PW i have GSC Alvl, after that got class chalet, then open house, then end of nov i will be overseeing the xms SL intensive camp which we planned, so i dun think my nov days will be eventless, hopefully. this yr royston might be able to visit xiamen with me, which is what i really hope for cos all these years i've been in china alone in the day, with no where to hang out cos everyone is either studying or working. if royston is able to come along we might be planning to visit several cities, like fuzhou, shanghai, and hongkong. i really wanna go hongkong cos it seem quite happening and i wanna play the roller coaster and all those extreme theme parks! lol

my brothers are all doing well in life, i see them becoming more and more complete as the days past by, leaving me still having a big void in my heart. lol...i dunno should i feel sad or happy, kinda mixed feelings. of cos i feel extremely for my brothers, but i feel terribly sad for myself, haiz my lack of determination. i might seem to be confident, determined, enthusiastic, spontaneous etc.. at times, but other times im actually quite indecisive, hesitant, cowardy, undetermined etc i also what type of person i am la, but due to whatever reason the void in my heart is not filled, still feeling empty when i am alone and back track abt my past. im yet to find someone or something i'll die for, which means i have not lived yet, but i cant understand the idea of dying for something, i always think if i cant do it, there's always another chance another time, or another alternative. this shows a lack of determination, sometimes its impt to stick to something u really believe in and not let anything change ur mindset, im still trying to learn that.

the next 2 to 3 weeks will be GSC weeks, i will spend some of my time doing compres and reading, and probably writing in chinese. and i have been trying to preserve my voice, its time to start singing regularly cos when i go china i will not be singing that often, which will make my vocals go rusty. i always hope to use my voice to express my feelings, as a way to destress, and hopefully touch other ppl. started composition not long ago, has got the basic tune settled, but the lyrics is still not composed. hard to believe right? i can write thousand of words in a blog but cant think of the content of my lyrics, but i cant help it, i need to really write my true feelings into the song, im not a contract composer and i dun compose for the sake of composing...lol more impt im still a newb, so nvm being slow..hahaha

well, hope everyone will perservere thru this final lap of PW, and jiayou for chinese Alvls if u have. after that HAPPY HAPPY-ing ppl! haha and dun forget to jio me out for outing when there's one, im always free and available!

to my brothers...

2007-10-16T01:50:00.000+08:00

almost 2 and i still cant get into the sleepy mood, as usual...so many things i ought to be doing right now but my heart isnt listening to my brain, so here i am blogging away happily, while praying i will wake up on time tmr morning...

many things have happened since i last blogged, and the ram in my pentium 1 brain cannot load the memories out right now, at least not every thing that i experience. should i say that this world is spinning around and around without any regards to whether we can keep up with the pace or not.

i wanna touch on one important issue which affects everyone of us, whether u have it or not. its DESIRE. one funny thing i observed while on the bus 88 today: when the bus drove to a stop outside RI, about 80% of the passengers turned their heads towards the RI main gate and stared at it until the bus drove away...when i look into their eyes...i wonder whats gng on in their minds. then when the bus stopped outside catholic high, no one gave a second glace in the cat high campus and the bus sped away. it might be a coincidence, but i doubt so...its the mentality people have, the desire to get the things you didnt. what went through MY mind when i saw RI? you might ask, in my mind i was saying, "if only i had work hard enough..." but verbally i will say, "RI nia!" lol see our reaction creates humor? i dunno if this is true for everyone, but im just being true to myself. we always desire things which we cannot attain, or didnt attain. but at least for myself, i feel that i look way too far, and forgot about the things around me, its good to aim big, but when u cant achieve it, learn to cherish the things u have around, this will make life much happier to go through...i hope i really think that way...cos i dun

promos is finally over, actually it was over long ago...but post promos period didnt turn out as fun as it was anticipated. its probably bcos i did not work hard enoigh for promos ba, slacked too much so pre and post promos seem indifferent. getting back the last 2 papers tmr, hope i will do well, cos now i havent reach 35 points yet. many ppl around me are doing very well, which is a good thing, but a bad news for me, bcos it shows that im under-performing. its time to start revising this year's work all over again, understand all the concepts and attempt the TYS, now its full force towards A levels, heck school standards liaoz, o that reminded me something: to register for SAT, though i am a bit lazy to take it this yr, think i flunk it...

have been asking myself many questions these days, and began thinking in another direction, this allowed me to understand many things in a new light. but sometimes i think we should just stop thinking so much, and carry on with life, taking on every obstacle as they arise, and not cracking our heads to think of possible problems. this way might give us a F for PW, but it'll definitely make our life an EE. true enough, life will be much easier without all the possible limitations and hesitations.

some ppl keep talking about what they wanna do, what they hope to do but have not done, what they want to be...etc i hope all those wishes are from the bottom of our hearts. as we busy ourselves everyday, i realize that i gradually lost touch with my dreams and ambitions, i forgotten what i wanted to be, wanted to do, because there's too many "impossibility". when we use our logic thinking to evaluate something, there's always something that is impossible, it is only when we stop thinking so much and just do it, impossible will be nothing. but our logic mind is stopping us from doing what we really want, thats the sad fact in life.

i always tell my friends that i wanna study architecture, i wanna follow my family's footsteps and continue the family business, but deep down in side, i actually dunno if this is really what i want. bcos i choose this path merely bcos nothing interest me and architecture is the only route i can possibly take. all my interests, are impossible to sustain my livelihood in the future.

i rmb as a kid, i had many many interests, i loved to draw and i loved kungfu, but i stopped doing all that long time ago, and its impossible for me to survive with drawing or kungfu. i also love singing but lazy to learn music, and its so impossible to be a singer these days. i also aspired to be a lawyer, but my GP sucks, i wanted to be a doctor, but now i dun take BIO or CHEM, i wanna be a gamer but i suck at WARCRAFT, i wanna be a programmer but i was intimidated with COMPUTING. i think its just my personality, not able to focus and work towards what i want. my friends often ask me the same qns, do you wanna be a singer? my answer is always no, but i wouldnt reject if theres a chance. the fact is nth in this world really interest me right now, like everyone, i just wanna have fun all day long, and my hobbies are singing and tabletennis, but i am good at nth, so its impossible to make a career out of anything.

as my uncle said to be last time: you cant do what u like, im not doing what i like. but you need to earn the $$! true enough, my uncle is not a architect major, he majored in COMPUTING! lol but now he's surviving on interior design, it is definitely not what he like to do, but it brings him $$. mayeb that why i am studying my life away right now, bcos i can do nth else, in order to survive, we have to do what is beneficial to us, and not what really appeals to us. look what kind of world we live in!

NEED and WANT, thats the two major factor in life.

have been going out quite often these days, spent all my $$ for this mth away liaoz...so now im offically broke, i'll go into poverty mode once again! thanks to all the PW meetings at mac, SL meetings at MAC too! TT team outings, KTV outing and other random but expensive outings. sometimes i really dunno where all my $$ gone to, it seems to disappear as soon as i put it in my wallet. time to manage $$ properly liaoz...

its great to hear my ex-classmates to be doing well in their studies, and most impt, enjoying their life. of cos there's some incidents here and there, but no worries. maybe i shall be abit more critical over here, i hope mr fu and mr shou dun mind my straightforwardness. cos sadly, all three of us did not perform to our very best.

to mr fu, i know you dun read my blog, lol, but i shall say nevertheless, you are the smartest among us, one of the real genius among the friends i know, but u havent been putting ur intelligence to the susposely right place. i used "susposely" bcos i feel u should be studying, but i know u might feel that other things in life are more impt. but i dun worry for u, bcos i have confidence in you, i know u know what u are doing, and u'll definitely do the right things at the right time, and you'll turn out to be a successful person.

to mr shou, it was a shock to me to be frank, i didnt expect it, i believe little did u expect it from urself. but what done cannot be undone, i dun think its game over for u...FAR FROM IT! rather than studying, i thinking its time to review ur efforts this year and find a more efficient way to apply ur efforts. you are someone who can really study, the most studious among us three, but there's a diff between able to study, and able to take test. but no worries, bcos i believe u understand even more than i do, and u'll find ur path very soon, given ur diligence and great attitude, you'll definitely rise above the rest to do us proud, u've already done me proud in many things liaoz..lol

i say until like i very pro liddat, critisize u alll lidddat, lol i hope u all understand my rational behind it, its not that im trying to gei kiang or act smart, its just my true thoughts. im someone whose stuck in between the two of u, maybe thats why we're fu lu shou, as lu im suspose to be stuck in the middle. i do not have the wit of mr fu, little do i have the diligence of mr shou, thats what make me in a diff position. i have seriously underperformed as well, none where near good, and what i should do is try to learn from u guys and empower myself, stay focused and work hard towards A levels. even though we're walking diff paths, i belive they all leads us to success, we will work hard together and soon we will reunit infront of the door of success.

its hard to be lovers, but its harder to be friends, i strongly believe in that, thats why i try my utmost best to cherish everyone around me, even though sometimes i seem to be not doing that. while seeking to fill my other half, friends are the supporting pillars, its great to be with so many great ppl, both in xinmin and in sajc.

currently theres many task on hand, the most impt will be GSC Alvls, then there's also PW. apart from that im also busying planning SL intensive camp for my beloved xinmin junior SLs, first time the school gave u such a heavy responsibility, but i willingly accepts it. im not someone who's strict by nature, even though i was incharge of discipline, my friends wil know that im actually a very lax person...lol so when the teachers ask us to make the camp " physically and mentally tough" my other SLAB members began to plan a torture camp...makes me worry for my juniors, however worry not cos as long as im there, i'll TRY to spare as many of u from torture as possible..hahaz cant wait for 29 nov to 2 dec man...

to that someone up there, thank you for everything during promos, give me luck during this final lap of the year...thanks!

shall we talk...

2007-10-11T00:01:00.000+08:00

my old writings on an old book from yester years...

这一生也在进取

这分钟却挂念谁

我会说是唯独你不可失去好风光

似幻似虚

谁明人生乐趣

我会说为情为爱仍然是对

谁比你重要

成功了败了也完全无重要

谁比你重要

狂风与暴雨都因你燃烧

一追再追

只想追赶生命里一分一秒

原来多麽可笑

你是真正目标

一追再追

追踪一些生活最基本需要

原来早不缺少

有了你即使平凡却最重要

好光阴纵没太多

一分钟那又如何

会与你共同渡过都不枉过

疯恋多错误更多

如能从新做过

我会说愿能为你提前做错

这是一首绝世名曲, 我已看了他的歌词好多遍了. 这首歌的词完美的将我心中的话说出来了, 与其我用长篇大论阐述, 还不如通过这首歌, 更容易理解.

的确，我们这一生中, 忙忙碌碌, 到底是在追什么？为了知识, 为了成绩, 为了金钱, 为了成功...可我们是否因此将最纯真的我们，真正的梦想，丢在路边了呢?

到底成功的定义在哪里?

我们又如何知道何时可以停止匆匆忙忙的生活，何时知道满足呢?

人类就是逃不过一个“贪”

我们是不是让“贪”统治了“爱”呢?

如何得到和平和快乐？

金钱，不能。

政治，不能。

只有爱可以。

love can...

“请你说我们为何变成陌路人的模样. 请你说还有什么比沈默更难堪. 难道互相隐藏就能避免了失望? 表白有什么可怕, 请你别怕为难不要拐弯. 屏幕闪亮两个人一起看, 什么都不谈只敢打声官腔, 情侣的晚餐白开水一样淡, 宁愿面对着一部电脑无事忙. 情侣都善于说谎, 大人都只会向前看. 为什么天南地北不能互相体谅? 蟋蟀对着螳螂有什么东西好说? shall we talk shall we talk 好让我们重新认识别隐瞒. 请你说, 请你说出心里难以承受的伤. 不能说? 除非我们早已忘记了爱的力量. 聊天只能假装, 表情需要勉强. 何必把这种遗撼带到未来的天堂?”

“未来属于那些相信他们美好梦想的人” -- 艾林诺.罗斯福

一个追求自己梦想的人，有错吗？

可是我

有梦想吗？

能达到吗？

人人都笑我好高骛远，梦想不现实，可是我要证明给世界看

一次的失败不代表永远的失败

一次的成功也不代表永远的成功

唯一不变的就是，人因梦想而伟大

一人一生，一追再追，何时了？

我只想知道何时能停下脚步，和心爱的人共享生命

我只想知道我们何时能停止仇恨，停止歧视，停止互相伤害，一起共享世界的美妙

可能吗？

我的梦想...

2007-10-01T02:50:00.000+08:00

太变态了,简直受不了了...现在读书简直就是慢性自杀,自我虐待.我快要疯了,有没有人救救我啊~

本来我还在考虑要不要放弃物理,刚刚做了12题MCQ, 就有8题不会！还耗了我2小时，不断翻书。翻啊翻啊...可始终找不到答案，真是气死我了!不知道是我太笨，还是SAJC的讲义太滥。我越做越想吐了，那种临考前发现自己会做题目的感觉真得很不好受。我如果放弃物理，经济和数学有把握几个吗？未知数太多了，我不敢乱下定论，不过真是令人忧心啊。。。我不要留级！

已经3点了，我还是难以入睡，一想到自己没做的复习，就一脑子混乱。我是着回想去年O水准的时候我是如何读书的，可我好像已经想不起来了。我现在感觉自己是个从未读过书的人，面对一桌子的书山，不从何下手。读书对我似乎变得陌生了，还是以前的那个宋俣川已被我留在了新民中学？我虽然肉体离开了新民，可精神依旧留在那个又小又破，却比任何学校都华丽的新民？现在的我，只是一个空壳子...
为什么？可能是我把自己忘在了新民，也可能...我的灵魂已在SAJC被淘空了，im now a song without a soul...

最近很矛盾，当初我来SAJC的目的就是为了离开“新民式”的环境，重新开始我的生命，少到一个全新的自己，我可现在的我却渴望找回自己。每次想到我的朋友们在TJC，在NYJC过得多莫融洽，自在，反观我自己在SAJC不但没发现新的自己，还丢失了原来的我。我好想念“新民式”的生活啊，好后悔选择了SAJC，好渴望找回我自己。。。

可我在哪里？没有人能回答我，我只能默默过这现在的生活，期待离开学校的那一天。可那一天似乎离我越来越遥远了。

我本以为在SAJC，我拥有一群相处融洽的朋友，我本以为在这里我会找到心灵的滋养，我本以为在这里我会拥有色彩缤纷的生活。可一切都是我痴人妄想罢了，朋友离的离，散的散，分的分，SAJC的走廊如今是多么的陌生，不是我用文字可以形容的。

这一切又是谁的错？是我的错？还是你的错？不。这不是任何人的错，这只是老天和我玩的一场游戏。每个人一生都要经历不少挫折，不经历风雨如何见彩虹？论古今成败之林，其何以成何以败，曰：“有毅力者成，反是者败。”而人生逆多顺少，互相交错，幸大逆之后必有大顺，人生依旧充满希望。

我明白了一个道理：人生的悲欢，其实全看你的选择。未来的生活中，我们都要慎重做出选择，不能莽撞！

有一个伟人曾经说过：“if you have not found something that you're willing to die for, you have not lived.” 我们的一切梦想，什么4As, 当医生，当歌手，赚一百万，荣华富贵。。。其实都虚无缥缈，因为人生的快乐根本不是建立在那些东西上面，那只是增加快乐的因素，可快乐产生的源泉是什么？我以前不明白，以为成功，胜利，财富是我生活的目标，可我现在明白了，目标固然重要，可如果身边没有人和你分享你成功的果实，你是无法快乐的。翻过来，就算你一无所有，这要有心爱的在身边一起同甘共苦，就不会觉得痛苦，而且一块就能雨过天晴。这，就是爱的力量。爱，才是快乐的源泉。

爱很简单，只是常被我们忽略，因为我们长期被物质的追求和成功抹黑了视线。连我自己也无法理解如何去爱，因为身边有太多约束，太多顾忌了。我也不会爱，造成了严重的遗憾。

可一切都来得及，不要放弃，因为故事还没结束，我的生命。。。还有着许许多多未翻开的页面，许许多多未揭晓的故事，等待着我去探索。你也是一样，我们每个人都有着一万种可能。

从物理讲到生命，还真不容易啊。。哈哈我现在舒服多了，将心中的怨气和愁绪写出来，真得让人轻松了很多。现在在看陶喆最新的《康熙来了》访谈，心情更是愉快，不说了。。。考试后见！看我明年在JC2吧！

SEE WHAT SHOW: The Invasion

2007-09-27T02:37:00.000+08:00

GP is finally over!! yay i shant comment on the GP paper or how well i will do, i believe all SAINTS will have the SAME opinion as me...and THATS exactly what my post this time round is going to be about! AND since GP is over, i can leave my angmo aside until november 9, when i finish my GSC A Levels exams! its time to think and write in CHINESE again! 1, 2, 3...好的开始咯！先看看下面这幅海报。。。
你会不会觉得有点奇怪？甚至有点毛骨凁然？他的确是部恐怖片哦！了解我的人应该知道我最不喜欢看恐怖片了，可这次我不但自愿看，而且还是一个人在凌晨1点多看哦！哈哈*拍手* 其实我是被电影的宣传片吸引，因为我觉得这部电影充满了哲理，有别于普通的恐怖片，它不只是吓吓那么简单哦！

其实这部电影并不恐怖，介于恐怖片和科幻片之间，常看恐怖片的你可能不以为然。我今年还蛮走运的，看的每一部电影都蛮有意义的。我喜欢一个人在家里看电影，因为这样才能得到启发。

故事由“爱国者”太空飞船坠落开始，一种不明的细菌开始传开。这是一种只有在睡觉的时候才会发作的病毒，中毒者只要睡一觉，醒来后就会成为一个样子不变，记忆不变，却毫无感情的人。起初中毒的人不多，没人理会，政府也极力掩盖科学家的发现，将病毒形容为“流感病毒”。主角nicole kidman是一名心理医生，有一天他的一名病人告诉她“我的老公不是我的老公！”，NK感到奇怪，可没有多虑，可是怪事接二连三的发生。NK离婚3年的老公突然要见孩子，一名女子无端端在告诉公路上乱跑，喊着“救命！他们来了！”，NK的儿子也和朋友说“我爸爸有点奇怪”。随着中毒的人越来越多，这群“病人”越来越猖狂，只要发现没被感染的人就会将他们抓起来，并将病毒转给他们，使他们也成为一分子。影片的一半我们就能看到满街走的人豆面无表情，待人虚伪，只要你表露一丝感情，他们就一拥而上，把病毒转给你。NK发现这些“病人”是毫无情感的，所以只要自己不表露感情，他们就无法发现她，所以她就如此瞒天过海，试图找回被前夫拐带的儿子，不幸她最后还是感染了病。可她知道只要不睡觉就不会“转变”成“病人”，所以强迫自己不睡觉，也在家的墙壁上写上“don't sleep, don't go home, i'll find you, mom.”因为她深怕儿子也感染了病毒。故事的最后，NK和他的儿子顺利获救，科学家们也研制出了抗止病毒的方法，其中一个科学家在片尾说的一句话值得我们深思: dun ask me qns, pick up a newspaper! for better or for worse, we're humans again.

不要笑我，看完这电影的那晚，我真的在梦中梦见我是身在电影里的一个人，走在街道上极力掩盖自己的感情，装作好像机器人一样，感觉好真实啊！可能是这部电影对我的感染太深了，还是我胆太小了！哈哈！

我认为故事主要有2个层面可以分析，社会和政治。可他对社会的看法让我有比较多的共鸣。片中一名外交官说道：“don't you agree that no matter how civilised we are today, we are unable to get rid of the animal instinct in us, and all of us are capable of committing the least desirable things when the we're put under the circumstances.” 我无法不认同他的说法，看看我们周围的世界吧！你觉得我们很发达，很先进，很高尚吗？事实是在华丽的面纱背后隐藏的，是我们永远无法磨灭的兽性，那种欺善怕恶，自私自利，卑鄙无耻的心态。它存在于我们每个人心中，只是我们不断地在克制它，不将它释放出来，可只要环境允许，我们的本性就会透露，看过Battle Royale的人应该明白这一点。就像我们学生无形的竞争，有形的比赛，我们只不过是生活在一个有电源，有网络，有麦当劳的高科技森林罢了，我们无法逃避弱肉强食，你死我活的社会现实。

再看看片中的“病人”，他们和我们又有何分别？路上的行人，哪一个不是面无表情，脚步匆忙。回到家里，你回和家人说几句话？在饭桌上会聊什么话题？我们的亲人到底有多“亲”呢？再回到我最开头写道的，现在的人还有“独特”可言吗？每个人对一样事物的看法都大同小异，有多少人会多动动脑筋？多思考？我们是不是都成了金钱和权力的奴隶，或是现代社会培育出来的“机器人”呢？就如影片中一样，人人思想都一样没什么不好，社会进步的会更快，没有战争和仇恨，可这是你我想要的生活吗？这是我们这个社会想要得吗？

我并不想给这部片子戴上政治的面纱，可是我也无法遮掩它隐含的政治气息。故事里的“病人”就好像生活在共产主义下的人民，思想完全一致，毫无你我之分，而且深信他们的世界是最好的。这里似乎有讽刺共产主义的意思。我就算不是中国人也会说，导演大错特错了！生活在共产主义下的人民不是没有情感，思想单一的！反之，他们有着浓浓的乡情和亲情，也有着自己的生活和想法，只使他们有着同样的信仰，就好像信仰基督教一样，看看朝鲜人你就会明白了。

我觉得我写的乱七八糟，不知道你看得懂吗。。。哈哈不过谢谢你看到这里！不容易啊！*拍手* 不过这部电影真的值得一看，看了就会明白我的意思。我的华语真的需要再进步，写一篇影评都写不好。。。嗨。。

NOW SHOWING: Culinary Club VS MASSES

2007-09-22T00:33:00.000+08:00

thanks to the lovely maths test(all chapters), i had study from scratch thru the night and still had time to take a satisfying 1hour nap b4 heading to school. amazing, just like what happened to me last week, i survived the whole day of school and after-school activities without falling aslp during anyone of them. and LUCKY for me, i might already be sick, but i didnt get SICKER! hooray for JC life!

today's a HAPPY day! no comments about how will i do for maths test or how the last day of proper lessons went. academics aside, today's great! firstly its my cassandra mei's bday! secondly i was late without being caught for a THIRD time! thirdly i had SPRINGROLLS and GREENBEAN for breakfast! forthly i said sayonara to EOM once and for all! fifthly CULINARY CLUB is finally set up proper and recruited our first batch of members! and lastly and most importantly...I WENT BACK TO XINMIN!

fate brought me back to xinmin today. after my culinary club founding members' outing at TP today, GJ and i went home together, and we took 159, which i seldom take cos it will take me at least half and hour to reach home from TP, but i forgot this fact today. so i stole the time on the bus to catch a quick shuteye, i think sometimes...simple pleasures in life is all that we need to be happy, just like how i LOVE long bus rides when im sleepy, i feel so shiok to sit at the back of the bus, where i could get a perfect posture for sleeping, and the bus nvr seem to reach my house. but today there was something extra, i saw 2 xinmin students, one of them my SLB junior rehearsing MC scripts on the bus. and omg they were NERVOUS man, can tell straight from the way they're speaking, but thats not the point. i asked and got informed about xinmin's mid-autumn festival celebration that night! and i was totally clueless about it until that point of time. so i did not hesitate to dash home, bathed and chionged back to my second home, XMS!

the foyer of xinmin was unusually brightly lited when i entered the ever-so-homely school compound, saw many of my junior SLs helping out with the booth selling mooncakes and stuff, many other juniors were stationed at their respective duty location, so i leaped into the hall at the 2nd floor, the first teacher i saw was exactly the teacher i desired to see most, ms tee, and beside her ms phan, as soon as they saw me, ms tee said,"o my the little white face is here! hahah quickly go sit at the vip seats!" and pointed towards the seats at the front of the hall. but i took a detour and walked from the back of the hall, at the last sit behind the hall i saw cai lao shi sitting alone, so i greeted her and sat down. the hall seemed brighter than when i was in xinmin, maybe its bcos i didnt return too long liao, and man i feel old...first bcos that night's activity was a combined performance with xinmin sec and xinmin primary, so i could see little kids jumping up and down, and secondly when i looked at the crew and cast, i could barely recognise 5 names, in the past i could easily match 99% of the names to faces...haha time really flies, now the people incharge are all the sec 3 and 2, which in my memories...are still kids feeling lost during their sec1 orientation. anyways the performances and games were very innovation, definitely an EE, but the execution part was abit messy. the urshers and AVA crew were also not very efficient, to the extent poor old cai lao shi had to move chairs and stand near the cables, so i had no choice but to go personally to the urshers and ask them to mobilise their manpower. then cai lao shi and i discussed about chinese and poems until the end of the performances. after that there was this "lantern walk" thingy so all of us when down, i was feeling out of place with all the strangers around when charmaine came to talk to me, and im so grateful to have someone to chitchat with, if not i was look and feel so out of place with all the primary school kids around. after we went to the balcony garden for buffet and there i met many juniors and continue chitchatting with them regarding jc life and so on. after helping them clear up the place and talking to some teachers, i went back with a sense of contentment in my heart. even though i had only one hour of sleep, returning back to xinmin provided me with more relaxation and rest then sleeping at home.

today's performance reminded me that i was one of the founding member of xinmin's mid-autumn concerts, back at year 2005, when i was sec 3. i still could clearly rmb how we set up the teahouse in the canteen, planned all the performance ourselves and selling the tickets...haha it was really fun because we had no one to help us, so we had to think of "home-made" performances. i was the MC cum performer, together with malong we performed a cross-talk...its really memories that wouldnt be erased. and ms phan as usual came to me today and start her emotional speech about my past in xinmin, this brought back many memories of xinmin for me too, both happy and unhappy. ms phan said the teachers were worried that i couldnt survive well in xinmin friends cos of my careless tongue, but even though i am casual with my comments, im also casual regarding other ppl's comment about me, so i dun bear grudges against anyone in school, and i am know what i want in life, so i wouldnt let other ppl's comment affect me. and in the end i survived xinmin quite happily in the end. and yea what she said is very true, and it makes me think about myself now, am i the same person i used to be? well of cos i still dun bear grudges and tend to be careless with speeches, but do i know what i want in life right now? i think nowadays im too concerned with how people look at me, and how i present myself infront of people, causing actions which i do which are not from my true intentions. so here i shall remind myself not to forget my ultimate goal in life, and thats to earn my first million at age 30 and retire at 35! so to do that i must study hard now and work hard always, money will be the biproduct! shouldnt care much abt other things which doesnt contribute to this goal.

things hasnt been going on quite smoothly in class. on wednesday my CT gave my name to the DM bcos of my "long" hair, i seriously feeled very betrayed. all my life my teachers around me helps us, not only in studies but in coping with schoollife too, i nvr seen any teacher who would wish their students get into trouble, bcos both parties do not stand to gain anything. my hair is not even long compared to many other guys in school and no other teachers comments on it except my CT, and i dun understand why must he always pick on me when it comes to hair, its like he's crazy about my hair and scrutinize it so thoroughly everyday. its not like i want to purposely keep long hair, i cut my hair regularly too. he says he dun want me to create any trouble for him...but who is creating problem for who right now? who is the one who complain about me to the DM? and whats worse...putting words in my mouth, accusing me of saying things i didnt, exagerating things JUST to make sure the DM wants to see me. maybe he feels shiok that i am in trouble. maybe he just dislike me, for what reasons i dunno. i never seen a teacher, esp form teacher liddat one, who purposely make life difficult for me, its totally disgusting. if i can be on good terms with all teachers except one, where does the problem lie? in me or in that teacher? i hope i didnt offend anyone, and i dun think i made any personal attacks, this IS my blog, i just cant contain this displeasure.

my flu is getting better now, but my voice havent recover yet, at the start of the weeks i was even worse. but i still had to MC the sajc mooncake festival performance thingy, which was so messy, lucky its over. i was having a hard time talking properly and i think i throw up alot of crap, haha sorry both arts and science fac CL students, i hope you enjoyed urself though. one thing i want to comment about is the attitude towards chinese amongst jc students, esp sajc. its hurts when i see chinese students speaking chinese with difficulty or detesting chinese, and whats worse, they look down on chinese, and YET their GP is no where near good. this just goes to show what type of education they are put through, totally no sense of identity at all. singapore students should be proud about being able to use both english and chinese, and not reject chinese, come on englishman speaks english, frenchman speaks french, and we chinese speaks chinese! we should be proud of using our own language! i think the biggest failure in a person, is not being able to appreciate their own culture and language, and blindly follow what they believe to be "of a higher class". seriously im very dissapointed by the neglect of chinese among many jc students, not all la of cos.

classroom politics is the "in" right now. last time 5 of my class's girls made up the only one ruling party in my class, the MASSES, they controled the treasury of the class and their party objective is: i dunno. lol so we guys officially Culinary Club and currently we've already taken over as the ruling party, our objective is to share good food with each other and appreciate the good tasting food around. LOL so yea both MASSES and Culinary Club will be recruiting! take ur sides now! or you can also start ur own third opposition party..hahah...

i almost 24 hours nvr sleep liaoz...lol this week is very eventful and promos is coming soon, i will definitely make sure i promote, its time to start studying intensively...then u must be wondering why am i still blogging? haha cos monday is GP!! and writing improve GP! yay all the best for the exams everyone!

16/9 RE:mess, mess and more mess

2007-09-16T00:47:00.000+08:00

first week of term 4 just past me by, like a breeze so light, too light for me to even sense its depature, but as i stand stagnant at the same spot i was three mths ago, others have already climbed way beyond the limit of my vision, and i could only dwell on the fact of who am i: slack, lazy and no self-discipline. and what i feared most happened: im SICK! again! im losing too much sleep i guess, like merely 1.5 hours to 2 h everyday...it's killing me

the week didnt start off quite nicely for me. Firstly its rained all morning on monday, so i missed my beloved PE and bball sessions, and i had no lessons till 12.30! so i was practically consumed with boredom. spent the first part of the morning slacking at the gallery while helping GJ work out the variable n, but we didnt manage to succed after all. i was so shocked at the way my class is studying, who group using the free morning to mug in the library, and they mugged thru the whole week! while im here blogging...im already way behind everybody, i sincerely hope our class will value-add for promos and become one of the top class. that afternoon i had no randy lesson too, i we dismissed at 2.30...forgot if i got any program that afternoon, so i think i went home to slack, as always...

tuesday got abit luck, it rained madly on my way to school, and i was without an umbrella, but managed to long bang belinda's car to school with pakata, rain stopped as soon as PE started, but PE was so boring that day, we didnt get to play any bball, instead we play friendly with A7, and trashed them upside down! ok i shalll not try to sound so cocky...lol but up till now the only classes we lost to are S13 and S24 i think, for captain's ball, i definitely look forward to a rematch, we will win this time! S-paper is quite a challenge to shawn right now, he's working on it everyday i hope, but i do hope he will eventually get an A. dismissed at 2.30 after H1 lesson, shawn has geog so i left home with GJ.

wednesday i woke up at 7.15am...so obviusly i am late for school, so i took my time to wash up and eat, and reached school at 8.05am liddat, the sidegate was closed liao and im not suspose to be able to enter the school until 12.30, but that day my lesson ends at 12.30, meaning i will have to miss all my lessons, thus i climbed in to school thru the side gate fences, lucky no one caught me in actions except those members of the public hahaz. had some stupid survey that afternoon and moon cake festival rehearsal in the afternoon, so stayed back to study in the library awhile then went to busy myself. mooncake festival is soo screwed up, whole of CRC only me and chuchu were present, and the ppl who planned the activities were MIA, and the hardcore members were not even involved, i do hopeful mr kwek can see who are the ones really commited in helping him with CRC, and choose the excos wisely.

wed night, or u can say thursday morning was hell. i lied on the bed at 2am, very very tired, and was trying to fall asleep, but strangely, the moment i enter the state of sleep, something wakes me up, and stops me from falling asleep, it seems like i am soo tired, but unable to fall aslp, this continue till 5am, while i fell aslp and woken up repeatly...then i rmb i stepped onto something i shouldnt have outside school another day, so in my semi-concious state of mind, i started to pray and apologize, miraculously, as soon as i did that, i fell aslp immediately. strange. so thursday i was super tired due to 1 hour of sleep, but it was a long day for me, i really had the urge to slack off and sleep during some lectures, but i didnt! surprisingly,i perservered thru the whole day, tutorials lectures consultations...but i was damned pissed with the photocopy lady, i was eagerly trying to get a copy of the maths revision solutions for the test on friday, but she just wouldnt give it to me, she kept insisting i need to get my maths rep to collect foe the whole class, so inflexible...inefficiency- problem of a monopoly market. lucky chuchu brought it with her so i photocopied from her, if not my maths test is GG. o yea thursday was also loan's bday, so we took some pictures during GP

yea you're right, thats mr randy...and he's copied my handsign! haha

some of my randy classmates, i thought the cookie monster looked like mr william lee alot, and look at owen's fingers..lol

got a shock of my life on thursday night/ friday morning. cos i apparently fell aslp at 8pm on thursday, and when i woke up, everything was dark around me and i thought i slept until morning without studying for maths test! but luckyily the clock showed 12am. so there i went, studying maths from scratch until 4.30am, then b4 i barely closed my eyes, the day broke and my alarm sounded. so i got barely 1h of sleep. but to my surprise, i survived the whole day with 1 hour of sleep, assembly test lectures and tutorials! friday afternoon i also went to lucas to see dentist, after that we met pakata at queensway shopping centre to looka t our team jacket, but the design wasnt that attractive so we decided to put it off till new designs appear. even though we didnt get the jacket, it wasnt a wasted trip cos i did alot of catching up with lucas, my double partner, its been a long time since we chatted and got to know each other's juicy secrets! hahaz!

but one week of no sleep didnt come without a price, my throat started to itch on friday and now i totally lost my voice again, and im coughing so much i think im gng to cough out my lungs soon, i slept from 8pm on friday till 12am on saturday, thats like 16hours? but i still felt giddy cos i got a mild fever, so after lunch i slept again, from 4 to 7, thus i apparently slept the whole day, but im not feeling much better after so much sleep, hopefully i'll recover tmr, if not i cannot MC on tuesday and wednesday liaoz...

im not in a right mind now to think, apparent im too giddy..and another reason is im having STM, this past week packed so many events that i cant remember what happened on which day...haiz im really losing track with my life. something i learnt during ME lesson: Life is always understood backwards. and thats sad, bcos we have to make mistakes b4 we learn what is correct, and we have to lose someone b4 we understand how impt they are.

today jasper called me with hongyou's phone to invite me to join xms student leader alumni board, or SLAB...lol reminds me of SLAP. ok what he told me is my junir SLs now are in dire states, and they are not up to standard, so SLAB is formed to prove assistance and training for the slb and excos, and to keep the standard of SLs high, jasper came up with this proposal. and of cos i agreed to join without second thought, as long as xinmin needs me, i will always be there to serve as long as my ability allows, cos i always believes i can nvr contribute back to my school enough to compare with how much xinmin has nurtured me. and its also painful to hear that SLB is facing the danger of collapsing, cos if it does, i had a part to play in it, i hadnt been a very good general secretary at all, i practically slacked thru it, and i still feel this regret till today. but i do not hope to see this SLAB thing being misunderstod by the juniors as a way seniors are using to control the SLB even when we're not xinmin students anymore, cos actually we do not have any power to interfere with xinmin stuff anymore, and by starting up SLAB we are making it so obvious that the present batch of SLs are not capable. and who sets the standard for SLs? are they not meeting the school's standard or OUR standard? i do think sometimes we seniors care for the board too much, to the extend that we always see juniors as not as capable as us, bcos of that we always intervene into their planning and decision, making them forever depending on us. this will result in a weakening board after every generation, bcos 4ever they will be consulting the seniors and when will they start thinking for themselves? i do think that the SLB should be left on its own to solve its own problems, and they should be the ones asking us for help, and not us trying to set up something to help them. the fact is SLB will not collapse in reality, and it has long collapsed in the minds of xinmin students, now its not about how to stop the board from collapsing, its about how to rebuild it. after coming to JC i learnt many new ways leaders can lead and how SLB can operate, and im definitely gng to share these with my beloved SLB back in xinmin, even though i see some negative externalities in SLAB, i still agrees with t to a larger extent and i will definitely play my part, and more impt i will make sure it doesnt go the wrong way, the way which i am fearing now. xinmin here i come!

ok to end off my post, im now lost for words, so i'll use lyrics to expressed my feelings right now, as usual, and at the end i wanna share this little game i played a few days ago, koped from hongyou's blog, its quite funny, so sayonara for now! work hard for promos ppl and may you see me in JC2 next year!

JJlin - Now That She's Gone

girl you know i miss you so

i didn't know you had to go

you've had enough of our distance baby

before i had the chance to say

i'm staying with you

for the rest of my life

don't keep telling me these words

you don't know how much it hurts

and i'll promise you eternity

if you promise me your stay

but now it's too late

i'm no longer the man that i was

i will go on without her

like a fool who's too sure

i'm like a bird who's lost his wings

a fire without its flame

i don't know how to be strong

when my love has to move on

i am a song without a soul

now that she's gone

what's left of us is this song

RULES:
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
-----

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
一个人 - 蔡依琳
(whose that person? lol)

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Cockney Girl - 王力宏
(i depend on my intuition and "feel" in relationships, so i have no preference...but cockney girls?? dun sound nice...too angmo lolx)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
永远的第一天 - 王力宏
(somehow...i hope we can start anew everyday, and let bygones be bygones)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
歌手与模特 - 放大同
(lol yea being a singer has been my dream, but only a dream...model??? erm can i? lolx)

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
RUN 2008 - 信
(YAY!!! motto of all chinese worldwide! run to Beijing for the 2008 Olympics!!)

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
透视 - 罗志祥
(you think i can read ur thoughts? i do hope so but guessing has been my worst game)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Tell Me - 潘玮柏
(lol i dun even know how i think of them seriously)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
分开以后 - 唐禹哲
(i dun have to "think" about it anymore...)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BESTIE?
欲望把眼前的地板铺满 - 张悬
(omg so long name, and which i dunno the meaning...lemmi think, nonono i definitely dun lust for him, im straight! haha)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
迷失表参道 - 张敬轩
(yea i dunno whats going on in her mind, 她是我最想解答的问号)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Just When I Needed You Most - 潘玮柏
(true...)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
好想你 - 王力宏
(nononono why would i ever want to lose anyone and start missing them? but i dun mind becoming someone like wangleehom? haha)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Love Interlude - 放大同
(yay stop.relax.deep a deep breath.walk forth and let love enter our life! lol)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
王八蛋 - 宋俣川
(LOLOLOLOLOL! bastard! and its my version somemore! ...maybe they really think im a bastard...*cant stop LOLing*)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
你看得见钻石 - 欧得洋
(perfect! thats right man! i prefer to dance slow and the song is perfect, love is when you see the diamond in someone when nobody else can)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
其实幸福很简单 - 张栋梁
(does that mean i will die in peace? or i will only find peace after i die?)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
错了再错 - 张栋梁
(omg...so true, this year i've made so many mistakes that it seems that making mistake has became my hobby)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
不懂 - 林俊杰
(yea i fear not knowing stuff, but who dun? especially during exams haha)

i cant believe this, most of them really relevant to the truth about me...some really funny lol...like the one about how my parents think of me haha! but i think my itunes shuffle problem lor...cos no david tao songs hahax, maybe cos i played them too much liaoz.

surprise surprise! lolx....

2007-09-08T04:01:00.001+08:00

i was tidying up junks under my computer table when i found this old cd which i recorded my very first album! i could still vividly rmb how i recorded songs when i just started singing: by playing KTV music on a speaker and placing my mic very very near it, and singing together with the music! haha those happy childhood memories. amongst the 10 songs in the CD i was surprised to see numerous david tao songs(can see how long since i listened to david tao) and even more shocking...jay chou rap songs! (i didnt know i could rap! cos i dun now) so i decided to post it and share my discovery with u!! guess what age i was when i sang these! hahaz and see if got difference (you might have to pause the main music box at the side)

8/9 RE: studies.music.random thoughts

2007-09-08T02:06:00.000+08:00

september holidays is going to be over in less than 48 hours, which means my "study break" is going to end pretty soon. actually i nvr felt so eager to return to school, because now i have countless question i wanna ask my tutors, and numerous concepts i wanna make sure with them too, bcos this sepember holidays has been such a moral dampener for me. actually i spent most of my time sleeping, then the rest doing maths. im super-inefficient, cos i merely finished summation and going on functions when i was totally demoralized by how lousy i was, i really dun feel like studying anymore, its like im totally lost by myself, i hope someone will come and guide me along, im really not a independant learner i guess.

the SAJC notes are so unclear i wonder why did i even bother to read them, and the revision qns is so damn hard i wished i hadnt looked at them, bcos after i get stuck in it its hard for me to get outta it, then comes the solution part, so disorganized...some topics dun even have solutions! come on plz spare a slacker like me some thought, do u think i can do the questions without seeing the worked solutions? i dunno if its possible for my tutor to go thru every single qns in the revision...cos i really dunno a single shit!

makes me miss my maths teachers back in xinmin, its not me wanting to see them...its they come chasing me with a butcher knife, screaming and yelling at me to do my work...lol...it might be crude but it works for a slacker like me, i need constant supervision and yelling from authorities to catch up with work. but honeymoon time is over and im all left by myself...i'll have to either adapt or extinct.

my progress is really very very slow compared to my friends, but i cant help it, things are getting so tough and distractions are becoming more and more attractive...hahaz...

mathematical induction! what a nightmare for me (dont laugh, im dumb ok?) i decided that im too fed up with maths so i started to play with my phone...i really like doze off every 5 min of doing maths? thats like a habit thru so many yrs, its very hard for me to conc on maths, my brain just turns to sleep mode when i see digits..hahaz, but when i do conc on maths, i cant sleep until i solve a really difficult qns(which is any qns for me now) and i cannot conc only on maths, theres still physics, my weakest subject, and econs which im also bottom of the class. i really dun dare to think about retaintion, its haunting me everyday, and yet im doing nth abt it, now im suspose to like mug like a dog right? lol but i am not doing that? whats wrong with me man, do i really want to retain? i need to save myself right now! my standard for myself really dropped drastically, last time im aiming for A1s, now? merely getting 50 marks to achieve a D, and 3 Ds will allow me to promote...what the hell la...why im asking so little from myself now...izzit really reality that i cant do any better? izzit true like what mr lim said, its impossible to get a U in CT and suddenly jump to an A? i really want to say NO! but my brain is telling me "its true"...
this is my table, the table which accompanied me thru the years of studying, since PSLE days till olvls period, and i guess its going to go thru Alvls with me too! infront of the table is all my motivations to study, hahaz...thru the yrs many things have been added in, my SLB photos during sec 2, the "all the best" clip given to me by mrs song during sec 3 end of year, during olvls period there hanged all my goals and the NJ poster, now whats left are some additions of things i cherish much, and of cos my CT progress record and MIT poster! hahaz whats missing in this picture? ME lying flat on the table and snoozing ZZZzzzz....lolz

sometimes i just wanna SLACK! i really stopped using my brains for too long liaoz, now like the gears inside all abit rusty, i cant study for too long without getting distracted. but i still feel lucky to have my guitar to accompany me during my study, so occasionally i could pick it up and play my favourite tunes. currently most played songs are david tao's Katrina and Regular Friends and Catherine...hahaz and of cos practising my bending thru stephanie sun's 一样的夏天.

the sad thing is theres not much good music these days. with david tao gone to film his movie, theres practically nth much to look forward to in the music industry this year and maybe next year too. just got a few new album, including Farenheit's 终极一家EP and 范玮琪-哲学家, also looked out for old albums which i missed, like the complete album of TANK's Fighting生存之道, and 曹格's 格格blue and Superman, even though there are nice songs, but nth of those which will make me "wow!", except maybe one song by tank, which i will talk about later. but wilber pan is coming out his new album on 14/9!! thats something to look forward to, i've already heard one of the songs, i should say even though wilber cant really sing that well, but his some of his songs are really well composed, i meant slow songs like 谢谢，我不怕，我让你走了, Kiss Night...etc i got to hear these songs by watching his concert, really not bad and touching, relevant to me too! hahaz. currently the songs i listen to are mostly "oldies" like wang leehom, 张震岳, 南拳妈妈's new album is also not bad! and of cos david tao! u can really nvr get sick of them, everytime i listen i always have a different feeling, 有一种不一样的感动, i somehow will understand the song in another way. fav TAOism songs right now are 说走就走, 再见以前先说再见, 不爱 and special mention: 追, the lyrics really have deep meanings...你就是我最想解答的问号...

ok enough about music. this holiday quite eventless, except monday went back to school to play bball and attend randy's make-up lesson, then went to subway for lunch. then thursday went to grace house for PW and saw royston's friend Aaron. i really love the HUDC, condo facilities, HDB price! totally awesome! PW is crap, we decided to take waway all our activities and design a new one, hopefully its better this way...

different people have different type of problems, sometimes its really difficult to understand one another, so i believe its near impossible to empathize with someone, u can say "i know" but do u really know? not unless you are really in the exact situation. when communication is closed by force, its is even more difficult for friends to care for each other, then we can only resort to guessing. o and my luck is getting better these days, my guess are becoming more accurate! maybe its true that times and different, people change and ur friends changes too. but izzit the time that changes you, or u who chooses to let time change you? personally thru my short experience in life of 17 years, i have changed the way i think about things and do things as i gain more insights about life, but somethings remain unchanged, like the way i treat my friends with utmost trust and loyalty. i sometimes wonder why so many ppl write on their blog: i hate backstabbers, are there really so many backstabbers out there? i dunno bcos i cannot imagine myself doing that to my frends, i think i am very truthful to friends and i do not hide my feelings, ms tee also said that im "naked" infront of ppl, which could both be good and bad, but thats me i guess...but i do have two sides of personality though, and it changes constantly lolz...but no matter what i still bring about the truest me at this moment to everyone, its just difficult for me to hide my true feelings...i do hope my friends too can take out the masks they are wearing, if they are, and face one another with their truest heart, this way this world will be less scary to live in.

lastly im gng to intro a song by tank! its called 几分之几. its getting late and my eyelids are getting heavier and heavier, so i shall let this song speak my mind,even though not everything is relevant to my thoughts, that also make it more difficult for u to guess what im thinking! haha but its really a very touching song, i'm loving it!! LOL, like always...if u can decipher its true meanings...it means we have the same frequency!

几分之几
歌手：tank 专辑：生存之道

我知道爱曾经被你和我闹得像发了烧

怪不得承诺还没过期就失效

这样也好

一路太精彩结局不该逊掉

虽然我们都因此睡不着

我知道你不敢看我脸上那个勉强的笑

因为你能看穿我厚重的礼貌

咖啡的味道不需要品尝我就能够明了

没有加糖一整个苦到脚

后来我有没有出现过你梦里

我们是彼此回忆的几分之几

如果说很想你

代表说遗憾占据太多比例

我应该常提醒自己

寂寞很轻

我知道你也会向朋友们探听我的消息

就好像我总好奇现在谁陪你

留点距离默默的关心却那么像逃避

面对过去我们没有勇气

no one is here by chance!

2007-09-02T01:24:00.000+08:00

welcome to my blog! u are not here by chance, and u are definitely not reading it by chance. Fate brought us together! 4 hunks of 07s17 decided to camwhore on wednesday, after econs lecture. actually the plan was to get jerico a birthday present, so we decided to take a picture and purchase a photo frame. The photo turned out great, Ivan's really a superb photographer, the background and the positioning is just perfect, and its not taken by chance! from left: shawn(spiderman), guojun(GEE-JAY), jerico(COCOcrunch) and yours truly.

the past week is super slack, shold i say...the best week so far in term of slackness, monday to wed is totally sports days, monday had physics test, which i passed(like finally!), then no GP, so we ended at 2 to prepare for econs test, but the whole day we were like playing basketball totally, so till 5.30 i was like ZZZzzzzz, wonder how much i will get for econs...
tuesday also slack, after econs thought mr lim not in sch, so we played more bball, until we pon ME! haha PE whole day until PW and H1, then went home at 2
wed more slack, no physics, so i went to school for 2 lesson only, maths and econs lect, after that i went home alone at 12.30 cos the rest got chinese
thursday more eventful, but mostly lecture, mr randy didnt have lesson cos he wanted us to have a break, then my afternoon H1 lesson cancelled, so ended school at 2.30 then went to TP to buy jerico's photo frame

friday was THE DAY. sajc's teachers day celebrating was nice, ACES day dance GJ got to have close distance with n, lol but too bad it didnt last long. during the concert witness many hidden talents in sajc, so many good singers, comparing myself to them...i know why i didnt make it thru CSS. the choir's song were superb, i love accapellas, david tao's is still the best. then the dance was shiok, both the dancers and SC, jerico was having a time of his life up on stage sia....while we drool below! haha no la jkjk

XINMIN HERE I COME! was what i shouting as i left the CC with shawn and GJ. i just couldnt contain my excitement about returning to my second home. met u with elson and anthony as we walked towards the bus stop, elson is still as lame as ever, and thanks to his hairstyling in the toilet, we missd out bus and waited for almost 30 min. lucky we met some NY peeps on that later bus, my cassandra mei, karen, jamie, felicia, jasper and perry to be exact haha.crap our way to school. when we reach xinmin, many ppl was already there, mostly those who pon-ed school, and the hall entrance was congested, ben and roy was already there when i reach, they said the program was boring, so we didnt watch. can see mostly TJ and NYJC flood xinmin that day, the program in the hall was very long so we used that time to chit chat with my long lost friends, asking them about their life so far. after that we swarmed into the staff room and one by one we visited our teachers. mr pah, mrs song, ms tee, ms phan, ms low, ms sun ,mr tang, mdm gwee, mr huang, mr yeo and of cos my good friends, DM mr singh, and he's an old saint himself! first thing the chinese departure said when they saw me was to give my more task to do, haha, ms tee ask me to perform with her next yr, ms sun ask me perform next week, and i ask ms low to allow me go back xinmin teach chinese after alevels. i really love to contribute my part for xinmin, no matter what, its very small compared to what xinmin has done for me. after that roy and i went to science staff room to look for mrs raj, mrs tao and mrs peh, but only saw mrs teo, i miss mrs peh dearly! havent seen her this yr yet. then i went to xinmin primary school to find my primary school teacher, yea my primary school PARRY is closed down, but my teacher transferred to xinmin, but after going in 3 times, i was told she left liaoz...sianzz. so i went back home and slacked with roy till around 4. thats how the day ended, maybe abit sianz at the end but fulfilling.

today i watched yet another meaningful movie, called Evan Almighty. it revolved around the christian faith and bible very much, but i understood it from my old point of view, and maybe bcos im exposed to christianity so much in sajc, im able to understand the movie more. im gng to go straight to the point, i know many ppl havent watch this movie but wanna watch it, so i shant tell ya whats happening in it. this was the phrase which touched me and enlightened me most:

"If you ask for your family to be closer, do you think GOD will give you all the warmth and mussy feelings? or do you think GOD will give ur family the CHANCE to be closer?"

"If you want to change the world, do you think GOD will give you the power to change the world? or the OPPORTUNITY to change it?"

"How do you change the world? By simple Acts of Random Kindness!"

"Ask and you shall receive."

the most important phrase is the first, after i heard it, i somehow paused my mind for 3 min, to think, to decifer and to recollect. i think this is the most impt message in the movie. since young, i always pray to gods of all kinds, hoping for good results, hoping for good health, hoping for my family to prosper etc. back here in SAJC we see ppl praying to GOD everyday! and what is SAJC now? a school which DSA students reject our offer...lol. i always say if GOD listens to our prayers, SAJC would become RJC, or should i say RJC will become a christian school. but now i see christianity and GOD in a totally different light. GOD maybe does listens to prayers, he did give us what we asked for, but we didnt take it. i prayed for good results, but i nvr seem to score as i wanted, forever not making my mark, but did the gods i pray to give me what i wished? yes. i got into xinmin, the perfect place for anyone to achieve just about anything they want to, i had both the hardware and software to succeed and get good results, but it is due to my laziness that i ended up in SA. i wished to know what gng on in my life right now and what am i suspose to do, no one told me, but Evan Almighty told me, i was given the opportunity to watch the show which enlightened me.

so ultimately, in life you can choose to believe in whatever religion u like, but u cannot depend on it. ultimately it is your actions which decides your fate, you can ask for help and the whole world will help u, but if you do not want to help urself, even GOD also cannot help you. so in this world, all of us are almighty, if we believe in faith and ourselves, work towards what u want to achieve and u shall succeed!

i wished to understand love, i regretted wishing for it, bcos now i understood the pain of falling in love, keeping love and and finding someone u truly love. why didnt all my wishes come true except this one. maybe u were the one who was suspose to make me understand what is love, see the true colours of love and end up like this today. if i was given another chance, i hope everything was taken away from me, i dun want this chance, bcos if i did at least now we will still be smiling at each other. but what is done cannot be undone, now i can only wish that things will turn out good at the end. someone up there, anyone, now that i've understood, please give me the CHANCE and OPPORTUNITY ba!

somewhere over the rainbow...

2007-08-24T20:34:00.000+08:00

this was what i saw yesterday noon, yes! its a RAINBOW around the sun! COOL right?! on my way to randy's GP class, elson came and show me a picture he took of the same view, and said "there's a rainbow around the sun!" and i was like "huh?" rainbow round the sun? i've nvr seen or heard abt it b4! omg it just goes to show how sua ku am i LOL i was telling everyone in class abt it and soon many ppl were gather at the fourth floor to view the sun. some of us were circling round and round the corridor to get a good view, apparently this view in my pic can only be seen from one angle, if u look at other angle u wouldnt be able to see the rainbow at all. BEAUTIFUL...yet painful, my eyes hurts when i look directly at the sun! haha then i asked shawn, who was a geo student, why a rainbow will form around the sun, but he cant answer me! lol i just wonder whats installed at the other side of the rainbow, is it a paradise? my other eden? will my angel be there waiting for me? lol dreaming away~~~Angel~~~Angel~~~I want 你在我身边~~~

havent been blogging about my life for awhile. nth much to say also, cos life is boring nowadays, i've been gng home at 1pm for most days and sleeping thru out the afternoons. studies is still crap, havent been doing much to catch up, really worried about promos. like what mr randy said, we are constantly living in fear all our life, but i do think fear is what make us succeed. been doing some PW lately, our WR 2nd draft was out yesterday!! i feel so proud to see the thick stack of WR in front of me, its like my newborn baby...lol seems like all the hard work is worthwhile, im so excited about our activities, esp my parts! haha!

im very very very broke these few weeks, cos my allowance is being used up too soon, i dunno how the hell i spend all the $$ la, i was like left with $20 to survive for 15 days!! so if u notice, i've been bringing cup noodles to school to eat during breaks and drinking plain water...all for saving money so i wouldnt die! total hell...now i really got a feel of how it feels like to be poor, really poor...my next allowance will come only on september, so i have to survive another week of budget lunches. lucky i went to find my old piggy bank and digged out $9!! heaven's on my side this time...like finally

my mother has gone to HONGKONG!! envious man, i really wanna visit hongkong, its such a happening place, gives me alot of feelings, my mum went there to reunion with her old classmates, leaving my aunt and brother with me, finally the house has quieten down, its really good to enjoy a few days of serenity and peace. but i really wanna go hongkong! maybe i shall discuss with my parents and visit it myself end of this year, think gng there from china is cheaper.

last weekend met up with eeyen at city hall for dinner and chilling, really great to see him again had an enjoyable time at SUBWAY eating and chatting away. also got jingnan's letter and stuff and received my belated bday present, haha eeyen gave me exactly what i wanted to buy! after that i proposed a walk along marina bay, then we realize there were more and more ppl as we walked towards the floating platform, then we were told there was fireworks that night, think thousands of ppl crowded the area around the floating platform ba. we got into ritz carlton hotal to view the fireworks, frankly i must say ritz carlton is not very amazing, not as amazing as i thought. but who cares? haha we're there to view the fireworks!

we also realize there many cool cars parked outside the hotel, the interesting thing is...the higher to climb to the hotel, the better the car gets! haha we saw ex car like lambogini, ferrari, rolls royce, and aston martin!!! eeyen and i acted like country pumpkins who nvr seen a good car in our life, and started taking photo with the aston martin! then suddenly the owner of the car came then we were super malu la...

the way back to mrt was total hell, we left the same time the fireworks ended, so u can imagine, the entire city link was filled with people, moving one step per 2 seconds liddat...ganna squeezed and stuffed to death...but it was really enjoyable time spent, catching up with eeyen, hopefully i can see more ppl soon, im really missing everyone these days.

im really missing many things these days. i miss OG27!! not only those that left for other schools, but also our "native" OG27 peeps! havent been catching up with each other for a long time. im proposing next year jan 3rd to be our OG 27 day, since its our first anniversary! sounds fun eh? of cos im also missing fellow 405 peeps and xinmin teachers, cant wait for 31st aug, maybe i shall pon school that day and join my beloved xinmin in our teacher's day celebration. after coming to jc i really understood who are the real saints, they are my xinmin teachers! they are the ones who truly can be called saints, or angels etc i miss table tennis too, since training stopped i havent touched my racket for almost 2 mths, wonder if algaes grow on it already not, must jio yonghou back to xinmin and sweat it out one day soon.

i shall end here now, cant think of other things to write about my unhappening life, maybe this is the fate of jc students, no fun, no life?? lol but im still better off then many other ppl, my results says everything, it time to really start to focus and catch up, everyone is doing that, i cannot become stagnant. 学习如逆水行舟，不进则退。

not forgetting...hongyou tagged me! haha so im susposed to write out 10 not-known facts or weird things about myself...erm hard to think of 10 but i'll try...here it is:

1)i dun like songs sang by female singers, most of the songs in my ipod are from male artist, i dunno why also...maybe cos female key too high for me to sing along?

2)my origin is quite complex, my family line originated from northern part of china, the town which 包青天 lived in, then my family moved to southern part due to cultural revolution. Before that my family were landlords. i was borned in xiamen, brought to quanzhou as a baby, grew up in shaowu, went to fuzhou, studied in back in xiamen then came to singapore. so im like north-south mixed...lol

3)like many ppl, i also participated in many activities when i was young, i learnt drawing in china, dance and wushu during kindergarden, and primary school the time i was in scouts, chinese painting, multimedia club, robotics club, prefectorial board and choir.

4)despite learning so many stuff, i didnt learn what was most convinient for me, as in i didnt learn any skills from my family, when my grandfather was a strategist for the army and superb in chinese calligraphy, my grandmother was a geo teacher, my father is a designer, my mother is a chinese musician and performer, my aunt is a chinese teacher and my uncle is a IT wiz.

5)i have only read one complete chinese novel in my life, and its 射雕英雄传 by 金庸. and the only english books i finished reading are harry potters...i just dun like reading that much...haha

6)i eat the most in my family yet i am the slimest.

7)i dun really like ball games which requires the use of legs, like soccer.

8)i stab myself with a knife before.

9)i underwent 2 operations when i was in china. i use to have 大舌头, or difficulty in speaking clearly.

10)things in my dreams come true! i dunno how to explain, many times i will dream of an short image of me doing something at somewhere, then a few weeks or even a few mths later it really happened! but unfortunately, i only rmb that i dreamt abt it when it happened, meaning i cannot rmb the dreams that will come true, so i cant predict the future...but there was once i dreamt of myself doing an exam, and one week later the qns in my real exam were exactly the same as what i dreamt! lol hope i didnt confuse you

kkz thats all, i cannot think of much weird or unknown stuff about me actually, all these 10 are forced out, some may be quite lame la haha pardon me! well im not gng to tag anyone, but if u find it fun, write about urself in ur blog! lol but for now...so long!

2007-08-18T02:02:00.000+08:00

"you are a success in my eyes, never give in to obstacles...FIGHT ON!"

-yuchuan

i'm not going to become emo this time round, after flooding my blog with emo-ism, haha i think its high time i change my direction. But i'm still going to talk about life, with my newfound wisdom about the world around us.

Watched a very meaningful movie this week, its called the Truman Show(see above) i have to give credit to mr randy for introducing us the movie, and the AP students who strongly recommended it to me, the title also got the interest of most of my classmates, everyone is so eager to watch it. And that understandable, bcos its really a fantastic movie, unique in its way, and provided alot of insights into our world today. It set me thinking about the life i led, and the society i live in, and made me see life in a different way.

truman burbank seemed to be an average working adult, with a wife and stable job. he has lived in the island of Seahaven his entire life. His childhood memory of losing his father during a storm out in the sea caused him to be hydrophobia and cannot travel above water. His life is just like any average person, he attended school, got into college and got a job as an insurance agent. Until one day, the radio of his car was spoiled and he began to receive something like sounds like police intercomm conversations, but this was different, it described exactly where he was, where he was going. The imba part was, there was a high pitch disturbance in the intercomm system and everyone, yes everyone, including vehicle drivers, jerked and paused movement on the busy street together! So truman begin to get suspicious, he began to feel as if the entire world is spinning around him, so he set out on an attempt to leave the island of Seahaven and explore the world outside, but faced greatly difficulties. But he perservered and hit for the open sea, braved the storm and reach the "end of the world", which was a wall painted with the colour of the sky, then he understood what has been going on his entire life.

it turned out that truman was an unwanted baby, adopted by the film crew to shoot a reality show of how a baby grows right from the womb, but it became so popular that it developed into a 24/7 nonstop LIVE broadcast of truman's life. The island of Seahaven is actually a man-made island inside a gigantic studio which could be seen on the moon. Everything in truman's world is man-made, everyone in his world are actually actors, including his parents, wife and lifelong best friend. His life was also pre-planned according to the director, to stop him from the thought of travelling out of Seahaven, he was taught from young about the difficulties and impossible-ness of exploring, television also only encouraged him to stayhome, travel agencies only had posters to discourage ppl to travel, and to stop him from going near the sea, the fil crew "designed" his father's death during a storm to create his hydrophobic syndrom. Even though Truman is a world popular character, his life is opened to everybody without his knowledge, and he has no control of his life, so we can say that he lived in a prison.

some quotes from the director of the film had deep meanings. "humans believe, without questioning, what is presented to them." this was his reply to people questioning about whether truman will run away. He was so sure that truman wouldnt bcos he believed humans accept the world it is presented to them, without stopping to question its genuienity. That is very true, many of the time u and i, we just accepts everything we're told, why should we study? why must be do well for olvls? why must be entering JC? why are we made to study all these crap in school? why are we.....etc everyone leads a similar life in today's society, we followed the "rules of thumb" of society. How do you know dy/dx of x is 1? bcos the textbooks say so! how do you know the taliban;s kidnapped the korean volunteers? bcos the media tells us so! but can books and media ever be relied on to tell the truth? in truman's world, it cannot. but how can 100% confirm that everything we are told today are the truth?

b4 truman stepped out of the studio and into the real world, the director made one last attempt to retrieve him. he talked to him using the speakers from the sky and it somewhat presented him like the creator or God-like being. Its like the God talking to his children. he told truman,"there is no less lies in the world outside then the world i've created for you! the world outside in dangerous, in my world, we have nothing to fear, becos i've created a perfect world for u!" and truthfully, is our world really free of lies as compared to truman's manmade world? At least in truman's world we know everything is fake, but in the real world we hardly can differentiate the truth from the lies. As they director watched truman left, the image of God watching Adam and Eve leave his garden of paradise, a world HE created for them. Yet God did not tell them the Truth, it is due to Adam and Eve's own initiative that they got to know the Truth. So what different has the director to God? of cos theres difference, but in terms of creating a world, ideal world for a human to live, the movie has somewhat adapted some ideas from the Bible.

Truman Show showed me how naive we humans can be sometimes, easily believing and has no control of our life. But truman also showed me how powerful an individual like us can be, we need to give in to fate or destiny, as long as we have a strong determination and will power, we can overcome anything. Like how Adam and Eve walked away from the garden of God. Like how truman braved the storm out in the sea, the director created a killer storm for truman and was sure that he will be afraid of the storm and head back, but truman was no intimidated by it and finally reached the EXIT, after being totally tortured during the storm. In life sometimes we really feel powerless infront of fate, we desire so much to do something, to achieve somethings, but we just doesnt seem to get what we want. just like me, desired so much to go NJ, but no matter what i did fate still played a trick on me. I tried to many things this year, CSS, performances, Work Shadowing...i really wanted to succeed, to turn away from all my failures, but time and time again im being defeated. Before i watched the truman show, i really hated the life im living, truthfully i really blamed life for being so unfair to me, being so cruel to me, not giving what i wanted, and i really wanted to resign to fate and stopping working towards more goals. I really though hey, this year is just not my year man...nth seem to happen the way i want it to, so just give up and stop trying yc! but now, im convinced, that i have not failed at all in my life, becos i've being always working towards my goals, but if i give up trying and working, thats when i really failed! so i learnt that all the setbacks i faced doesnt mean i failed, i just havent succed yet, and to succeed to cannot give up, giving up then is considering a failure. Learn from Truman! Brave the storm!

i also had a very funny thought, what if thw world i lived in is the same as truman's? what if everything im using now are just props, and my every move is being recorded using pin-hole camera, and everyone around me are merely actors and my life is just like a variety show? all my friends, family...are they real? or i merely accepted their reality bcos im told im the son of my parents and i believe my friends are truthful friends?what if everything in my life is out of my control, what am i gng to do about it? in the show truman's lifelong best friend turned out to be another actor who has been on the show since the age of 7, and his wife is merely acting out everything. What if my brothers are just actors? and my loved ones are not for real? haha i will nvr get the answers to those qns right now, it seems so insane to ask all those stupid questions. BUT one thing i learnt is for real, like the old saying goes, "life is like a show, a show is like a life." very true, our life is like drama, the difference is we have no NGs and retakes. from the moment we are born, we are given a mission to complete our life story, how you want ur life to turn depends on u, u are the director of ur own life story. Theres no retakes, whatever u do will not be able to undone, so all mistakes we make in our life has to be recorrect one day. Everyone around us is a actor, playing the role of himself or herself, sometime we have multiple roles, being a brother, being a student, being a sportsman etc some people flourish with the varity of life, some people are unable to juggle so many roles. We teenagers have many roles to play in our life, many of us already tired of our life, or questioning about our existence, i do get tired of life, i always question why i am in this world. my answer for now is life isnt life without tireness, and im in this world for many reasons, im here becos of love, so im here to love, and im suspose to leave this place with more love. If your life was a movie, will it make a good one? the choice is yours. be brave and perservere, up and on!

special thanks to truman burbank...for enlightening me at the lowest point of my life.

2007-08-07T23:56:00.000+08:00

国庆节到了！终于等到放长假的时候，可以好好休息一下，可惜的的是。。。我生病了！又失声了。。。海。。我就是如此背，一道象唱歌的时候声音就不好使。今天晚上终于可以和失散多时的405老同学见面了，KTV-ing!! 可是我现在连说话都有问题，更别说唱歌了。可是重点不在唱歌，而在于玩的开心，尽兴，难得那么多好朋友能以齐聚在一起，我怎能因为一点小病就推辞呢？，再说。。。这次的聚会可是我策划的诶！真得很期待今晚，让我们回到过去！

这几天脑袋里萌生了许多新的想法，也有些许感悟。老爸前几天更从中国回来，可是这一次是为了生意，也带了我们公司的一名designer,所以暂住旅馆。昨晚，也就是刚刚过去的3小时里，不是很顺利，一回家老妈就在喊我晚回家，又和我老爸投诉，老爸有何我喋喋不休的念啊念啊。。。我快要疯了。长辈们说的道理我全都明白，我不是叛逆，只是有自己做事的原则，传统的思想不是不好，可是我认为有改善的空间，我们不能食古不化。近来心情一直处于低潮状态，我承认生命中种种的挫折的确让我觉得力不从心，不知所措。我真的累了，好累，只想好好的休息一下。爸妈的唠叨的确加深了我的不快，可我能够理解他们的初衷，所以我一直心平气和的和他们说道理，虽然老妈从来都是不讲理的，可我都习惯了，家和万事兴，我只希望在家得到我应有的安宁。

这个世界太吵了，真得太吵了，无聊的噪音，逆耳的声音，不搭的频率，真得太吵了。现在的我只渴望一瞬间的宁静，哪怕只是那一瞬间，让我好好宁听你的声音，世界最美妙的旋律，让我暂时跑调烦恼，专心感受生命的美好，就是那一瞬间，哪怕是一瞬间，也足够了。你是我心中的一首歌。

我真的好累，不论是精神上还是肉体上，我从没如此累过，有时候真的想时间停止，夜晚长存，明天永远不会到来，让我永远沉睡，永远沉浸在美妙的梦境里，那是多么美妙。可是现实往往和我们唱反调，我们不管多累都还是要勇敢地走下去，我不能停止脚步，因为我有必须成功的责任，我有对自己的承诺，所以不管多累多苦，我还是会继续走下去，希望有苦尽甘来的那一天。会有那么一天吗？

生命中有很多值得珍惜的事物，它们是我的动力，不断给我走下去的意义，虽然很渺小，可是我与我来说他们就是生命的源泉。从家人，朋友到乒乓，音乐。。。它们是我存在的理由。不管外人对我多么歧视，家人永远是我们稳固的靠山。不管生活上有多少烦恼，我们朋友之间都会把自己变成垃圾桶，为朋友分忧。不管日子过得又多么无聊乏味，至少我还有乒乓球这个爱好，能消磨时间。不管外面的世界有多么吵杂，只要有陶喆的音乐就能让我陶醉。我发现生命其实像一场梦，很短暂却美妙，我们能决定自己的命运，让我们获得快乐。快乐来自爱。而爱，很简单。

不想多说了，现在的心情一部分都写在陶喆的歌词里，如果你看得出来我想说的话，那么算你和我有缘咯！哈哈，我的生命力真的不能没有音乐，很位只有音乐是最安全的，只有音乐是不会离我们而去的。这首歌叫i'm ok...

Sorry 我不在请在beep声后留言
我正在寂寞的超级市场找着生力面
你永远不会回来我的日记变空白
希望有一天我会ok 希望有一天我会ok

不要忘了留姓名电话和其他事情
不要说的太快免得我没写下你大名
或许你不再打来我却等到头发白
希望有一天你会打来希望电话那一天会ok

你call进来可是电话忙线说不出来
痛苦藏在里面耐心等待可是还是忙线
没有讯号联络不到现在你给我的爱我收不到

看到答录机上面有着十几通留言
可是发现每一个都只是挂断的声音
我没回答的机会或许你等的好累
多少电话线也找你不回多少电话线也找你不回

还有很多事我还想对你说要用什么方法能跟你联络
请你留一个号码让我拨听了你的声音我才ok
最近我的心情很不ok

我最近过得不错，真的很ok的。我并不孤独，因为我身边有家人朋友和音乐的陪伴。音乐真的是能够寄托一个人的心情，通过一个人听的歌，唱的歌，我们能看出他的心情，他想说的话，和他思念的人事物。。。你是否能了解我现在的心情？是否能了解我的痛？是否能了解我的快乐？是否能有所感动？当你，听见，我的歌。。。

life is...

2007-07-30T20:14:00.000+08:00

请问。。。现在几点了？it has been...about 2 weeks le ba, 2 weeks i havent been blogging, its not bcos im busy, i am online most of the time and visit my blog 3 4 times a day, but i didnt have the mood to blog. this place is suspose to be a place i throw my worries and stress into, making me feel better, but life is in such a mess now i dunno where am i, who am i and why i am doing certain things. i have many things to say, but dunno how to start, many ppl i wanna see, but dunno where they are, many things i wanna do, but dunno what it is. already 7 months as a JC student, but still trying to get out of the dilemma, still trying to get used to the new phase of my life.

i seem to have lost my life. this two weeks...i dunno what i have been doing...really dunno what direction im heading. i really hate to wear a mask around the place, but most of the time i must appear to be super high and happy infront of me, but who will know the wider my smile is, the bigger the void is in my heart. i love to smile, be cheerful and see others around me smiling, feeling happy as well. but why is everyone not letting me be myself? why is everyone and everything pouring so much agony and sorrow upon me? i feel as if i got the dementor's kiss...lol

sometimes look into the mirror, and ask...why am i smiling? am i really happy about my life? enjoying the simple pleasure of being myself? and there, hidden under the mask, is a face which resembles a prisoner, deprived of freedom and showered with pain and agony. then i will look around me, look at all the ppl around me, my school, my room...where do i belong? what should i do? who can i open myself to? where is the place i should be? or is everyone around me enjoying themselves? or are they just like me, hiding their true emotions under the mask. i really miss the old times, when life was so simple, nth to worry abt but academics, and i am easily satisfied with one intriguting computer game like NBA LIVE!! i had a clear goal, and just one goal, and we had so little things to worry abt. in the past i didnt know how to appreciate the life i led, i did know how fortunate i was, now i know...bcos now im in hell.

i miss being myself again. wearing my tie, pining my badge and cliping on the tie pin, walking into the school, proud to be who i am, a student leader, someone whom teachers and friends trust, someone whom is looked upon as a righteous person who will nvr do anything wrong( at least i thought that way la, but i believe many ppl treat us SLs as crap...)i had a nerdy hairstyle, high socks and shirts that are forever tucked in, but it didnt make me feel outcasted amongst all my friends who were so cool and hip, bcos i believe that i had a responsibility others dun, i treat teachers as friends and they in turn gave me trust, i did my job and enjoyed every bit of it. now i walked into sajc with heads low, and teachers always pick on me for my hair, my friends says that im "not trustworthy", and teachers dun trust me like they use to, my studies is also in the bottom of the well. i really dunno whats wrong with me man, maybe its like what royston said, i dun have the responsibility as a leader anymore, so i slacked down, or maybe i had been too much of a "good boy" in sec sch that i changed completely in JC. i rmb ms tee once told me,"ur responsibilty doesnt end at retirement. you have to still uphold on ur beliefs, it doesnt mean u've step down then u can behave in anyway different than ur usual self."this is something like once a saint always a saint theory ba...i must find back who i was in the past and revert of the false images i created for myself, if not i really lost myself.

i've really lost control of my life these 2 weeks or so...i really cannot rmb what was i doing, except gng school, returning home damn early, playing guitar, doing abit work and spending most of the time staring blankly at the computer screen. i am late for everything i do, like somehow i lost touch with what i am doing, like i've lost the meaning to walk on. like gng to bed without switching on the alarm clock, oversleeping on days with morning PW meetings, and the ultimate one, being ONE HOUR late for my national chinese writing competition. last year, every night b4 i sleep, i will remind myself of my goals, all the things i need to do the next day and fall aslp peaceful, nowsday i doze off even b4 i get on my bed, and totally lost any sense of responsibility and urgency. its time to take charge again, get back the control of myself.

my family adds on to my frustration, they dun understand anything im facing now, and how do u expect me to share my problems with them? its just so impossible, my mother will just scream at me and say im crazy and ask me to kick away all the stupid thoughts. my mother and i just dun have the same frequency, and my father i dunno liaoz, i dun even get to see him more that 2 months every year, and my brother can do nth but keep asking qns and invading my privacy. i love to quarrel and scream in frustration last time, maybe i learnt that from my mum...but now i realize it will only make my mother scream even more at me, and i hate her voice blasting into my ears. im already troubled enough and hearing more of those does nth but bad. i learnt to be quiet and peaceful at home, avoiding any quarrels, bcos i realize peace and quiet is what i need most now.

but i really appreciate what my relatives and brothers are doing to help me, they are the ones whom i feel comfortable sharing some of my problems. i know its not right bcos ur parents should be ur closest kins, but sorry i just dun like to share negative feelings with my dearest and closest loved ones. my uncle and aunt both talked to me individual on msn sometime back, and i shared with them some problems i face in academics, and their assuring words made me feel more secure, i know that i have to try my best now, but if i really failed, i could always depend on my family back in china. royston provded me with a good listening ear, the best one can get, i dunno whether he felt sianz when i just threw all my personal problems onto him, or asking him out at 8pm to chit chat about stuff which is totally irrelevant to him. but without him sharing my problems i think i would have broken down, i feel so blessed to have someone i could share my burden with in times of need. benedict has always been very busy with studies, cheerleading and making money, i seldom get to see him nowadays, but im sure he will also be there for me when i need it! thats what brothers are for!

however, life just isnt complete without the other half. you seem really determined, walking past like strangers. even making sure that u will not be in the country on that day. does it really have to be that way? is it true that one only know how to lust for things that are not their, and do not know how to cherish things which they already own? will it really make our life better? no matter what obstacles lies ahead, no matter what ppl say, even if the whole world goes against me, i will continue moving on. no matter how long it is, even if it takes the rest of my life, this special place in my heart will be always reserved for u.

i only have myself to depend on in this world, i am not defeated yet. even though life is tough, even though things didnt went as i wanted it to be, i have not given up. bcos giving up doesnt solve the problem. like what i told yingjie when he ask me to change my table tennis skin,"changing to suit the problem is like escaping the problem, bcos at the end of the day the problem is not solved. what we must do is not changing the racket, but to improve our skills." so i must buck up, pull up my sock and find back myself, 找自己! there must be some meaning and purpose for me to go thru what i am gng thru now. either its to test how i handle failures, or to bounce back from defeats, or to let me understand how true my love can be. only time will tell why im gng thru all this, but for now i will have to pick myself up and walk on with my injured body, time is the only antidote.

LIFE IS A GAME, PLAY IT

2007-07-16T21:32:00.000+08:00

星期天深夜那都不想去也无法入睡
看着我手机持续在发呆喝了七分醉
闭上了眼睛试着不想你但已来不及
忘了如何让眼泪停止留下
还好没人看见没人会说话
永远不会有任何人能代替你
这就是遗憾的滋味陪着我形影不离
明天我会面带微笑但无法忘记你
等待
我随时随地在等待做你感情上的依赖
我没有任何的疑问这是爱
我猜
你早就想要说明白我觉得自己好失败
从天堂掉落到深渊多无奈
我愿意改变 but what can i do?
重新再来一遍 will you give me another chance?
我无法只是普通朋友
感情已那么深叫我怎么能收手?
我感激你对我这样的坦白
但我给你的爱暂时收不回来

annoyed...

2007-07-14T19:46:00.000+08:00

my room is gone, its occupied, and i am stucked in the guest room with a lousy fan which barely creates any wind...and thanks to my brother, i cannot stay over at royston's house. No computer to use after 10pm bcos my mother's guests from china sleeps early, lucky i still have my guitar to accompany thru the night.

im not procrastinating la, cos my mum also didnt want to accept the guests, for some personal reasons, but she had no choice bcos she didnt want to affect her relationships with her old classmates. so my room was sacrificed lor...lol cant wait for monday, when i will get back into my room.

today og27 didnt have any outing or BBQ, for the simple reason that too few ppl can make it, everyone is occupied by somethings like CCA, tuition and other stuff, which i can understand, so i just called it off, postponed to next weekend, ppl plz make urself available!! thanks! but im also very very annoyed by some ppl, i really had a hard time asking everyone to go and waiting for comfirmation, checking out the bbq food and eeyen also check out the pit for me, so of cos i will feel some degree of discourage-ness when so many tell me they cant go, but i know its hard to plan outing during this period so i anticipated this will happen and can accept it, but plz la, spare me a thought and dun pour cold water on me, i wanted to tell this certain someone that outing is cancelled, then what reply did i get? "Like obvious. No one can go dude. XXX got stuff. XXX got stuff. I got stuff." i threw my phone on the bed as soon as i saw this msg, what are you trying to tell me? Like obvious? so i was being stupid by informing u that outing is cancelled? or i was stupid to plan an outing in the first place? you didnt even bothered to tell me you couldnt make it, and here u are trying to act smart and make me look stupid...haiz i really duno if thats ur true intention or u are merely too insensitive to people's feelings. its not like im paid to plan outings, or im planning outing for my own pleasure, so at least reply with a nicer tone...i hope im not being too demanding, maybe i am being too narrow-minded.

i know that theres different type of ppl in our society and i used to create alot of enemies bcos of my carelessness in speech, so i always believe i can stand different type of ppl more than most ppl. so i must constantly remind myself that i must face everyone and anyone with a forgiving heart and accepting heart.

i know i made myself look ugly by complaining and grumbling so much about a small thing, but this IS my blog right? i dunno any other ways to get rid of this annoyance in me except to throw them all into my blog, i apologize if i offended anyone with my words.

i also hope anyhow who felt offended by my words b4, to forgive me too. i always get carried away and bcome careless about what i say, but you know i will nvr mean anything bad...so try to understand, ppl make mistakes, i tend to make more mistakes than others, correction and forgiveness is the only thing that can save me, so yeap so sorry peeps!

BBQ outing will be next saturday! this time must make it a successful and funfilled one, and it will only be enjoyable if everyone goes for it! i will start asking ppl again, but if u know u can make it, dun wait for me to invite you, tell me you can come and i will greatly appreciate it! sorry eeyen! i failed to plan for u a joyful bday bbq party...forgive me, i will try my best to make next saturday possible!

Love is ART

2007-07-13T00:13:00.000+08:00

its has been a long time since i posted something decent and substantial on my blog, have been playing around with pictures all these while. even though some may say a picture speaks a thousand words, i feel that my true feelings can only be represented through words. This is somewhat like a sequel from my post long time ago, about this thing called LOVE!

Love is ART, Acceptance Respect Trust. Love without which, i believe, will nvr sustain, might not even happen. Some ppl of our age thinks that love is all about Admiration Recreation and Tolerance, which i think is totally wrong. Admiration is not a form of love, its how to appreciate beauty and charm, falling in love bcos of admiration childish and stupid. Some ppl think that love is a game, purely for recreation, to find someone u can always go out and happy with, and they keep changing partners, as if it was changing clothes, where is the love? and last there's this interesting thing called tolerance, sometimes you think if you stand some of your partner's flaws, then ur love will last. but thats not always true, bcos deep inside you still do not accept their flaws, so the thing that makes love last should be acceptance, you learn to accept and appreciate who they are, think in their shoes, and help them correct their flaws.

many ppl are into relationships at our age, but how far does all these relationship get? we see this couple today and tmr they break, for the exact reason that they didnt sort the ART b4 they commit, that what i think. During our NS talk an exstudent was saying "girls when ur bf go army, they will be very lonely, try to understand them", then one qns struck me, will teenage love from JC or secondary schools last thru NS? or is NS is ultimate terminator of love? haha just thought of something benedict told me b4, goes something like "find a gf in jc or poly, if after NS still nvr break, then can prepare for marriage liao" which is in some sense true. I believe true love, true friendships can withstand the wear and tear of time and distance. The person with love might be studying in the uni while we're praying in the shaolin temple, he or she might go overseas to study while i am stucked in a local uni...all these things could happen but its there for a purpose, to test how strong love can be.

so to all those who still havent said what u want to say to him or her, dun hesitate anymore, becos time is running out, JC or poly isnt very long a time to spare, love must also be built over time. but b4 u embark on anything, plz rmb the ART of love, bcos im sure u want ur relationships to last right? haha...

i dunno if what i crapped above was correct...just my own understanding, you might have different views...haha realize i blogged a pile of crap above, maybe bcos just had a bottle of vodka...ppl tend to talk more crap when they are drunk right? lol my mother is complaining my room smell of alcohol liao...and my face is all red...opps im such a lousy drinker...pardon me lol...

on a lighter note, i wanna talk about my academics. Now my top priority is academics already, after i receive my collection of UMBRELLAS from sajc, i realized im being pushed to the edge of the cliff, and if i dun work hard now, there goes my future. got abit of mood to study these few days, all of a sudden, instead of switching on the comp as soon as i reach home, i began to sit down on my study table and chiong work. i dunno if there's enough time to catch up on the past 6 mths cos more new topics are coming up, but even if its the impossible, i have to make it possible. Saw how sad my friends in class were after being given 4 saints UMBRELLAS to hold, i suddenly feel my class changed, and i have to change as well, i can let myself down!

of cos academics aside, my other concerns are relationship, finance and social life. still waiting...have been spending alot these few weeks, had expensive lunches, spent alot on unneeded food, bought alot og luxury goods and went out quite many times. my bank acc has dried up already...its time to save. I NEED GLUE...IM BROKE

i also havent forgotten my passions, sometimes during the days i will feel this loneliness in me, this sianness...lucky there's training to look forward to, even though table tennis is damn slack now, i realize that after resting my racket for almost 2 months, i can actually play better! maybe last time i was too stressed up...and during the quiet and emo nights...while i stare at the comp screen, my guitar is always there to accompany me, i love the feeling of playing guitar at 12 midnight, the plucking of the strings, the sound of the guitar as i sang along with the tune, its so relaxing, so destressing and just fantastic feeling. when everything else is so quiet, and u can only hear the guitar and your own voice...but of cos, these are not the voice i most desire to hear.

my head is getting heavy...lol bcos im getting sleepy...sleep after a drink is so easy and relaxing...i just realized this week, monday did the same thing la, drank a bottle of bacardi breezer than ZZZzzzz cos i normally can fall asleep very easily, too much thoughts gng thru my brain. but dun worry! im not a drunken, i dun drink alcohol everyday, bacardi is just like fruit punch with like 4% alcohol? lol its child's play for most, but its enough to make me all red...haha

signing off now, tmr is sajc sc commentation at st andrew catheral, wonder if theres gng to be any fun stuff to look forward to after it...lol next time!

SATT Shanghai Trip!!!

2007-07-10T14:48:00.000+08:00

i know this is abit late, its not my fault! i only got the photos 3rd day after exams and its ALOT of pictures, 1GB actually...so i had to select the pictures and upload them one by one...very painstaking, and this post is gng to be SUPER LONG!! cos of all the pictures, dun get discouraged plz, cos i really spent a long time uploading! haha so scroll till the end...so sleepy now, i need a power nap!!! but i shall blog about my enjoyable shanghai trip first!shanghai trip was boring in the content, haha cos we visited nth but TEMPLESSSS and MUSEUMSSSSSS, but the fun came from the team bonding and in the night...lol
looks similar huh? haha this is our first group photo after arrival! at 外滩, behind the 东方明珠. spirits were high! and it was VERY windy, the lady in white was our tour guide in shanghai and hangzhou
my roommate, kelvin, who was also the camera man...haha thanks him for the 1GB photos
2nd stop in shanghai, Nanjing Street Shopping!! haha my team all wanted to shop shop and shop, everyone just rushed off into the shopping malls as soon as we arrived, this cute train is like the LRT within the street, cos the whole place is damn big, if u are tired u can pay 2rmb to sit on it and it will bring you all around nanjing street! i didnt take it cos i was busying shopping too! haha with kelvin yuyang and karen, yuyang is from shanghai, so thanks to her we got alot of discounts in bargaining!
kelvin.yuyang.karen.me. if u wonder why i look so shiny...lol cos i took this picture! haha kelvin was saying he wanna take 4 of us and the nice background behind, but we had no 5th person, so i created this "special" self-taking method, which was quite "impressive" huh?
We got bored while waiting to leave nanjing street, so tried being retarded by irritating the kid and his mother...first restaurant we had our dinner, the toilet sign is damn interesting, the lights will blink one...so it actually shows things shooting out...yucks! i had my dinner with this sign blinking just beside me...

2nd Day

early in the morning, visited shanghai museum, we did browsed thru some artefacts and art pieces, but in the end 4 of us PS the whole group and went somewhere nearby to shop! even ms ong followed us, yuyang led the way. of cos later ganna scolded by jiwen...but manged to purchase many interesting things.

saw a big gap between this two fella, so i added myself into the picture...lol retarded i know

2nd stop of the day, Shanghai City Planning Museum

i took this picture too, with my newly acquired taking method! haha behinf us is the landscape of shanghai. cant find my house cos its located too far away from city central...
then we board our coach and headed to suzhou, all of us fell aslp but was waken halfway, cos we passed by the singapore industrial estate in suzhou, so of cos had to come down from photo taking! look at my lost expression...lol
Hanshan TEMPLE!!! our first destination in suzhou, aftet that i think we went to shop again...

3rd day

this is one of the gardens in suzhou, u cant see from here, but behind us is a lake, and im squatting on a small rock just beside the lake, high risk of falling back and...

kelvin was showing me his camera functions, and this one is cool, u select a colour and it will only take picture with that colour! for this picture, he selected the brownish gold from my shirt

o yea, this is how our dinner and lunch 24/7 looked like, almost the exact same food, just quality worse and worse...2 extreme incidents...lol yihan was helping us put ice cubes into our cups, after he helped 4 of us, we realized there's a dead cockroach inside the ice jar....then theres the vege, i ate and ate, until i saw a 20cm long hair inside the plate....grossss.....i've been in china for 17 years, and i've nvr encountered such lousy food

this is how our hotel room in sushou looked like, and YES its the toilet behind the blurry window...this room is already much better than the shanghai hotel, which i forgot to take a picture, shanghai's one is totally no door, no walls, no lock, only TRANSPARENT CLEAR glass....

this is how clear u can see one bathing....

4th day

westlake in hangzhou! we were planning to visit one of the schools for TT match that afternoon

after the crowded westlake, we went to this tea farm...quite famous for its longjing teasome incident happened that day, between yingjie and lucas, details...i shall help them keep it a secret...but u can see how black lucas' face was...lol after lunch went SHOPPing AGAIN!!!
this is the school, hangzhou tourism school, beautiful campus right? how we wished SAJC was like this...and they had this big street at the entrance, digital one, which said "Welcome students from SAJC" haha guess we felt quite honoured?
TT match was crap, the students there cant even play the game properly, but its not their fault, the teachers and tour agency didnt plan our trip properly anyway. i look weird in the phot? haha cos lucas smacked the ball onto my arm by accident and i jumped in pain...lol
students from the school whom join us in our game, however most of us got sianz and went to play soccer with them instead, which they proved to be much better in...me however...lol play like 10 over matches with those enthusiast...for recreation purpose...and plus i hate soccer!

5th Day

still at hangzhou, visited the holy place for buddhism, Daxiong Palace? i hope i named it correctly...quite sian actually, just walked around and sightsee abit...

the legendary one line sky...erm dunno how to say in english...but it basically a dark cave, ppl say if u go inside the cave and can see a tiny bit of sky from the ceiling...u have "chemistry" with buddhism...haha and guess what? i saw it!!! lol but it was bcos many ppl was around that "spot" and some ppl were guiding us to see the small crack in the cave...

TEMPLES again!! this time is YueFei Temple..as sianz as ever...

statue of the 2 person whom framed yuefei, alot of ppl were spitting on them so theres a sign nearby which says "no spitting" lol after that we went shopping again..this is getting boring i know...

6th Day...Last Day!

we proposed to wake up late that morning, bcos we were all totally beat. then we got fed up with the lousy food, so we told the tour guide to combine our lunch and dinner money and go somewhere good. so we went Changhuang Temple...which is a shopping area...to eat the famous xiao long bao...best food we had in 6 days man...then some of us fork out our own money and order more baos, including this soup bao...damn cute sia!

let the picture do the talking...

just b4 departure, we visit the top of the 东方明珠...260 plus storeys tall...it was a great view from above..and we had lots of fun taking photos
last group photo, it was raining but we were all super high! this ended off my 6 day team trip in shanghai, a city which i am much familar with, but this trip packed loads of different feelings, all of us sure feel more like a team now, we were all backed refreshed, bonded and loaded with good memories...i will definitely visit shanghai again, but the feeling will nvr be the same...thanks SATT!!

1...2...3...我们都是木头人！

2007-07-04T13:25:00.000+08:00

blogging at the school's computer lab, becos i ended at 12.30pm and dun feel like gng home so early. Today got back 2 out of my 3 H2 subjects results, the results were as i expected. Actually i shouldnt be feeling any pain or sorrow, bcos i didnt put in much effort to prepare for the exams and from the moment i left the exam room, i anticipated the worst. But somehow deep in my heart i was hoping for a miracle to happen, which obviously it didnt, i dunno why i am feeling so down and tired today, demoralized maybe. i am always a high aimer, but currently all that i wanna do is to promote at the end of the year, they always say "aim for the stars, so u will fall upon the clouds" so if i aim just to be promoted, i'll most likely be retained...that what i do not want to see...dunno what has destroyed and lowered my standards for myself so much, i better buck up and get back on course, aim for As for the promo exams, which i need, cos based n CT, i will need to score As to keep me alive...

the title of my post today is 1,2,3...我们都是木头人, this is also the title for david tao's world tour. Just as david tao says, the pace of life in this world we are living today is too fast, everyone is trying their best to impress others, singers using awesome names and packaging to get attention, adults using monetary achievements to show how successful they are, students striving for the best results to impress their parents and friends...you are much blinded by the true beauty of life, which lies in the most basic and natural part of our childhood. just like the game some of us played as a child, one of us cover our eyes and count to three, when he open his eyes, all the rest must freeze in position, anyone caught moving will be punished. this game sounds retarded to us now, just like many other childish games we play in our early youths, but this retarded and childish period is also the most innocent, pure and truthful period of our lifes, where there is not fierce competitions, brutal rivalries, lies...etc...only if we could live in that type of society forever, even though we all know all impossible it is, what we can still do is to embrace it once in a while, thru having a retreat from the busy cities and crazy society, or listening to great music from david tao, thats why i'll definitely be getting the best ticket for david tao's singapore concert, whenever it is, it will be a time of enjoyment, a time for retreat and a time for recollection.

as humans, we have wants...unlimited wants, and thats the basis for all economic theories. and all our wants are the reason for the society to transform to what it is today. sometimes we might find our friends using various undesirable ways to satisfy their wants, we might also be doing wrong things just to get what we want. knowing this, we should learn to understand our friends sometimes, why certain ppl behave in certain way, and try to avoid negative impacts on yourself. we should also keep our incomes and expenses checked, so we too not get consumed by superficial wants.

yesterday afternoon finally managed to grab royston to see mdm lee, haha it was hard to find a timing which both royston and mdm lee are free. at first the talks were all more general, and royston didnt talked much thru out the afternoon, but later in the evening the topics turned to more personal and sensitive side, and we got to know somethings about mdm lee's life which was long kept unknown to her students, i believe royston also learnt some useful tips that evening. Sometimes things in life just doesnt go the way we hope to be, but what we can do is the make the best out of every situation facing us, and thats how we can survive in life andf rise to the top.

so now the situation in school and getting abit out of hand for me, my studies is in a total mess, but the past 6 months cannot be retrieved and have to move on with whatever grades i attained. there's still the promos to prepare for and its gng to be my final and only try left, if i fail again then i can only blame myself for not being disciplined enough and not living up to my standard. by now i shouldnt be hovering around post olvl period, olvl is over and done, so what if i got 9 points, so what if my dream school is njc and i am in sajc, everything is out of the context already, im am underperforming and thats a hard fact, im performing worse than many of the double digit scorers. olvls results is just a piece of paper of now...FORGET IT!! its time to get down to business...beginning with the end in mind...4 As for promos! yes i can do it....

New Guitar!

2007-07-03T01:08:00.000+08:00

today finally made up a touch decision and chiong-ed down to penisula shopping centre to grab my first guitar...Gibson Epiphone PR-4E!! i also gotten a player pack which includes the Epiphone Amp, bagg, cables, straps, tuner and picks! haha my new electric acoustic guitar produces a clear bright sound, which is good to use as lead, and it sounds even better when plugged into the amp...cant wait to improve my skills more to fully dig this guitar!

Gibson Epiphone PR-4E!!

close up : my epiphone amp

Black-ish head

entering a new phase of my guitaring life, still couldnt believe i only started my first lesson in May...i really feel very fortunate to be able to enjoy the guitar, it has helped me thru the lowest period of my roller coaster rides, the toughest period of JC life and so on...guitar is definitely one of the most enjoyable instrument to play, and i hope my skills will improve as i embark on a new journey with a guitar on my back...and a hole in my wallet.

2007-07-01T22:41:00.000+08:00

got a terrible terrible headache yesterday night, so slept as soon as i reached home, shall blogg abt my eventful weekend. Highlight this weekend is the change of the hp! finally got out from the stone age and into modern times...

K810i!!

saturday slept until 3pm liddat..haha i was suspose to plan class outing at night but i was so blur and couldnt decide anything, until 4.30 then decided to go marina square at 6pm. then i sat my mum down and told her 5 big reasons why i should change phone that day, and haha off we went to hougang pt to grab the phone b4 the gst raise from 5% to 7%. Phone settled at 6pm, when im suspose to meet my class at 6pm! so i was 45 min late and the rest were quite pissed...lol...sorry guys! that night was a farewell dinner for cherwaye, at Newyork Newyork! first time there, man the food was nice...but cindy and i was like having a hard time eating the spring chicken without being too un-glam...haha

Guojun + Me
Penne Cream with BBQ Spring Chicken! Yum...

After they nice and EXPENSIVE dinner went to play late night pool, which costed a bomb too, after that went to 7-11 to buy alcohol...haha all of us were like so nervous about buying alcohol cos we arent legal yet, but i always see benedict buy it like nobody's business, so i told them to just act normal, as expected...we got hold of 3 bottles and went outside St Andrew's Catheral to thou and drink...maybe the alcohol caused my headache, not very sure, but we parted at 11.30pm...

This morning went to bugis to meet my guitar teacher kianpang, for guitar browsing! at bras basah and penisula. an eye-opener to me cos i saw so many weird guitars. Walked around all the shops, around 10 of them, touch here and there, play this and that...but bought none! haha buy i really tempted to buy one, cos i were deciding between 2 models, one is damn cool, other is damn good, and both are damn cheap, so i couldnt make up a decision, i pulled myself out of the shopping centre b4 i cant control my feelings and buy on impulse, after some research and considerations just now, i've decided which guitar to get, and im gng to get it tmr. I didnt waste my afternoon though, cos i bought something! 4 guitar picks for $2!! haha, damn cute sia...

Turtle Picks!

weekend has been a tiring and money-consuming time for me, suddenly got so many things i wanna buy and so little money...my ban accc is gng to dry up soon, how i wish money rain down from the sky...haha ok im being retarded, cant wait to get my new guitar tmr, its gng to be the first guitar i buy for myself! hope i didnt make the wrong decision....

11.20pm: where are you? i want to see your words, hear your voice, see your face...

29/6/2007...regrets, resolutions, difference

2007-06-29T22:20:00.000+08:00

had one of the worst hair cut ever today, and it costed me $21.80 at JeanYip! the DM will love my short frig, should i even call it a frig anymore? kao, actually wanted to go REDS, but its $36.60 so we took the cheaper option: Jeanyip, another lesson learnt: 便宜没好货！i rmb very clearly telling the hair stylist to cut short only the back, and keep the length for the rest parts, trim abit can liao, when i put on my specs to take a look at the end product...i almost fainted, had the urge to stuff the hair dryer into the hair stylist's mouth, but what is done cannot be undone, how i wished the salon had less mirrors, so i can look at my @##$@$ haircut less...

actually planned haircut outing with royston, turned out 7 of his classmates came along to bugis to play pool, got to know the 7 of them, felt great cos they were really fun-loving ppl and easy to get along with. Royston really got some good company...haha after the haircut went to bugis street and bought a backpack, my shoulder is finally getting better treatment. royston's classmates were really pro at pool, ganna trashed upside down.

JJ new album Westside is out today! and i got it first thing i return home, as im writing now, im still listening to all the songs, up till now all the songs are nice, but dun have songs whcih touched me yet...haha

common test was like a dream, i walked into the classroom, and walked out 2hours later, leaving nth but regrets behind. its evitable for me to get UUU, i can only blame myself for slacking so much, that ii feel so helpless during the exams, as i stare and stone at the qns paper, my brain was totally blank, as i flipped through the pages of the paper, trying desperately to find a qns i can manage but to no avail, i threw my pen down on the table and looked out of the window in despair, if there's something i could do at that pt of time, it was to accept defeat, if there's someone who can save me now, its myself. but i still wanna thanks everyone who has helped me during this period, esp when im in need of exam necssacities and when my fav exam partner failed me.

i'm feeling very tired, very very...so i'll let david tao's lyrics do the rest of the talking, its exactly what i wanna say:
从小在历史课就发现人与人不一样不同的国家不同的文化不同的宗教
造成地球几千年不停的战争越变越陌生使得仇恨延伸虽然我们有了高科技的发达
却还是每天人与人在吵吵打打这真的让我感到心里有点怕怕我真的不懂为什么人类那么阿达
如果这世界没有这么多的变化可想见人生会无聊到不像话就像那孙悟空的七十二变
他如果不会变就对那西游记说再见不管你是chinese,korean,japanese,malay,乌拉圭西班牙
还是缺了一颗牙只要你有那火热的心什么都摆的平去创造新的生命
不一样就是不一样(想)怎么样?我就是不一样!就是不一样我就是不一样!不一样就是不一样so what!so what!我就是不一样!就是不一样
come on我常常在街上听人家在八卦什么hot什么not 最近什么最当家最近哪个牌子红
哪个音乐ㄙㄨㄥ哪个牌子风谁的发型普通我一点都不在乎谁是现在的流行先锋
因为我知道流行只是一种盲从吃肥油吃肥油他只会让你心灵的健康统统没有
不管你是什么样的人什么样的文你绝对千万不能忘记这世界还有很多其他不同的人
你需要打开胸怀绝不要立刻歧视你可能吃的是一碗白饭一个汉堡意大利面条一个寿司
一条satay chotto matte 只要你有那火热的心什么都摆的平去创造新的生命
甘地迪士尼老子孔夫子蓝侬卓别林brando(白兰度)跟毕卡索爱因斯坦 freud(浮来得)达赖喇嘛
都是与众不同的伟人就是人类的heroes 从这些一个的一个的特殊创始人的身上
我们可以看到不一样的思路才能真的让这尘世有个美丽前途相应成趣就请那规律出去(get out) 所以当你在下次看到有人刺tatoo 或你有朋友觉得重金属的音乐真的才cool
不管他台湾人诸葛四郎或者他肥胖他还是跟你一样一样同样的爱心彼此彼此
你要释放礼让忍让绝不希望我只会盼望你有火热的心什么都摆的平去创造新的生命

11.10pm : thinking of you...

a new office which is old...

2007-06-27T00:27:00.000+08:00

i'm not the only person who's gng into a new phase of life, back in china my uncle is also busy changing his business direction. my uncle and i share the same goal, to earn first million at 30 years old and retire at 35. He has done the formal, and at 34 years now, he's planning to migrate to canada at the end of the year and enjoy his retirement. the company was called Dixin Interior Design, but not any more, today its called IDC, or interior design connoisseur. an era of the his career my uncle described as "playing time", lol meaning? i think you can interpret yourself haha! i sneaked out from the hotel during my shanghai and visited his new office, its situation at shanghai EXPO, somewhere near city central, with lots of angmos walking around. At night, this place is surrounded by western bars and pubs, even more angmos! sianzzz...the whole expo is revamped from a very old steel factory, but its damn big! and ran-down too...got a very retro feeling. all the companies here mainly deals with art and design, by situating the office here we get to enjoy External Economies of Scale.

the whole office consist of 3 blocks of flat, housing the "showroom"block , admin block and designers block. this is the entrance to the designers' block, note the logo, its designed by me! hehe

view from above...the designers' at work

guest meeting room above the admin block, the stairs behind the curtains leads to the balcony

garden behind the curtain of the guest meeting room

exterior of admin block and showroom block, the building is really damn old, feel like its gng to collapse real soon!

admin's office, wonder who's that person in red?? haha

i find this office quite cool, cos its very different from the previous offices my uncle or father had, firstly its damn big, secondly its damn old, and thirdly its damn ex! sometimes i think my uncle abit crazy when expanding business nowadays lol hopefully new place will bring new opportunities, haha next time i go back shanghai can visit the pubs at night! whee! of cos when i am 18 years old la...

2007-06-24T01:34:00.000+08:00

current blog song: 我让你走了 original singer: 潘玮柏
我一直坐在咖啡厅的角落没有人发现我还在难过其实早就已经忘了怎么说
就算再怎么舍不得你还是走了我还不想承认这事实怎么会变成这个样子
没有了我真的什么都没有了就象一个废人
回家的路上我哭了眼泪再一次崩溃了无能为力这样走着再也不敢骄傲奢求了
我还能够说些什么我还能够做些什么我好希望你会听见因为爱你我让你走了

well this is quite a sad song...but the lyrics is quite meaningful! I thought it was composed by wilber, but no! its by TANK!! haha he's practically everywhere! amazing! this song talks about the greatest level of love: letting go. the last line is the main point of the song, "i've let you go because i love you" amazing right? sometimes in love people get too dominant and take things for granted, love is a two-way thing, so the two people must have the frequency, in any case one of them lose their love, it will be painful to keep a relationship without two-way love. On a more general level, if u really love someone, you must learn to respect their decision, TRUST RESPECT and ACCEPTANCE is the highest level of love, in my opinion...

2007-06-23T02:52:00.000+08:00

hard to believe...omg do u believe it? i am now listening to Maroon 5's Wouldnt Go Home Without You, and the moment i start typing "hard to believe" the lyrics sang "hard to believe..." amazing!! haha ok i know i sound retarded, but isnt it surprising to realize how many coincidence are there around you! ok back to what i was gng to say, hard to believe its friday liao,i was reading physics just now i suddenly looked up and said "today is friday? time to blog!" haha yea it has become a habit for me to blog at the end of the week, cos life is tough nowadays, we really need to find someway to let out our frustration and write out our thoughts.

as i said, its surprising to know how many coincidence are there around us. thursday i just realized that chu chu is borned in shaowu! same as my father! and i myself actually grew up there, it is a very small village, so very high chance that we have met each other b4 when we were very young! amazing right? the world is so small! just one regret, haha we realized it so late, we shouldve found out during orientation period...that shows that communication is very very impt! haha i have one more laoxiang yay!

today had a mini outing for og27, partly for some ppl to see jingnan for the last time b4 she returns to singapore, maybe in 2 or 3 years time. omg u will not believe this, but theres tears in my eyes right now, i suddenly feel this "sourness" in my eyes when i type "in 2 or 3 years time", i always thought i was very insensitive to emotions, but for some reason this time im super sensitive...lol its hard to imagine friends leaving u for so long, i told jingnan she can come back and see all of us guys shaven bota and praying in the shaolin temple! haha anyway today's outing is the first i planned since JAE started, almost given up b4hand, cos its like so few ppl replying me and everyone's asking redundant qns, and all my unfinished revision adds to the frustration, just wanted to cancel everything...but luckily i didnt, cos today's "mini" outing turned out quite great, haha finally managed to see many long-lost faces and have some great catching up. everyone seem to be their same own self, as happy and enthusiatic as orientation period, except me who have gone thru rounds of emtional changes since end of PAE, i tried to find who i was back then, but i failed, i couldnt go back to the yuchuan before JAE, somehow. everytime i think of some things, it will dampen me, and today while sitting around my PAE friends, i was having a hard time getting into mood, its really a difficult situation to be in, hope no one realized i was not very good today...everything is adding up to my frustration...studies, exams, the things ppl do, the face ppl show me and the things ppl say...i really cant stand it sometimes, esp now...thats why i decided to take a walk outside tonight just now...

after dinner 8pm went to waisum to collect ur gift for jingnan, b4 i left home i thought i wanna stay out longer, so i brought along 2 tins of tea and rA's Uweekly. After seeing waisum strolled for about 500m across the road to mdm lee's house, its been 3 months since i last visited her, she was chionging material for saturday's tuition at that time, but was kind enough to put down her work and entertain me for half hour or so, gave her the tea and chit chatted with her about xinmin students this year and Olvl maths vs Alvl maths...haha i felt so good after talking to her again, somehow everytime i chit chat with ppl like that i find it somehow relaxing and stress releasing. how i wish i can talk to the person on my mind, my friends, my teachers like this more often, just find a place peaceful and chit chat, its the best time to know each other better, to get closer and to clear your doubts, but its impossible to do so if only i wanna talk haha, must get the other person to be willing to talk as well. Pace of life, too fast! no one can afford to sit and chat...except me of cos lol and hopefully more ppl will join me! at 9 took bus 24 to rA's house. promised to bring her the Uweekly this afternoon, but i forgot! *bang my head on the wall* so i felt i should at least correct my mistake and try to make up for not keeping a promise. After handing her magazine, felt so light and free! as if a heavy stone is lifted off me, maybe cos my chilling did work, next time u see me wandering out for nth...u know whats gng on in my mind...haha!

i concluded i dun like roller coaster rides, its just driving me crazy! one moment it seem to be moving steadily uphill, then alll of a sudden i'm being thrown down from 50ft...its not like im some rubber ball, throw down still can bounce up, i will just "biak" on the floor and die. really dunno why i am made to sit this type of roller coaster rides all the time, or maybe i'm just imagining the ride, i really dunno whats going on, ok la not really dunoo, but not sure whats gng on, then also no chance to ask, then also cannot anyhow guess...wakao my head dunno wanna spin left or right now, its all tangled up! haha too much elastic potential energy...but nvm i'll wait and see.

i feel like slapping myself, haha from 12 to 2 study physics, then spend another 1.5 hour using comp again! what a slacker i am...now physics currently 2 chapters left to study, and i really have no idea whats the two chapter abt! lucky i bought a good book a few days back, helped me shorten my revision time by leaps and bounds, SA notes practically sucks, like i said "even i can make it better to suit myself" looks like Alvl must really kao zi ji, SAJC academic-wise is kao bu zhu one. maths havent started yet, really GG, after physics will be maths qns spotting time! spot all the common qns and know them well, hopefully i can improvise and pass...but i expect myself to fail...judging my the amt of effort i put in. econs i total screwed up, but like physics, i think i also managed to buy a good book about essay writing, but its of little help when i no nth abt econs and exams is just a few days more to go, go sayonara common test! SAJC fire me with all ur Us ba! haha i'll be the free frag for common test, it seems inevitable that im gng to triple U this time, and i cant change it fast enough liao, so just go with the flow...stay happy! im not gng to let academics affect my life and emotion, its too insignificant to me right now. but still good luck everyone for CT, its gng to be over in 8 days, hooray!

again its so early right now, i'll turn in now and chiong finish the finaly chapters of physics and embark on maths...wish me luck! grant me strength! and give me the perseverence! haha yea and may everything end well and unravel the same way as one hopes!

2007-06-19T02:16:00.000+08:00

I'm officially a SEVENTEEN!
(major edits below! scroll down for new contents updated on 19/6!! haha)
haha had a GREAT day today! had an enjoyable lunch, followed by an afternoon of chilling at TCC with mandy, ryanna, eeyen and my two brothers mr fu and mr shou. Since its my seventeen bday, i cannot forget to introduce this song by david tao to all of you, this song is called 十七岁

陶喆

十七岁

词:娃娃

曲:陶喆

她是个十七岁的小女孩

她不知道自己有多可爱

她眼中只有相信和依赖

好象未来就该那么好

让我的心也跟着摇摆

我是个十七岁的小男孩

我不怕面对世界变多快

做过自己觉得好傻的事

那是多么纯真的年代

那是多么纯洁的相爱

不知我怎么变了

不知她怎么变了

我慢慢知道什么叫做忘记

是一种成长也好

是一种悲哀也好

不管我多想留住回忆

它依然随着时光淡去

my love

不再是十七岁的我和你

最好还是想念别再相见

我将永远记得那一段情

就算有一天我们变老

想起彼此还有着微笑

因为我早已变了

因为你早已变了

我也许不会爱上现在的你

是没有缘分也好

是没有感觉也好

不管我多么想念着你

却知道再也无法回到

那年纪

有一天我偶尔再说起了你

是一段往事也好

是一段感情也好

永远将它宝贝在心底

记忆着那时候的我和你

my love

our love

那一段十七岁的爱情

this is a romantic song with a mixed feeling between sadness and happiness, talking about teenage love, how beautiful and memorable is can be. It has been around for 15 years already! Included in david tao first album 1993, however i hope this song will not be relevant to my life, haha cos its quite sad ending i think?

feeling super hyper now, haha cos today i received the best birthday present in 17 years, not expensive, but priceless to me, 让我有许多的感动. Its really the thoughts that count, i appreciate anything my friends gives me, even if its just a piece of tissue paper, or simply being there, spending the afternoon with me, can money get u all this? so dun ask me what i want, cos i like anything from you! say that to ur friends on ur bday in the future!

It has been a long time since fu lu shou sat down around the same table, without any other people around. Really hard to image just 2 years ago, we were always sitting together, talking playing sleeping in class together, enjoying every bit of school life as 3 brothers. Today we are all seperated into different area of the society, but one thing remains unchanged, thats the bond we have, we might not seem to be the closest of friends or even brothers all the time, but at time of crisis, in times of need, im very sure we will try our very best to help each other, thats what brothers are for! Royston is still hardworking, softspoken and enthusiatic in his way. Benedict is still the communicator, able to talk and engage people in conversations, enthusiatic in making new friends and making more money...haha. im still me, but maybe slightly more pessimistic and emo, but also more crazy, daring and outrageous at times lol, and definitely more lazy! I've always been holding on to my principles, making order out of things and staying true to my beliefs, its has been like this for 17 years.

17 years just past me by in a flash, as much as i can remember, its has been quite short for me. maybe its bcos i sloth too much, didnt make full use of my time ba. in this 17 years of my life...what did i do? and what did i accomplish? is it even worth mentioning?

well i was born in xiamen, the cleanest city of my beloved homeland, at around 5pm. My cries could be heard all over the hospital, the nurse even joked to me, "ok dun make anymore noise, everyone knows u arrived already!" haha seems that i was a born attention seeker? as the oldest child in my family, i received much care and love from everyone in my family, even though times were bad and life was difficult for a poor family like us, we led a fullfilling life with lots of family love, that time 7 of us was squeezing ourselves in a one room flat, thinking back, i will be complaining like mad if i was made to live in that condition now, but back then i felt so contented and happy, life was full of joy and no sorrow, but can i return to those days anymore?

as an traditional southern music artist, my mother was one of the few accomplished jack of her trade, she was invited all over china and overseas to perform and teach, thats how we found our way to singapore actually, some rich boss who enjoys my mother's art invited my father to work in singapore. so thinking again, my mother would be more famous if she continued to pursue her career, but she sacrificed herself to become a housewife, taking care of me and my bro, its really not easy for her, but did i even bothered to learn an instrument or two from her? or learn her singing techniques? now it seems her talent is being put to waste.

haha *major addition* i knew my mum was preparing to celebrate my bday for me 1 week back, she planned to treat me shark's fin for lunch actually! haha but i turned her off cos i wanted to go out with my friends, that did upset her abit i guess? thats why i made a point to invite royston back home for dinner, with my family. and she bought a cake from prima deli too, even though i ate so much cheesecake at TCC, i must say that the chocolate was really nice! So we had a mini party at night in my ran-down kitchen haha

many people might think that im very rude to my mother, or not very caring towards my family, but both perseption is WRONG! i believe care, concern and respect doesnt need to be put into words all the time, especially for family members, whom u see 365 days a year. even my father scold me all the time, for the way i talk to them, but i've been like this for years already and my family has long gotten used to this way of communication...lol, it might seem outrageous for outsiders, but i do care and respect everyone in my family, i just dun feel a need to show it. im never going say "i love you mum!" vocally, but i know that i love my mother in down in my heart, since we're a family, i believe we love each other so its redundant to say it out already. i really appreciate how much my mother has done for me and my brother, and how much she sacrificed for the family, i'll nvr be able to do what my mother have done, that by itself is enough to make her a respectable mother. I believe every family is different and house different types of difficulties. Parents also express their love and concern in many ways, sometimes we might not be able to feel the love from our parents, thats solely because our parents did not show it in a easily interpreted way. Sometimes we find things our parents do extensive, outrageous and unreasonable, that is very common for everyone, but thats because different people do have different way of thinking, thats why some people can be friends while others become enemies, but we can chose friends, can we chose our family? being together 365 days a year, we already should know our family members better than anyone else, even our own personality is affected by how our parents brought us up, so somethings our parents do, we might not understand today, but im sure we will realize our parents' reasons someday in the future, so nobody is perfect, parents do make mistakes and make us teenagers pissed, but at the end of the day they are also the ones that brought us happiness when we were young, they shaped our personalities, so we should learn to understand and accept them, and try to keep the family in harmony, no matter how tough things get. You can have many friends, you can have many wives or husbands, but u can only have one father and one mother. So forget about all the hatred, im sure every parent in the world love their children, so lets love our parents too! learn to love them when we still have the chance, when they are still around and healthy, thats our way to paying back to them, for bringing us up and helping us become who we are today! So thank you mum, and thank you my brother song yihang! haha for celebrating my bday with me!

as a hardworking student, my father was the top student in the village of shaowu, and one of the 25 students from the whole fujian province to be accepted my tsinghwa university, back then he was the talk of the town, and even today his name is engraved on the walls of shaowu first high school, many teachers and villagers still rmb his name. he scored full marks for physics chem and maths, but me? i dun even take chem anymore, and im U-ing evrything else, how do i dare to compare myself with my father in terms of academic? people say 长江后浪推前浪, but i feel that im doing so much worse.

so i can say that in 17 years, two major things i should've done but did not do, first is inquire the skills of my mother, so that her art doesnt end at her generation. second is being a hardworking student like my father. I think i owned most of my failures to this two unaccomplished task, so bday resolution! look back at my life and find the broken pieces, fixed it and move on into the future.

in 17 years i got alot of things, but failed to learn how to appreciate them. Well i managed to step on singapore, which millions of chinese could not, found a school that accepted me and learnt english. made many friends, got into my ideal secondary school, being given a chance to lead and serve, and finally ending up in SA today, with all my closest friends and brothers around. compared to many other people in china, and even in singapore, im considered very fortunate. so tonight i learnt how to appreciate what i have in life, understanding there's limitations in life and being competitive is not always the best mentality.

of cos in 17 years i also faced many crazy things which i shouldnt face as a teenagers, and thats even worse for my brother, facing the same problems but at 7 years younger, if u hear about all the outrageous things thats happening around me, u should think i have many scars in life, many bad memories, but somehow i myself doesnt feel so bad, maybe im too insensitive to emotions, but even though i know the wound is there, i dun feel the pain. Maybe im just too carefree and hecking many things in life. Someone asked me this question: do you think im happy? it was a question for me, but i caused me to ask myself, cos i dun even know whether im happy or sad, pathetic right? i already tired of living after 17 years, hard to imagine how my grandpa survived for so long. but if im happy, what am i happy about? all the friends i made? all the hopes and new possibility in life? then what will i be sad about? unaccomplished goals? sad facts of life? i really dunno, im so insensitive a person haha, but most of the time i look at the limitations of life, accept the sad fact, and find a new possibity and motivate myself to move on...thats basically what i've been doing. hope being one yr older, i will be more sensitive and see things in a brand new way, and finding more happiness in life.

haha i said alot, but actually its just one yr older, there's bday every year, so today isnt really significant, but so much things and changes happened this year, and it really affected me alot and changed my perseption i have for life, so i do hope i will look at everything with a more matured opinion and tackle every obstacle with a positive mind set and clear goal set.

rest of the yr, i will buck up on my long-forgotten studies and enriching myself with table tennis and guitar, in the mean time finding out more about myself and the people around me, i think things are going to get better soon and i will find my happiness somewhere out there. HOPE! yea thats the word, its so useful haha

its so early in the morning now, i wrote so much crap this morning...haha shall go and sleep now and i will have a very nice and sweet dream, esp when theres sweet things laying on my table right now lol

2007-06-19T01:43:00.000+08:00

havent gotten much photos from the shanghai trip, shall post some of the few photos i have

group photo of SATT before our departure!

at nanjing street, shanghai, we were so amused by the giant coke haha

forgot where this was...i think somewhere in hangzhou, old garden...

on the boat on West Lake, HangZhou

yeap, thats all the group photos i have now, cant wait to get the 1GB of photo from our camera man...until then!

2007-06-10T21:06:00.000+08:00

im down with flu man...and lost my voice this morning too...now feeling giddy and uncomfortable everywhere, hate this feeling but cant help it...

well just thought i wanna share this quote i learnt during SL selection camp a few days back, just came into my mind and i realized i forget to talk about it...quite meaning quote by abraham lincoln.

" I want to see a man proud of where he live,
I want to see a man whose place he lived is proud of him"

yeap...i think the quote goes something like that. big thanks to my dear Vice President Hong You! for sharing it with me, cos i thought it really touched me and made me relate to my own life.

as much as i could remember, when i first entered xinmin...i did not like the school at all, i think i talked about this before. i didnt know why i wanted to get into xinmin, but i hated the school because i appealed into the school through volleyball, a sport which i had no passion at all. at that time i was too young to think maturely ba...only knew that i am suspose to enter xinmin, reason? not very sure, i didnt know why i left nan chiau in the first place. ok back to the main point, i was not a student proud of my school, i had no feeling for the school at all, just enter the campus to study, then play volleyball, after that go home, i had no life, no passion, no meaning.

i do not think i was a very good student back then, in sec 1 i was a frequent late-comer, always late in handing up assignments and was becoming an "icon" in the staff room, cos i was often made to do my work on the floor in the staff room. thats almost everything i can rmb abt sec 1 life, boring and monotonous, i sucked at volleyball even though i was expected to excel in it, i did nothing at home except play games and study.

enough said abt sec 1, i really cannot rmb much, then i promoted to sec 2 with quite remarkable results, based on psle score i was the bottom in school, but at the end of sec 1 was ranked 80 something amongst the 220 something students...not bad la hor...but sec 2 i dunno what happened to me, my maths started to fail and my science was GC. I couldnt recalll much of the sec 2 happenings cos like sec 1, it was meaningless. but maybe my form teacher see the "light" in me?? my life was totally changed on the day i was nominated for SL interview. this was the most significant thing that happened in sec 2, it changed my life as a xinmin student forever.

haha i can never forget my SL interview, there was more than 7 ppl in the room, 2 teachers plus some sec 2 and 3 SLs and EXCOs. i guess i got lucky, i said something which made me pass the interview quite easily, " frankly...i have broken the school rules many many times...but because of that i believe i know the school rules better than anyone else in school, i can remember all the categories of offenses and different actions to be taken..." and yea bingo! lol i got thru the interview! of cos they did ask many other questions but i thought this response was the crucial one.

fast forward the pace! haha and so i went thru SL trainee camp, became a SLT, made many mistakes...ganna alot of scolding and shits and finally passed! i forgot how happy i was the day i got my tie already haha...too long ago...but it really changed my life as a xinmin student. i became to be proud of my school, by upholding the school's discipline as a member of DB, planning various events and running various school activities, doing all the lame but fun cheers and dances...i began to love xinmin, proud of the school, shouting out loud anywhere, " I LOVE XINMIN AND I JUST CANT DENY IT! SHAKE IT! SHAKE IT! SHAKE IT! SHAKE IT ALL THE WAY!" the biproduct of my passion was the chance to run for election, and at the end of the day...i passed the election by coming in 3rd for number of votes and was given the position of general secretary, i think is was the final gift from SLB to me ba...even so i knew that this was just a bonus for me, even without anything i will also continue to love xinmin, my second home.

if sec 3 made my love xinmin and SLB, sec 4 life made me love my teachers and friends. i didnt know what was friends about until sec 4, and i didnt know how fantastic our teachers were until sec 4 too. xinmin helped a slacker like me to start studying and applying my energy on the right things, working hand in hand with my teachers and friends, we did xinmin proud! and we are even prouder of xinmin!! our batch's results say everything...100% promoted to JC, 18% with 5 A1s or above, Amaths 90% A1, emaths 98% A1, science 99% A1..etc...

well im quite sure most of us are very proud of xinmin today, cos we will not achieve what we achieved without the help of xinmin and the teachers. whats more important is im sure xinmin is proud of us, class of 2006, too. amongst us emerged scholars, leaders, entreprenuers, sportsmen, officers...etc but ultimately everyone are xinminians, students whom the school can be proud of.

ok thats how the quote touched me about xinmin and my past, now this quote also touched me at the present. im faced with the same situation, now i dun feel proud of SAJC, and im very sure i have nothing which SAJC can be proud of too, i used to feel disheartened, used to feel injust, by wearing a SA uniform and studying in SAJC when my heart lies in NJC. but now i realized how stupid i was, how shallow my thinking was and how unrealistic i am. NJC was my dream, my passion, the force that pushed me when i was feeling weak, this was its purpose, today it has accomplished its purpose, to push me higher, but rejected me out. i realized that without NJC, i might not be able to score my ideal grade for Olvls, so i should thanks NJC, and as a saint now, i should learn to appreciate my place here, all the friends i met, and all the gifts from heaven i received. i shall be proud of being a saint, no one's here by chance! so there must be a purpose for me in SAJC, something special, someone special, which i have to unfold, which i have to seek and cherish, if i can do that, i will be proud of SAJC. and on my part i have fight on, i came in to SAJC as a representative of xinmin, so i must live up to the standard of a xinminian, X=Q, i must produce quality in whatever i do, excel in my studies, play well in table tennis, and use my ability to serve and contribute to the school, hopefully at the end of my 2 years, SAJC will remember my name, and she will be proud that someone called yuchuan once studied in this place.

haha ok that ends off my thoughts about the quote...very long and crappy, also dunno why i suddenly throwing out all my love for xinmin and SLB again. well of cos there's ups and downs in my xinmin life and SLB life, but now i only want to remember the beautiful memories i spent in xinmin. maybe cos i went back to xinmin to play table tennis after such a long time today, so got back the feeling i had for xinmin...its really a very special place, and will always be, for me.

well after reading my long and crappy post, i hope you will think through this quote on your own, im just using my own life as an example. are you proud of where you've lived? is the place you lived proud of you? if yes, great continue doing that wherever u are. if no, its ok! cos its nvr too late to start, trust me, be proud of where you are, and u will enjoy ur life there, and naturally that place u lived will be proud of you! but i believe most of u will be very proud of where u've lived and is living, and im very sure everyone is proud of u!

my giddiness is overwhelming, whole body feel like collapsing, looks like cannot tahan anymore, have to go and rest, hopefully will feel better tmr ba...

2007-06-08T21:47:00.000+08:00

thats it...tonight is the last night im going to spend alone, tmr my mother and brother will be back in singapore. of cos there's both good and bad side of it, the good thing is finally there's someone to clean up the house and spare me of all the housework =D the bad thing is i will not as free as i am now, even though i think i can still do whatever i wanna do la =P

didnt expect the last day of my freedom ended like this, on a super low note -_- never been so sian this whole week except today... the stupid famine camp dry-run, and i emphasize STUPID, spoiled my schedule for the whole of today. It was suspose to occupy me from 1pm to 9.30pm, so i didnt plan anything else for today. this morning i went all the way to woodlands and spend 30min on the bus 911 to reach RP, to be told that the dry-run was cancelled x_x whats better is that i was the only person to be punctual, all the rest arrived 30min or later. Well at least i got to see how nice RP's campus is and ate a bowl of fish ball noodles as my breakfast cum lunch. After some complaining and grumbling with my other 3 teammates ( very little? YES!! only 4 of us came down, others were slothing at home) we headed back home. and that ends the event for me x_x got home and slacked around, played the guitar and read some physic notes..had dinner all alone...and somehow everyone didnt replied my sms =( sianz until exploded now o_o

havent received any photos from shanghai yet, cos the size is so big, everyone dun wanna send me thru msn, so must wait for them to pass me the CD, then i can start to write about the 'amazing' shanghai trip.

next week also seem to be sianz, very hard to jio ppl out, but if nth goes wrong, 13th should be my long awaited 405 class outing at...sentosa? lol yea its that place again, they ask me to swim o_o u know how long i havent swim already? and i dun have swimming apparels too! haha i'll feel so awkward jumping into the water la...

david tao is having world tour again =D first stop is shanghai, hopefully he doesnt come singapore so soon, best he come after my promos and Alvls, meaning november period, then i can watch the show without thinking about studies =) but the sad thing is it's going to be his final concert b4 he venture into the movie world, which means he will not perform in public for the next 2 years or so x_x and that implied an even sadder possibility...that his next album will only debut after 2 years!!! how am i going to tahan this wait? i cannot survive without good taoist music sia x_x looks like i just have to depend on what i have right now liao...i dun like to wait

nth much to write today...basically had a very fruitful week alone, did alot of things i wanted to do and had a fun time inviting friends over to happy and study =) hope the future days will also be filled with happiness and joy =D

missing you